Every year we’re stunned by Penn students’ sheer inability to submit funny shoutouts. Since you never learn, we’re making an example of some particularly heinous submissions. We’re not laughing with you, we’re laughing at you.
Thanks to three consecutive midterms, I ended up spending Fall Break in Philly. I don’t even know if it could be called a break (how Penn thinks that canceling Monday’s classes constitutes a vacation is beyond me), but it did allow for some quality time with my equally midterm-challenged roommates.
I went to my first Penn party the January of my senior of high school. Fresh off the high of my early admittance, I visited a friend from home who was a freshman living in the Quad, and took in all of Penn’s earthly delights.
As humans, we are all driven by fear: fear of loss, fear of failure, fear of insignificance. But we college students (or, at least, we Penn students) are driven by another type of fear: the fear of missing out.
Twas the day before Fling, and up to campus’s edge,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a pledge.
The booze had been smuggled into the Quad with care,
In hopes the RAs wouldn’t know it was there.
The students in class wished they were in their beds,
With visions of fried Oreos dancing in their heads.
Tonight’s festivities would include a downtown jaunt,
Mashups and dancing at our fave nighttime haunts.
Papers and exams seemed so very far away,
Kegs and eggs is how kids would choose to start their day.
Friday would bring inflatables and the yummiest of food,
A cappella performances would help complement the mood.
Fling wouldn’t be complete without a funnel cake or two,
Not to mention a trip to the Zete petting zoo.
The DP’s Quad booth promised photos and more,
Oh, there’s such well-deserved fun in store!
The Green would be filled with lots of earthly delights,
(Study the back of our insert so you don’t miss the sights.)
When nighttime cometh, Akon would take the Fling stage,
With the Guster boys in tow (check out our first insert page).
But be wary, dear reader, of your Flungover state,
Make good choices, drink water, be smart and be safe.
And when Sunday comes, there is one thing you must do:
Submit lots of Shoutouts, we want to hear from you!
Stage Five Flinger,
In an effort to make flying a little more pleasant this spring break, I decide to pack light. I threw a few sweaters, some jeans and a couple pairs of sneakers in a bag and headed to good ol’ PHL International.