Street's Guide to Net Neutrality
Net Neutrality: a definition
Below are your search results. You can also try a Basic Search.
Net Neutrality: a definition
1. GIRL RISING
“I have an internship in the City. Actually, two. I rotate days between the offices.” This has been my response to the obligatory “what are you doing this summer?” question since it started circulating post-spring break. Sometimes the asker wants more, but usually, mentions of New York and having an office are sufficient. Unknown to most people who ask, though, there’s approximately one month of my summer that is left unaccounted for by that answer. During that time, I am a camp counselor. No, I do not want to be a teacher. To be honest, I don’t think my future involves any kids other than my own. And so, this job will never be seen under the employment section of my Word-template resume. However, being a camp counselor has had a bigger impact on my life than anything else on that one-page list. Don’t get me wrong; my internships were everything I wanted. I learned a lot. My bosses knew my name, and I never knew their Starbucks orders. Most days, I left the office feeling like I had accomplished something. Interning was a good experience. But you know what’s better? Being responsible for ten lives instead of ten email drafts. Cleaning up an “accident” instead of a conference room. Teaching a child how to have healthy interactions with peers instead of teaching yourself the inner workings of Microsoft Excel. It takes a lot to deal with children en masse. A lot of patience, a lot of energy, a lot of enthusiasm, a lot of love. But all that effort is worth it when you get to see the world through your campers’ excited eyes. There’s nothing for them to worry about except what’s for snack, and I know that my co-counselors and I make that environment possible. The job is actually very Penn in many ways. You always have to be on. When other people’s sons and daughters are in your care, there are no coffee or bathroom-texting breaks. You put a cheery face on with your uniform. And occasionally, you and your co-workers play a round of my-campers-are-more-difficult-than-yours. It’s funny that the one paying job I’ve had this summer would be considered time off by many of my peers. And in a way, it’s the most selfish job I’ve ever taken. Some counselors might say they do it for the kids, but I totally do it for me. It makes me happy. Don’t tell my boss, but this is a job I would gladly do for free. Being a camp counselor builds character, even if it doesn’t build my non-existent LinkedIn profile. Career Services would never give it a second thought, but they don’t know what they’re missing. It might not prepare me for future employment, but that doesn’t mean it hasn’t prepared me for life.
Aired on 07.08.2014 Jenna is back. Caleb is back. Ali is back at school. And our favorite blackmailing friend might have awoken from his/her/their nap…it’s like a big reunion party for the 100th episode! 1. “If she’s sad, she could cry in New York.” So Jenna is home in Rosewood to mourn Shana’s death, which like everyone knows about now. In a scene of actually impressive acting, Aria walks into Jenna’s house (I don’t believe that no one in Rosw lock their doors in Rosewood, but okay…) to find her sobbing on the floor of her room. She senses Aria is there, and it is still unclear if she’s actually blind or has parents who are ever at home. Aria feels super guilty about the Shana thing, so she invites Jenna in to vent and have tea, but like five minutes later she’s with her friends in a different outfit. And then Ezra forces her to tenderly stroke his gunshot wound. They make out, and it’s like totally all better now. 2. “You’ll need a jacket.” Mrs. Hastings decides to ditch Mr. Hastings and take Spencer with her to some unnamed place, where it might be cold enough for a jacket. Turns out, that “spa” actually means chilling with a private investigator in this family, and Mrs. H figured out that her lovely husband and even lovelier daughter Melissa were not where they claimed to be on the night of Mrs. D’s murder. Toby’s there for support, but it is confusing how Spencer is down to make out with someone who needs a haircut so badly. 3. “Those kisses weren’t just for practice.” Ali reveals to Emily that her old romantic feelings weren’t actually so one-sided, so they make out in Alison’s bed. And hold hands. And Ali tells Emily that she was her favorite, blah blah. Emily also facilitates a confrontation between Ali and Paige where Paige is a straight–up bitch, and Em pretends Ali attempting to apologize to people is a spectator sport. Somewhere in there are some Frozen jokes because those were trendy when the writers wrote this. 4. “She blue–snarfed us?” So Mona threatens Ali in the creepy church. They slap each other and there are the most ridiculous sound effects and Mona has a scrape that would never actually come from being hit. Either way, Mona’s army of losers is back and sassy in the hallways. Interestingly, the brains behind the operation seem to be Mona, Jenna…and Sydney. Look at that girl finally making herself useful on this show. 5. Bethany Young The name of the Jane Doe in Ali’s grave is announced. She was a seventeen-year-old patient at Radley who escaped the night of Ali’s “kidnapping.” The gang and their pseudo-significant others (okay Toby and Spence are not as pseudo as I wish they were) all gather round to watch the announcement. Then they hear a massive explosion at Toby’s house and hear the sweet, sweet sound of all their phones ringing in unison…
