This article was originally published as part of the joke issue on 12.4.2014

    Britney Spears

    • Shaved her head recently - not cute

  • Christina Aguilera

  • Soulja Boy Tell Em

    • Asked me to give him a kiss first, don’t wanna do it IRL & mom hasn’t gotten my RAZR fixed yet

  • Lil Bow Wow

    • Says he’s no longer little, doesn’t do this shit anymore

    • Disappeared last week

  • Madonna

    • No, mom. This concert is for ME NOT FOR YOU

    • Wants to bring her daughter = MORE NO

  • R Kelly

    • Doesn’t like girls 

  • 50 cent

    • Likes girls too much

  • Mariah Carey

    • Thinks everyone’s obsessed with her. They’re actually obsessed with me

  • Daddy Yankee

  • Lil Mama

    • Might steal lip gloss from goodie bags

    • Cheap

  • Sean Paul

    • Ugh can’t understand him over the phone

  • MiMS

    • I HAVE TO HAVE HIM CUZ THIS IS WHY IM HOT

    • I REALLY WANT HIM

    • ugh how many times can he play that song over and over, maybe not

  • Taio Cruz

    • Tells these boys like it is - IM GONNA BREAK UR HEART!!!! LOL

    • From the UK. More expensive?? Might detract from Benz $

  • Sean Kingston

    • Parade following him will make me look POPULAR!

      • Plus, he thinks I’m beautiful. (I am)

      • ...but do we really want fire?

  • Akon

    • Locked up they wont let him out :(

  • Jessica Simpson

    • No, mom

  • Cheetah Girls (x)

    • NO, MOM.

  • Ne-Yo

    • Dreamy!!!!!

    • Can be my lullaby instead <333

  • EMINEM

    • Never opened my letters

  • Gwen Stefani

    • Prettier than me

  • Justin Timberlake

    • PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • PLEEEEEEEEEEEEASE

    • PLEASE

  • Fergie

    • Milky milky NAH

  • XZIBIT

  • Too busy pimpin rides

  • Already working on the car

  • Usher

    • TIFF HAD HIM AT HER PARTY LAST WEEEEEEEEK!

  • Ciara

  • CAN TEACH US TO DANCE x33333

  • Chamillionaire (x)

    • NO MOLLY AT. MY. PARTY!!!!!!!!! (Editor’s Note: They see me rollin… is this clear? lol)

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