JAP 1: He vomited on himself at his Bar Mitzvah. JAP 2: He vommed on the Torah?!
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Frat bro: We just passed an executive decision that we're not allowed to eat Gia salads in front of the house. Chick: Why? Bro: It's enough we're known as the "gay" frat.
Senior girl 1: I don’t want to be fat during my senior year. Senior girl 2: Yeah, that’s too cliche. Drunk football player: Man, I’m gonna Facebook stalk some bitches and pass the fuck out. Guy 1: Who's the man?
Girl: Your fly. Guy: Thanks! Girl: No really, zip up your fly. Guy: Oh. Chick on Beige: We were best friends, and then she made a voodoo doll of me at camp. Drunk Dude: Yo, if you’re a fat girl, Smoke's is the best place for you to find someone to hook up with. Girl: I got my period! Girl's friend: Pregs-oh-negs?
Sorority rush conversation: Sorority Sister: Hi! What have you two been talking about? Rush: Um, shiny things … Saturday night Frat party: Guy 1: I think dirty Jerseys are so much grosser than fake LA girls. Guy 2: They’re the same thing. Guy 1: Ew, no. Guy 2: Okay, fine. At Capogiro: Girl: Three words.
At a frat party: Girl: Why do you keep eggs in the freezer? Frat Boy: So they last longer … they just last longer that way. Walking down Locust: Boy: I need to stop starting sentences with “the best thing about cruises is …”
Walking out of Huntsman: Deceptively Intelligent-Looking Girl: What makes poor people poor is that they don’t have access to capital, you know? Waiting for the bus: Girl: I mean, the word penis was on my Bat Mitzvah sign-in board more than once.
Standing alone outside of Huntsman: Girl: So I see that nobody cares about me. Outside of Starbucks: Dude: Damn, why didn’t I wear a jacket today?
Chatting in Williams Cafe: Girl: If I e-mail a deaf person, do I have to write everything in ASL?
Walking out of Hutch: Brilliant jerk: I used to go into the PhiSig house and reassemble the broken chairs.
Walking out of Houston: Strange man wearing a bowtie: Just because you aren’t paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t following you. Eating at Capogiro: Bro-type on his cellphone: You just have to treat crabs like crabs, you know? On spring break: NYU chick: Don’t you go to Penn?
Chilling outside of Blarney: Dude talking to another dude: I got drunk and I got naked … it happens.
Walking down Locust: Girl talking on the phone: Mom, I have some great news, but first you have to promise me that you’re not going to do that weird Facebook thing that you always do. Eating at Gia Pronto: Bro in cargo shorts: Dude, I told you, I don’t remember anything, I blacked out and when I woke up I was in prison. Happy hour at Pod: Girl 1: My father doesn’t love me. Girl with no soul: I’d rather have my father not love me than grow up in the middle class.
Walking down Locust: Wharton Sophomore: I think Spruce to Walnut constitutes a long distance relationship.
Senior at Mad4 happy hour: Wait. Is The Daily Pennsylvanian … daily? Girl in the shampoo aisle of CVS: I really can’t remember, but judging by the way that I’m walking today, I’m pretty sure I got fucked in the ass last night. Sophomore in line for Saxby's FroYo: I spent all summer studying for the LSAT.
Hungover girl on Locust Walk: Yeah, so he just crawled into my bed without pants on and I said, “Why aren’t you wearing any socks!!?!?!” Over-manicured girl in class reading last week's Street: Me and my friends have done half of this list and the other half, we’d never do. Guy on Spruce Street: Yeah, even my TA called me a douchebag ... Theos Boy #1: Dude how sick is my Deadmau5 hat? Theos boy #2: It’s sick? Theos Boy #1: Like, sick enough to make you vomit? Theos Boy #2: Duh, word.
Senior to a freshman cheating at flip cup: Enjoy your four years in college. You’re not going to have any friends. Boy on cell phone wearing an Omega shirt: I’m retarded?? You’re wearing a tuxedo to a job interview! Frat boy 1: How’d he make his own goldschlager? Frat boy 2: Oh, you know, tinfoil … a little listerine. Frat boy 1: Dude, that sounds nasty!
Judgemental douche: No were not dating. She’s an art major. I don’t date art majors, they don’t leave their rooms. One girl to two others on Locust: I’ve only dated Arieses before.
Zete stuffing his face with Allego White: You can tell a lot about a girl based on what pizza she orders.
Looking around College Hall 200, it seems that everyone at the debate between the Penn Democrats and College Republicans knows each other.