It takes an entire episode for the whole Rosewood community to contemplate whether Ali should come back to school, and everyone needs to take a psychological selfie. 1. “You make a Pinterest board before you change your nail polish.” So after all that commotion Hanna’s big change is ugly brown streaks. To match, she decides to shoplift a hideous, red, velvet top, which looks like it should cost five dollars. In other clothing news, Ali’s dad wants her to go on a shopping spree because he’s convinced she was raped. He also wants to leave Rosewood but ends up conceding to Ali and buying her a backpack made for a five-year-old. 2. “Did someone spit in your cornflakes this morning?” Mona is getting ready to rally the troops for Ali’s return, but not everyone is so down to beat up on the recently abducted chick. Lucas feels bad, but Mona claims she can prove that Ali’s whole story was a lie. Paige decides she’s gonna be “social Switzerland” because she’s still so into Emily, she can’t really be on Mona’s team. Paige warns Em about the shit that’s about to go down and has what might be her first good line ever with a dis to Mona about her new bully-status. Who knew that PLL minus A would turn into a not funny TV version of Mean Girls? 3. “Cause of death was murder…duh.” The cops investigate the crime scene in the Hastings’ backyard and find out that Mrs. D’s cause of death was taking pills for high blood pressure rather than her prescription for the opposite. Mrs. Hastings and Spencer both think that Mr. Hastings killed Mrs. D to keep her from going to the cops and claiming Spencer killed Ali or whoever is occupying her grave. Mrs. Hastings goes to a spa, while her daughter finds the deadly prescription in the kitchen. Smart cutie Andrew helps Spencer clean up the yard, and she has to remind him that she’s still with Toby. It’s okay Andrew; I’m confused about that choice too. 4. “Do you take cash?” Aria has a horrible case of guilt about the whole killing-Shana-in-self-defense thing, so she watches a video of her funeral over and over again. Wow, she must have so much gospel music stuck in her head. In all her emotional confusion, she wants to donate the cost of the service…or sleep at Ezra’s…or, actually, never mind. Ezra tries to say he feels her pain because of the guilt he felt over the book situation, but it’s cool because he’s totally over it. I’m sure that makes her feel better! Best ex of the year award! 5. “Once you know something, you can’t un-know it.” Ali has to go in for a medical examination. Unless you’re Mona, it’s surprisingly easy to forget that she wasn’t actually held in captivity (or maybe I just watch too much SVU). She has a scar on her thigh that she doesn’t want to explain. The lies get bigger and bigger for no apparent reason, since they actually had a good reason to be in New York. Let’s see how long it takes for someone to suggest they tell the truth.
Aired on 06.24.2014 1. “Do you need anything else?” Now that Mrs. D is dead, we get a montage of Ali’s depression. Don’t worry, her hair and makeup look perfect throughout. There’s a chilling scene where Ali gets dressed for the funeral in the same dress her mother wore to hers, which is pretty heartbreaking and fucked up. Ali is weirdly spooked by a painting in the funeral home. We’ll have to wait and see what that’s all about. Because of the circumstances and out of habit, the girls treat Ali as if she’s the queen of England and they are her ladies in waiting. Speaking of girl-on-girl worship, Emily has a swim groupie who adds very little to the episode. 2. “It’s also slippery.” Melissa still has a secret that’s pretty much the only one in the show right now. (Besides the tiny questions of Mrs. D’s killer and the body in Ali’s grave.) Melissa is not down to be associated with Ali’s family, even though Spencer reminds her that they are actually one big (not at all happy) family. Melissa doesn’t buy Spencer’s blood is thicker than water mantra, and neither does Mr. Hastings, who is looking to sell the house ASAP. 3. “This is what it’s like to live in a haunted house.” The girls figure out Jason’s alibi for the night of his mother’s murder, since the Philly apartment is a place he went to get sober. He warns Spencer not to trust their father, as he is packing up to leave. So, Jason probably wasn’t the recipient of the “I can’t protect you anymore” email, but whoever was most likely got the message in person. And maybe killed Mrs. D in return? 4. “No crimes here” Ezra is back in Rosewood to recuperate with a cane that seems super fitting for his older man/stuck-in-the-wrong-time-period personality. Aria and Ali both visit him. Aria confesses to killing Shana, and Ali calls him out on keeping his info on the girls. He wants to use it to help Aria, which might have been a good idea a long, long time ago. In an unintentionally ironic line, he tells Aria that there are “no crimes” in his apartment. Minus the crimes of a teacher sleeping with his underage student, invading her privacy and stalking her. But apparently, that’s totally over now. 5. “The secret to becoming unforgettable.” Throughout the episode, Hanna has flashbacks to her journey from hefty Hanna to Ali-wannabe with Mona’s. There is a hilariously ridiculous scene where the duo walks down the halls with a song about “killer babes” in the background. She has a mini identity crisis and equates losing weight to coming out (is that PC?). The final scene shows her in a hair salon, asking for a change. Have no fear blonde-enthusiasts, the preview shows her looking exactly the same.
