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• Saturday, September 22, 2001
• TV on DVD
• My Favorite Movie Ever

This Issue 06/02/2005

Also in this issue

• Screw 'PH,' just write 'F'

Sunday May 29, 2005, 12:58 p.m.: Just walked out of shower. Dancing in underwear singing "Sunday Morning" by Maroon 5 when power goes off.
1:03: Look outside. Hall lights are still on; figure it's just my room. Get dressed and take elevator down from 17th floor to report outage.
1:04: Power goes out in elevator between floors 12 and 13. Three of us are in elevator, all guys. Make awkward conversation about Memorial Day barbecues.
1:06: Elevator powers up and moves down to first floor. Girl at info desk tells me whole building is now out.
1:10: Make trip to Fresh Grocer to buy emergency supplies.
1:30: Made purchase of the essentials: Wheat Thins, Tupperwear, strawberry jam, limited edition Kellogg's Star Wars cereal, E.L. Fudge cookies, barbecue sauce and flashlight.
1:35: Re-enter Harrison. Power still down and elevators inactive. Begin trek up 17 flights of stairs with Fresh Grocer bags.
1:38: Rest break on 7th floor.
1:41: Rest break on 11th floor.
1:44: Mad dash to 17th floor.
1:45: Chug everything left in Brita.
1:46: Sit in chair for five minutes and listen as beating heart is exploding in chest. Make mental note to go to Pottruck more often.
1:51: Purge mental note from memory, eat five E.L. Fudge cookies.
1:52: Put away rest of groceries.
1:58: One-hour mark. Sit on the couch and stare out window at cloud formations. Ponder meaning of life. Cloud looks like MacGyver.
2:20: Begin to think this would make funny piece in Street. Begin to make notes.
2:30: Cry when realization is made that this isn't funny. Conclude I suck at writing, life.
2:32: Become distracted by Frisbee. Play catch against self in the hall.
2:36: Pretend computer is working and have AIM conversations with fake friend Charlie. ROFL!
2:38: Hunger sets in. Make salad with ingredients found in apartment, including: Wheat Thins, tuna fish, Reese's Puffs, granola bars and Nutella.
2:40: Throw up contents in bathroom. Attempts to flush are futile because of power outage; apartment starts to smell like mix of wet dog and low tide. Wash mouth out with Cherry Coke.
2:42: Set up audience of stuffed animals, lamps, and kitchen appliances. Recite famous monologues, including JFK's inauguration speech, Lincoln's Gettysburg address and Dr. Evil's therapy session from Austin Powers.
2:58: Two-hour mark. Attempt to discover how many licks it takes to get to center of Tootsie Pop.
3:07: 528 licks.
3:10: Power is restored. Plop butt down on couch and watch hottie Danica Patrick finish 4th in Indy 500. Life is good again.