Printer-friendly versionVin Diesel has the mental capacity of a Lego Block. That becomes clear as Diesel, once an up-and-coming action hero, reprises one of his most Neanderthal-like roles. Once again, he's Riddick, the only evil that is evil enough to combat an even greater evil.
In Pitch Black, Riddick takes on a bunch of creatures who feast on people at night. There was a semblance of plot amidst all the pseudo-angst. At least, all those who enjoyed the original 2000 film could argue there were more than just explosions. Riddick was a man with crazy blue eyes who was able to see in the dark. Plus, stuff blew up.
In The Chronicles of Riddick, director David Twohy -- also responsible for the original -- makes a grave mistake. He creates a plot rife with ridiculous weaponry and he forces Vin Diesel to speak.
A scene which typifies the film's inane nature occurs on planet Crematoria. Here, half the world is -300 degrees and half the world is 700 degrees. One character remarks, "If I had a home in Hell and Crematoria, I'd live in Hell and rent this one out." On Crematoria is a prison where Vin Diesel is being sent for crimes that are never quite fleshed out. Something about Riddick being a badass. It's not really important.
As his lady friend sits trapped in the cliffs, about to be consumed by the 700 degree flames, Riddick goes into hero mode. He gruffs, "Give me all your water!" This amounts to a bucket the size of a watering can. He douses his face and body and uses rope to swing down through the fire, picking up his lady and returning her to relative safety.
Several things. Rope burns. Doesn't it? Also, the flames that engulf an entire countryside leave a little steam coming off Riddick's head. He's otherwise untouched.
That's far too much attention and thought to give to this movie. Riddick is failed catch phrases, ludicrous dialogue and more sci-fi jibber-jabber than any D&D fan could take. Atrocious.
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I think the movie was awesome and here is a little bit of advise. Dont listen to the critics. Go and see the movie for yourself. What might be bad to them might be good for you. I absolutly loved the movie and many more have. The crowd at the showing i went to was sold out and everyone cheered and clapped at the end because they loved it so much. Go see it and you wont be dissappointed
kristin, detailer
ohio
krbeast2@aol.com
Yet another review by someone who never should have entered the theater in the first place. Obviously Mr. Schneider went into Chronicles of Riddick expecting something serious. Interesting, considering the prejudices he explicitly states about Vin Diesel.
This movie is outlandish for outlandishness's sake. It's an orgy of dreamscapes, special effects, action sequences, and badassness. Simple as that. No qualifications, no pretense to anything more, and certainly no apologies. If you don't like that, this movie is a waste of money. Go watch CSpan.
If, however, like me, you enjoy it when someone takes a fantasy world that exists purely for its own sake and translates it to film simply to do it justice, then you would be doing yourself a disservice by not seeing this movie. It is absolutely a blast. Sure it's crazy, but that's the point. Anyone who criticizes it purely for being crazy -- as James has done, not having said anything about the acting, directing, production, or anything else -- isn't proving anything except that they don't like crazy movies.
"Ridiculous weaponry?" Um... Axes, knives, some guns, and a big sparkly explody thing. Wow... heavy. And forcing Vin Diesel to speak? A grave mistake, you say? Again, if you hate him so much, stay out of the theater. Besides, no matter how hard it is to get Diesel's other lunkheaded roles out of your head when you see him on the screen, Riddick gives him some wonderful lines: he's snappy, quick, cool, and always poised. Very entertaining.
As for James's point about the implausibility of the Crematoria scene... People in military experiments have sat in burning hot rooms with cheesesteaks literally cooking on the bench next to them. All they had was a tube feeding them water and electrolytes (albeit at an alarming rate), so it's not that shocking that Riddick survived the heat for about 10 seconds after being doused in water. It's also plainly obvious that Riddick used flame retardant Future Rope. Duh.
I'd attack this review's other claims, but they're unsubstantiated.
Anyway, that doesn't matter, does it, James? "That's far too much attention and thought to give to this movie", after all. So why did you give it? And why suggest that this is universally a bad movie when there are plenty of people who *won't* give it?
At least Chronicles of Riddick was well thought-out, well executed, and internally consistent, which is more than can be said of James's logic. No hard feelings, man.... Just gotta keep it real.
Justin Menda
justinmm@sas.upenn.edu
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