Aired: 06/10/2014
1. Barney and Robin get divorced… Pretty early on in the episode, Barney and Robin announce their divorce. After that, the gang pretty much falls apart, mostly because Robin is always MIA. It’s understandable that she doesn’t want to hang out with her ex–husband and two couples. However, this just leads to the most classic divorce/friends growing apart story ever. I’m so disappointed that the creators of HIMYM would let these friendships dwindle out. I know they’re still there for each other for the “big moments,” but, last time I checked, real friends are there for the little moments, too. Friends you always “haven’t seen in forever” don’t get to lovingly be called Aunt and Uncle by your kids, and if this show isn’t about friendship, I don’t know what is. 2. Ellie comes into the world… Barney is still on the prowl with The Playbook II, but after achieving “the perfect month” (31 girls in 31 days), he gets a girl pregnant. The girl (who is only referred to as Number 31) gives birth to a daughter named Ellie. Barney is not one to fall in love at first sight, as he states earlier in the episode, but he sweetly falls head over heels for his little girl. A later scene shows his paternal maturity as he lectures two young girls at MacLaren’s to go home instead of hitting on them and, it turns out, we see some change in him despite the awkward regression he had earlier in this same episode. Do these writers get how maturity works? 3. She’s been gone six years now… So, yes, The Mother is dead. I guess at this point, we knew it was coming, but it didn’t make it any less sad. It did, however, make the kids’ reactions and Ted’s storytelling tone totally not match the emotional significance her death had on the actual audience. Clearly, the decision to kill her off semi–tragically was made pretty late in the game. It’s also somewhat strange that the kids never heard this story before their mother’s death or in the six years since she died. I guess when you film the final scene of a series at the same time that you’re filming the pilot, it can be difficult to anticipate the emotional impact your television series will have. Still, telling us the mother’s name to only kill her off minutes later? Too. Much. 4. The return of The Blue French Horn… Apparently, Ted’s clever kids figure out that the reason he’s actually telling this long–winded story is to show that he is totally into Robin. I hate to be overdramatic, but this decision actually made me queasy. Seriously, you’re telling a story to your kids about their dead mother as a way to explain your interest in another woman? Is it just me, or is that gross? The writers never got over their initial plan to have Ted and Robin end up together, but they did a pretty good job convincing the viewers that they are not at all right for each other. The Mother (I refuse to call her Tracy) was actually perfect for him. And Robin? Well, Robin never was. That’s what the whole first four seasons of this show were about. 5. Nothing lasts forever… “Last Forever” was a stupid title for an episode in which nothing ended up lasting. I knew that it would be hard to watch this episode, but I ended up even more embarrassingly emotional than I had expected. This episode didn’t feel satisfying to me. It wasn’t bittersweet; it was literally just bitter. But I don’t want to hate on the creators and writers too much. They have given us viewers many years of great television and characters whose legacies will long outlive this mediocre farewell. For that, our gratitude will last a long time—if not forever. Want more? Look at our dispatch of the series finale or our list of the top five best running jokes in HIMYM! And check out some of our other HIMYM Season 9 Recaps! "The End of the Aisle" Aired on 03.24.2014 “Gary Blauman” Aired on 03.17.2014 “Vesuvius” Aired on 03.03.2014 “Rally” Aired on 02.24.2014 “Sunrise” Aired on 02.03.2014 “How Your Mother Met Me” Aired on 01.27.2014 “Unpause” Aired on 01.20.2014
1. The Pineapple Incident
1. The locket…Barney is getting cold feet because he doesn’t have the right tie. Robin’s scared it’s a bad sign that she never found her ugly (but we will forgive her because she was essentially a teenage boy when she got it) locket. Ted gives the locket to Barney to give to Robin, which is actually super mature of him. Barney lies about finding it himself, which makes Robin freak out even more about Barney always lying to her. 2. Ted and Robin run away together…Just kidding! But for a moment, Robin totally wants to do it. She asks Ted if she should be with the guy who found her locket and steal the blue French horn, which was a pretty selfish way to think about the situation. However, Ted very dramatically declares that he’s not “that guy” anymore, and he would never break up Barney and Robin (glad it took you like four seasons to realize you don’t want to sabotage your best friends’ relationship, Ted!). It’s actually cool to see this level of character development in Ted, and it is nice to know that he is completely over Robin, once and for all. He’s finally ready to meet The Mother. 