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• Don't Go to Bars

This Issue 11/02/2006

Also in this issue

• Extremely loud and incredible prose
• Driving in circles
• It's niiiiiiice
• Street Beats
• State of Panic in the attic
• Clippin' it old-school

Paper covers rock. Nick the Greek takes the lead, and the Rider is switching hands." The Midnight Rider of "parts unknown," wears a thin leather mask that shields his identity and a bola tie adorned with a skull. He throws down a pair of scissors that cuts Nick's paper, and it looks like the switch to his left hand has served him well. However, moments later, the Rider's body stiffly lunged forward, he throws another scissors which are crushed by Nick the Greek's solid rock. They both throw scissors several more times before Nick brings back rock and stunningly defeats the Midnight Rider. The Midnight Rider will leave with $50 while Nick will face Most Definitely Megan for first place.

It is a chilly Saturday night in October and 64 Rock Paper Scissors enthusiasts have gathered at the Whiskey Dix Saloon in North Philadelphia to compete in the 2006 Pabst Blue Ribbon Rock Paper Scissors Keystone Classic. Upon entering the warehouse of a bar, players are greeted by a documentary film crew who have them sign release forms and interview them. The winner tonight will leave with $850, respect from his or her peers, and as someone will later tell Nick, "C-list celebrity status."

Nick Leon is in his mid 20s. He wears khakis and a leather jacket atop a white Oxford shirt, and has a humble smile even though he is confident about winning. In his last year of pharmacy school, Nick is an RPS novice, and he'd come to the Saloon tonight after spotting an ad in a Philly paper, armed with amused skepticism and lacking an RPS name. Because tonight is his first foray into the world of competitive play, his triumph over the Midnight Rider is nothing less than remarkable. "Beating the Night Rider was quite possibly one of the greatest thrills of my life," Nick says after the win, his tone the mixture of absurdity and seriousness so common to RPS players. "He was a fierce competitor. To be honest it was a little intimidating - you know that whole mask, that whole skull thing around his neck. It's tough, but I've danced with devil in the pale moonlight before."

The Midnight Rider, an RPS regular whose identity and hometown are a mystery to many, is tall, in his 30s and bald. He has the kind of fast-talking singsong voice that evokes door-to-door salesman and a slight southern twang, though there's no telling whether it's as affected as the statements he makes such as, "I'm fast and I'm mean. I'm so mean I make medicine sick."

Though his loss to a newcomer surprises everyone around him as much as it does himself, the Midnight Rider shakes it off and reminds everyone that he'll be in Toronto on November 11. He's referring to the 2006 International World Championships, a far larger event with 10,000 Canadian dollars on the line, which has been held in Toronto since 2002. Over the course of the night, many players will bring up their plans to go to Toronto in a few weeks.