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This Issue 12/08/2005

Also in this issue

• From Ronald Reagan
• Manifesto is red hot
• A Specter Of Coke and Commies

induction of

beyonce knowles into the communist hall of fame

Kimmel Center

260 S. Broad St.

Thu, 10 p.m., free

www.kimmelcenter.org

Beyonce sure has made her fair share of bling over the years. By releasing such hits as "I'm a Survior" and "The Club is Jumpin', Jumpin'," she's reached a level of capitalist success that even Andrew Carnegie would be envious of. But after a few too many encounters with her bugaboo, Beyonce has decided to throw in the capitalist towel and cross over from the dark side. Congratulations, B-dog, you'll be reduced to selling your fake hair to pay the bills, bills, bills no more.

Ghosts of Lenin and Stalin Iron Chef

hosted by Leon

Trotsky

McDonald's

3935 Walnut Street

Thu, 7 p.m ., 1 Happy Meal

www.ghostofleninandstalinironchefhostedbyleontrotsky.com

Iron Chef has surely produced some good cook-offs over the course of its 87-year television run. Jin Ye Chan vs. Su Mun Chi? Kim Wong vs. Dim Sum Kang? And who can forget the classic cook-off of 1942 between Jun Shan and Tan Shi? That one really threw the world of Asian cook-offs on its head. This Thursday's event promises to be even more exciting, as it pits the ghosts of two communist leaders against each other. Come for the food, come for the ghosts, but most of all, come for the communism!

Secret International Communist Convention at the International House of Pancakes After

Party

Auntie Anne's

3405 Walnut Street

Fri, 11 p.m., free

(215) 387-0337

The Secret International Communist Convention is the most secretive secret communist convention of the decade. You are literally the only person who knows about it -- it's that much of a secret. And directly following this Secret International Communist Convention, Auntie Anne's will be hosting an equally secretive after party at its 3405 Walnut Street location. For your entertainment there will be live bands, a ball pit, dwarf elephant rides, and a portable ice skating rink. Come show your communist pride and get sloppy on Karl Marx's tab.

Jon M. Huntsman Hall Demolition

Jon M. Huntsman Hall

3730 Walnut Street

Sat, 12:01 a.m., $5

www.huntsmanifesto.org

To the few Penn students who call themselves communists, Huntsman Hall embodies all that is wrong with this school... and the world. It is the anti-Christ, the giant, building-shaped weight keeping down the working man. Finally, after facilitating capitalist activities for a devastatingly long three years, the Penn Communist Union has received the six signatures necessary to demolish this hellish dome of self-indulgence.

Grand Opening of the Helen Keller Driving School for People Who Can't See Good or Hear Good or Talk Good

Helen Keller Driving School

23 S. 23rd St.

Tue, 6 p.m., free

(215) CALL-ME