3. “Vow dare you!” Barney is struggling to write vows he can keep. He points out that Lily and Marshall have already broken a lot of theirs from 2007 (cue the MySpace joke). After Marshall gets punny with the word “vow,” he and Lily go into the chapel to update their vows. They talk about how no vow can really encompass a lifetime of growing together, which is sweet until they make some poop and vomit jokes. 4. How Robin met your mother…Since Ted won’t run away with her, Robin bolts by herself and crashes into The Mother. The Mother makes a joke about how she used to be a bit of a detective when she was younger––her and Ted are almost too perfect for each other. Now, every other member of the gang has met The Mother. She instructs Robin to close her eyes and breathe (I bet she’s never heard that one before). When Robin opens her eyes, Barney is there to come clean about the locket and to vow to be honest with her for the rest of their lives. Despite the fact that his initials are BS (cue the chorus of Awws). 5. At the altar…Barney freaks out about his tie, and Marshall delivers the final slap in the HIMYM slap bet saga. Bridesmaid Patrice gets up there in a hideous hot pink getup (not that Lily’s is much better), proving once again that these people, like Drake, have no new friends. Patrice tells Robin she looks beautiful, and Robin whispers the classic, “no one asked you, Patrice.” Turns out, there really is a ring bear (as in the animal, Robin’s fear that Barney didn’t understand the concept was totally right), and he is pretty cute. Too bad we didn’t get to see the flower gorilla. Seeing Barney and Robin finally tie the knot definitely stirred up those emotions in preparation for next week’s series finale. (Oh my God, is anyone actually ready for that?!) Check out some of our other HIMYM Season 9 Recaps! "Gary Blauman" Aired on 03.17.2014 “Vesuvius” Aired on 03.03.2014 “Rally” Aired on 02.24.2014 “Sunrise” Aired on 02.03.2014 “How Your Mother Met Me” Aired on 01.27.2014 “Unpause” Aired on 01.20.2014
1. Holy shit, this episode… I really want to whip out some legal pads and start trying to piece all these things together like a Rosewood detective, but then I remember I have actual homework to do. This is definitely not one to watch with the lights off. The foursome sits down with Ali, and she tells all (but really just some because the show must go on). The stakes are high because Ali has arbitrarily decided that if they don’t figure out who A is tonight, she will need to leave for good, which is silly because everyone knows that no one is ever gone “for good” on “PLL”. 2. Welcome home, Melissa! Melissa shows up, and everyone is fake–happy. Don’t worry, she doesn’t have a hot British accent. Apparently, Toby found her in London and told her about Spencer’s relapse. I guess he decided that telling her was worthy of an international plane ticket? So she came back because she has a soul and cares about her sister? Seems unlikely. And Toby stayed in London? None of this really makes sense. Melissa is pretty high up on my hit list of characters on this show. She’s the worst. This episode keeps switching between Ali telling the story of the night she “died,” trying to figure out who A is, and the three Hastings getting questioned/played by Detective Hottie. 3. Who is Mrs. D protecting? We learn in Ali’s story that Spencer didn’t hurt her that night. Yay! Mrs. D saw someone throw a rock at Ali’s head, and she buried her alive, thinking she was dead. So, she’s pinning all of this on Spencer, when she knows it wasn’t her. My first instinct is to guess she’s protecting Jason, but that might be too obvious. Another unrelated highlight of Ali’s story is that she’s actually been healing the girls all along. 4. R.I.P. Ezra… A finds the girls, as does Ezra. A has a gun. He/she/it? shoots at the girls and Ezra. Ezra gets shot, and we are supposed to be sad. I don’t know about you guys, but I’m way over this predator. The girls end up getting A’s gun, but they don’t shoot! Seriously? That was dumb. I wish Aria had pulled out some of her muay thai moves here. 5. The answers we didn’t get… First of all, what the fuck is Noel Kahn doing in this episode? Who threw the rock at Ali? Who is A? How does Ezra know who A is? Why is Mrs. D such a horrible bitch of a mother? Who killed the girl in Ali’s grave? Who is she? Who’s burying Mrs. D at the end of the episode and why? Turns out, A is for almost answers, because we didn’t get too many after all, and this show is starting to get more confusing than “Lost.” At least we know there will be enough material for the fifth season! Check out our other Pretty Little Liars Season 4 recaps! "She's Come Undone" (Aired on 02.25.2014) “Free Fall” (Aired on 02.18.2014) “Hot for Teacher” (Aired on 02.04.2014) “Bite Your Tongue” (Aired on 01.28.2014) “Close Encounters” (Aired on 01.21.2014) “Grave New World” (Halloween Special)
