Every year we’re stunned by Penn students’ sheer inability to submit funny shoutouts. Since you never learn, we’re making an example of some particularly heinous submissions. We’re not laughing with you, we’re laughing at you.
Here at Penn, we are all trying to be the best at something. Everyone you meet on Locust has lined up the next crowning achievement he or she’s going to strive for: the top grade in Accounting 101, the chair of a performing arts institution, the captainship of a sports team or an appointment to a prestigious senior society.