Dear College Apartments,

I just wanted to send you a super quick email with a few maintenance requests for our house on 4666 Spruce. First of all, some of the paint is peeling in the living room, so I’m hoping you could send someone over to repaint it. The window on the second floor is also stuck and it would be great if you could help with that. One other thing is that in the dead of night there’s an uncanny wailing, as if from the very depths of hell itself and my roommate on the third floor hears eerie whispers that the dead will rise to exact revenge.

Thanks,

Alison

Dear 4666 Spruce,

Unfortunately, we won’t be able to come repaint the walls until the end of the semester. Someone from our office will stop by to unstick that window tomorrow between 8 a.m. and 10 a.m.

Best,

College Apartments

Dear College Apartments,

Thanks so much! I was just wondering if you’ve had any time to think about dealing with the last problem I mentioned? When I woke up this morning my walls were covered in unintelligible runes that appeared to be written in blood, so it would be very helpful if we could try and come up with a solution.

Thanks,

Alison

Dear 4666 Spruce,

Please remember that any decorations on the walls have to be painted over before the end of your lease.

Best,

College Apartments

Dear College Apartments,

Sorry to bother you again. All week long, the lights have been suddenly going out as a booming voice proclaims the coming of the end of time and my roommate has begun gibbering meaninglessly. I would really appreciate if someone could come over to sort this out.

Thanks,

Alison

Dear 4666 Spruce,

Issues with power should be taken up with PECO.

Best,

College Apartments

Attention Mortal,

Alison is no longer your tenant. There is no Allison. She resides among the spirits now, and this house belongs to Ba’al, God of Darkness.

Also, the window on the second floor is stuck again.

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