1. The year 2024…The episode begins with Ted and The Mother having a romantic dinner at the Farhampton Inn. Ted starts going through stories from the past, but The Mother has heard them all. They declare themselves an old married couple, which they are very proud of, proving they really are the perfect couple. The sassy concierge man still works at the hotel and makes a reference to Robin breaking a lamp on her wedding day, prompting Ted to tell that story. It’s slightly confusing to frame an episode with Ted telling a story to his wife, when the entire show is framed by him telling all these stories to his kids. I guess it’s a story within a story? The Mother wants to make sure Ted never becomes a guy who lives in his stories. Whoops, it’s nine seasons too late for that… 2. Barney sneaks into Susan Tup’s room…In case you don’t get Barney’s punniness, Sue Tup sounds a lot like “suit up!” Yes, he got a hotel room for his suits. He has to decide what to wear but, unfortunately, all his good suits seem to have (sex) stories attached to them. None of which seem to be about his lovely bride to be, which doesn’t totally make sense since we can only imagine how many times they’ve had sex by now. He ends up choosing a suit that good old Timmy G (a.k.a. Tim Gunn) made special for the occasion. 3. The Wedding Bride Too…In a wonderful comedic throwback, Robin finds “The Wedding Bride Too” on the hotel’s TV. For those who have not watched every episode of the last eight seasons multiple times each (what are you doing with your life?), “The Wedding Bride” is the movie that Stella’s husband Tony wrote about Ted, renaming him Jed. Turns out, Jed has a best friend named Narshall. No wonder Ted never wanted his friends to watch it. 4. The last time we’ll be together…At this point, everyone knows about Ted’s big move to Chicago. While no one but Lily seems to be freaking out pre–wedding, the gang does feel emotional since they don’t know when they will all be together again. 5. What mother misses her daughter’s wedding? Robin’s mother ends up coming to the wedding, despite her fear of flying. It’s the “surprise” ending to this story, although The Mother doesn’t find it so surprising. She asks what mother misses her daughter’s wedding, and Ted breaks down in tears. This show has had its sweet moments, but I have never been really emotionally affected by it until now. All those crazy bloggers who have been guessing that The Mother is dead by the time Ted is telling his kids this story might not be so crazy after all... Check out some of our other HIMYM Season 9 Recaps! “Rally” Aired on 02.24.2014 “Sunrise” Aired on 02.03.2014 “How Your Mother Met Me” Aired on 01.27.2014 “Unpause” Aired on 01.20.2014
1. A Scottish–Mexican fusion restaurant… Three days after the wedding, Ted and The Mother go on their first date. Ted totally breaks the rule about waiting to call her, but he plays the dating game by his own rules. Usually, it doesn’t work out for him, but we know that this time it does! He wants to try a new Scottish-Mexican fusion restaurant, and it turns out to be as bad an idea as it sounds. They wander around, and Ted starts telling The Mother a story from the wedding weekend. She sees her ex–boyfriend (the lame one who proposed in the super nice beach house like yesterday in Farhampton time, that is). They hide behind a car, and she gives the classic “it’s just too soon” bullshit line. In the end, she and Ted make out because he’s just irresistible. 2. That guy… At every wedding, there’s that guest that everyone randomly knows. At this wedding, it’s Gary Blauman (SNL’s Taran Killam), who is making his fifth appearance on HIMYM. Ted hates him because he was a cock block and telepathically called him a Taft, when Ted is totally a Teddy Roosevelt. Lily loves him because he saved her from getting a very large and very creepy breakup tat. Barney hates him because he stole an accidental curly fry in a batch of regular-cut fries. Billy Zabka likes him because he recognized him for his poetry, rather than his role in Karate Kid. James cheated on Tom with Gary Blauman, so it’s just really fucking awkward that he’s at Barney’s wedding. 