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As incoming freshmen, we thoroughly prepare ourselves for the upcoming years by packing our trunks with the basics: dental floss, pics of mom and dad and, of course, a false form of identification. Whether scored from an older cousin, a shady downtown locale or that kid at your high school who somehow obtained a laminating machine and a lot of balls, the fake is, without fail, stuffed into the pockets and purses of nearly every underage Quaker. Yet just as common as the ownership of the fake is the inevitability of its confiscation. Although your new roomie may have assured you that your ID looks "sooo real!", Wine & Spirits has somehow ascertained that most of their Penn patrons aren't 28 and from New Mexico. Bummer. With a lot of asshole bouncers and the whole "zero-tolerance" thing, gaining entry into weekend hot spots as a freshman, sophomore or unluckily-birthdayed junior can be tough. Yet the tried and true place to regain confidence about your fake's viability is good ol' Blarney Stone. Be it Tuesday quizzo, Thirsty Thursday or weekend gallivanting, if you've got a card-sized piece of plastic, Blarney's got you covered. Go for the gold, McLovin'.
-Annette D'Onofrio
Best way to lose tenure:
Child pornography
You're probably thinking that kiddie porn is in fact the worst way to get fired at Penn. Maybe you were confused during voting, thinking to yourself: define "best." Most entertaining? Most disgusting? Happiest that it wasn't me? Lucky for you, child pornography is the answer to all of the above questions. Obviously killing someone will put you on the fast track to unemployment, but is homicide really anything special? This is West Philadelphia. Who hasn't murdered someone? And exposing yourself is not nearly as bad as exposing someone else, especially when the someone else is an eight-year-old boy. Just be sure to take your cues from the King of all Creepers, former Wharton professor emeritus Scott Ward. If you're going to get fired, make sure to go all the way: overpay for underage sex and catch the crime on video. Who doesn't love a good sex tape scandal?
-Jess Goldstein
Best Public Place for Making Out:
Van Pelt third and fourth floor stacks
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Completely agree on the title given to ASTR 007. However, you've got your facts wrong. It was only a 115 person class ONCE, ever since, its been a freshman seminar. The 1.7 was the lone lowest rating its got, since then, its rating has usually been above 2.5, usually 2.9-3. The professor, Ravi Sheth, does make the course very challenging, but he is an incredible teacher, and makes it seem easy. He's also very accesible for office hours. I took the class in Fall 09 as a freshman seminar, and despite the difficulty of the course, i have no regrets taking it.
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