3. The story of Gary Blauman… This really isn’t a funny story. If I were The Mother, I would’ve been bored a long time ago. It’s a story about a bunch of people she barely knows and how they connect to this other rando. I love how HIMYM has these occasional moments of delusion where we all pretend that the gang has other friends. In the real world, they would be the cliquiest group of twenty–somethings ever. 4. Where are they now? At the end of the episode, Ted gives an update on some of the more random and irrelevant characters from the seasons past. Highlights include that Patrice now has her own radio show, and Ranjit owns the whole limo service. Plus, Ted remembers that Blah Blah’s name is Carol. James and Tom get back together! 5. The end is near… This episode wrapped up some loose ends that, frankly, no one was wondering about. The only thing this added was reminding us that the end is near (depressing, I know). On the bright side, we have the concrete reassurance of knowing Ted and The Mother are going to live happily ever after, even after a shitty first date. Well, unless she dies. Womp womp. Check out some of our other HIMYM Season 9 Recaps! "Vesuvius" Aired on 03.03.2014 "Rally" Aired on 02.24.2014 “Sunrise” Aired on 02.03.2014 “How Your Mother Met Me” Aired on 01.27.2014 “Unpause” Aired on 01.20.2014
1. Aria loses it…In this episode, Aria is majorly struggling because Ezra has been using her this whole time. She goes to his apartment, knocks and then lets herself in with her spare key. Do angry people looking to make an entrance usually knock? She finds Ezra’s collection of dirt on the girls, and then breaks every fragile object in the place. (She really should’ve gone for the typewriter. It’s old, easy to break, symbolic and he loves it. What a missed opportunity!) 2. A fancy literary agency in NYC…Aria finds a note from Ezra’s book agent. She calls the office and learns that Ezra is there, discussing a publication date. She is so angry that she decides to drive to the principal’s house, in the hopes of exposing her relationship with Ezra. She wants him to go to jail, but Hanna talks her out of it. 3. Hanna plays the field…Hanna tells Travis she shouldn’t have kissed him and learns his dad is going to court. She talks about it with Detective Holbrook, who ends up helping Travis’ dad get only probation. Hanna flirts with Travis. Understandably—that boy can really rock the cowboy look and the classic blue suit. Later, she flirts with Holbrook and kisses him in public. She claims she doesn’t know why she did it, but obviously it’s because he’s hot. Guess both Marin women have a thing for attractive members of the Rosewood PD. 4. Spencer struggles with withdrawal…Spencer’s parents want her to go to rehab, but she convinces them to let her quit on her own. She takes stuff from Ezra’s apartment and decides that Mrs. D and her dad think she killed Ali. Oh, and the ever–generous A left some pills in her locker, which she proceeds to take. 5. Paige takes matters into her own hands…Paige follows Emily on her way to drop off money for Ali. Emily tells her that Ali is alive, and Paige threatens to tell the cops and Ali’s family. Emily agrees to drop contact with Ali and things between the girls get awkward (although I feel like their relationship is permanently awkward). Paige claims she’s doing this to protect Emily, and it’s unclear whether she is threatened by the love Emily clearly still feels for her no–longer–deceased friend. Either way, Paige goes against her promise and drops an anonymous note into a police car, revealing that Ali is alive. She always rubbed me the wrong way, and I’d like to say that she is the worst of all the significant others in the show, but Ezra still takes the cake on that one (for now). Check out our other Pretty Little Liars Season 4 recaps! "Free Fall" (Aired on 02.18.2014) "Hot for Teacher" (Aired on 02.04.2014) "Bite Your Tongue" (Aired on 01.28.2014) "Close Encounters" (Aired on 01.21.2014) "Grave New World" (Halloween Special)
1. New Year’s Eve 2022…This episode starts with Ted and The Mother in the back seat of a limo, sharing some champagne. Sadly, Ranjit isn’t driving, even though this would’ve been a great addition to the scene. We find out that The Mother is a writer and has just released a book. She’s nervous that Ted is going to get too drunk, which brings us back to the morning of Barney and Robin’s wedding, when he made a vow to never get shit–faced again. 2. The Stinson hangover fixer elixir…Barney is still passed out 10 hours before the wedding and not even screaming, “your shoes and belt don’t match” will wake him up. He has peed himself and is going to be late for the photos. In seasons past, we learned that Barney is incapable of taking a bad picture, but he is so wasted this morning that he does. The gang realizes the only thing that could fix Barney is his magical green potion (with Tantrum soda and Funions, eww! How are Funions made liquid?) that only he knows the secret ingredient for. 3. I will never get that drunk again…After seeing Barney with the worst hangover ever, everyone vows never to get that drunk again. Marshall breaks the vow (and starts balding) when he thinks he is losing the race for State Supreme Court. He ends up winning and gives a drunken interview about saving Gotham City. Lily breaks her vow after dropping her son off at Wesleyan, but he later shows up to the same bar. Lily responds, in her classic you–son–of–a–bitch voice, “you son of a me!” Robin gets super drunk on a trip to Argentina, and there’s a little fake–out about Robin and Barney having a kid. Turns out, it’s not their baby. 4. Weekend at Barney’s…Barney misses the pictures, but, to put a smile on his face, the gang convinces him they did “Weekend at Barney’s” and held him up with sunglasses on to take the photos. In reality, Robin’s dad kicked him in the balls for missing it. 5. So much love…It turns out there is no secret ingredient. It was all lie that Barney told to make his friends rally after a hard night. Barney created an awesome placebo effect, which shows how much he cares despite all his douchey and selfish moments. The episode ends with Ted, The Mother and two cute kids climbing into bed to celebrate New Year’s Day. There’s a syrupy amount of warm, sweet, loving feelings. The episode didn’t make me laugh out loud, but at least it put a smile on my face. Check out some of our other HIMYM Season 9 Recaps! "Sunrise" Aired on 02.03.2014 "How Your Mother Met Me" Aired on 01.27.2014 "Unpause" Aired on 01.20.2014
1. Spencer is an all–out druggie…Ezra is onto Spencer’s drug habit, so he tells Aria and gives her Spencer’s file, while saying something about how he doesn’t mind breaking some rules to help Spencer. Breaking some rules? You’re a teacher sleeping with a student, clearly you don’t mind. The girls have an intervention, so Spence loses her shit and tells Aria that Ezra is A. She ditches Toby even though he has a really nice dinner planned for her and a tacky necklace. 2. Aria’s high on the Ezra drug…While Spencer is dealing with actual drugs, Aria is battling her “addiction” to Ezra. She starts to realize something is wrong, so she drives out to the cabin to investigate. Apparently, since we last saw the cabin, Ezra has installed some fancy passcode security system. After too many literary figures to count (isn’t there some sort of lockout after a certain number of tries?), Aria guesses the correct passcode: B26. This is a reference to the song that was playing on the jukebox the night Ezra and Aria first met and the title of the poem he wrote about her in season one. 3. A true crime book…While in the cabin, Aria finds pages of a story Ezra wrote about Alison. He gets to the cabin and starts chasing after her through the woods. (Why are there so many random forests near Rosewood?) He traps her on a sketchy chair lift and confesses that he has been writing a true crime book about Alison’s life. Aria feels used and magically gets herself home. 4. Let’s go to the zoo…Spencer organizes Hanna and Emily to make a set up for A in the snake room of the local zoo. Some girl pretending to be Spencer appears and things get dramatic for no clear reason. 5. A word that rhymes with glove…Mike and Mona are still dating, and he’s starting to feel the “word that rhymes with glove.” He’s no rhyming dictionary but sweet nonetheless. Mona gets up during their dinner date to tell Ezra she can’t help him anymore. Not totally sure where this plotline is headed—right now it seems like all it’s doing is making me nauseated. Check out our other Pretty Little Liars Season Four Recaps! "Hot for Teacher" (Aired on 02.04.2014) "Bite Your Tongue" (Aired on 01.28.2014) "Close Encounters" (Aired on 01.21.2014) "Grave New World" (Halloween Special)
1. Shana is still here… Shana is still in Rosewood, but not for long. She planned to meet Emily and get a bunch of money that Emily stole from Ali’s old room, but instead someone shows up in the back of her car. She wakes up a while later looking at the “You are now Leaving Rosewood” sign with a spray–painted message telling her never to come back. She is sufficiently spooked by A’s hardcore vandalism of city property. 2. “Blame it on my ADD, baby”… There is a really awesome sequence where Spencer stays up all night doing research on Ezra. She is high on “study aid” and everything is sped up in time to the song “Sail” by AWOLNATION. It’s probably the best use of music I’ve ever seen in the show (at least in recent memory). I watched this scene twice because it was so well done. In other news, Spencer is now buying “concentration” drugs even though her file (which Ezra steals) seems to suggest that she has her own ADHD diagnosis. 3. Let’s be honest… Ezra and Aria go out to the cabin, and he gives her a speech about how they need to confide in each other. It is all very dramatic and useless. Neither is more honest after, but at least Aria stays with him for the weekend. As we know, Ezra has a lot to hide, including an A lair in the cabin’s basement where he gets surveillance updates on the girls. Back in Rosewood, Spencer fills Hanna and Emily in on her theory. 4. Aria’s getting annoying… She’s all whiny and dramatic and conflicted. Plus, all her hairstyles in this episode were so bizarre, like the wannabe–Princess Leia buns in the opening. Maybe it’s wrong to find her annoying just because we know something she doesn’t, but it all seems so obvious! It’s like a horror movie, and she’s the girl that keeps opening closet doors and gets surprised when she finds something scary. Your boyfriend is an English teacher dating an underage student. Obviously he has a creepy side. 5. Alison is broke and homeless… With Shana bailing from Rosewood, Ali has no one to get the money she needs to continue moving around. She has thirty dollars left—minus however much the bus ticket to an undisclosed location costs. On the bright side, she has a cute picture of all of the girls in her wallet. Check out our other PLL recaps! "Bite Your Tongue" (Aired on 01.28.2014) "Close Encounters" (Aired on 01.21.2014)
1. Barney’s gonna teach you how to live… The very drunk Barney stumbles upon two young men who have no idea how to get girls. He takes them to a strip club and shows them how important the free meatballs are. Despite the fact that it is five a.m., they visit Tim Gunn to get some suits. They finally go back to the original party, which is still popping, even though by now it must be seven a.m. They play a good round of “have you met Justin/Kyle?” And Barney turns over the playbook, which is now just a pile of sticky notes. He reminds them that nothing in life is legendary unless your friends are there to watch you do it. It’s the only genuinely nice sentimental moment (and there are far too many) of the episode. 2. The ghosts of Lily past… Lily runs out of the hotel room, so instead Marshall starts arguing with a ghost of Lily from 2006. A ghost of his dad appears, as does a ghost of Robin at one point. It is all beyond weird. Eventually, real Lily comes back and they decide to stay in New York. The moral of the story is: don’t lie to your wife or her ghosts will come and haunt you for an hour or so. 3. Ted and Robin watch the sunrise… Ted and Robin walk down the beach, pretending to look for Barney while having a fake, little closure for their nine season–long romance. Ted admits that he broke up with Victoria because of Robin, and he divulges his plan of moving to Chicago. We get to see his frantic search for the locket he wanted to give to Robin, which forced him to call both Stella and Victoria (awkward)! 4. Metaphors on metaphors… At the end of the episode, some crazy special effects are employed to make Robin look like she is floating away, in a weirdly literal translation of the old saying “if you love someone set him/her free.” Between this and having two Lilys in the same room, the special effects guy got paid way more than he ever should for a show that is supposed to be a sitcom. 5. Overall, eww… Ted and Robin watch the sun come up together and it should be cute, but it just made me nauseated. You guys are not together, and even if you were, this is all way too forced to be even slightly romantic. Check out our other HIMYM recaps! "How Your Mother Met Me" (Aired on 01.27.2014) "Unpause" (Aired on 01.20.2014)
1. A different type of episode…In celebration of their 200th episode (or because they’re running out of ideas), the creators of HIMYM decided to do things a little differently this week. The episode flashes to many different years, from 2005 to the present, telling the past eight seasons from the point of view of The Mother. They’ve even changed the title sequence to pictures of the mother’s life (including some of now–lesbian roommate Cindy).
1. There’s a new counselor in town…Rosewood High has gotten a new guidance counselor named Jesse. His first order of business was to start a support group for some of the troubled students, including Mike and Mona. The pair bonds over their laundry list of issues and make out in public. Clearly, Mike has a thing for girls with issues—that also happen to be his older sister’s age. Why the foursome was not included in the support group or why they have never been sent to see a school guidance counselor makes about as much sense as Hanna’s newfound (and totally random) obsession with mystery novels.
Get 34th Street's newsletter, The Toast, delivered to your inbox every Friday morning.
Newsletters