Subhead: ABC brought you Wife Swap, but in honor of Valentine's Day, Ego is bringing you the less shitty, equally as unrealistic, Boyfriend Swap. Both of the Ego editors put their professional and romantic relationships on the line, all for the sake of "journalism"–read: free Distrito margaritas. 

^updated by Casey, but I want more puns/word play.

Both of the Ego editors have dates for Valentine's Day this year, so naturally we decided to switch it up. For investigative and journalistic purposes? To secretly manipulate our boyfriends? We're still not sure. 

Casey Quackenbush and Sam Gerson

Year: Sophomores

Been dating: Two months


Randi Kramer and Evan Korn

Year: Juniors

Been dating: About a week, but have been good friends since freshman year. 


Casey: 

How did you feel going into this?

I pregamed it alone, so great.

Why did you agree to this?

I’ve actually had a secret crush on Evan since freshman year, so this was my one shot to steal him from Randi. 

Best part of the meal?

Holy shit those nuts—on the table. These peanuts were coated in all sorts of spices that I can’t pronounce and made my nose run like an infected child. I dumped them in my purse afterwards and stole them.

Worst? 

Realizing how far away the guac was. 

What did you talk about?

Randi. If I’m going to break them up, I need to learn everything I can.

Tell me one thing you liked about Evan.

He was a great story teller. He told me this one awesome story about observing a surgery in Uganda while on a mission trip. We talked about flesh. I was really into it.

Tell me one thing you disliked about Evan.

He outdrank me! That never happens.  

Did your date have good manners?

Fantastic. He somehow managed to eat his fish tacos without dropping them everywhere. Meanwhile mine were in my lap.

How drunk did you get?

I was fine until double shots of tequila from Randi and Sam arrived with the message “Dont fuck with us.” I woke up the following morning fully clothed unsure whether I was next to Sam or Evan.

Will you leave your significant other for your date?

I’ll respond to that after I read Sam’s answer to this question.

Randi:

How did you feel going into this?

A little nervous! I felt weird putting make up on. Didn’t know how hard I was supposed to try.

Why did you agree to this?

Lack of journalistic integrity. Just kidding, I thought it would be hilarious.

Best part of the meal?

Sending double shots of tequila back to Evan and Casey with the message, “Don’t fuck with us.”

Worst?

Saying goodbye! Sam and I had a great time.

What did you talk about?

Literally anything and everything. It was such a no–pressure conversation, we were able to hit on some really deep stuff.

Tell me one thing you liked about Sam.

He dressed up for me! Kid showed up in a blazer with a pocket square. It made me feel so special.

Tell me one thing you disliked about Sam.

He’s 19! I felt like such a cougar.

Did your date have good manners?

Impeccable! He was so polite to the waiters, and I think that tells a lot about a person.

How drunk did you get?

Absolutely hammered.

Will you leave your significant other for your date?

Gonna have to go with no. Sam’s great, but he’s no Evan.


Evan:

How did you feel going into this?

I was excited, a little bit anxious. Excited particularly for free food and margaritas. I live for free food. 

Why did you agree to this?

Because Randi asked me to. I’m super whipped.

Best part of the meal?

Sending shots to Sam and Randi for their “first anniversary.”

Worst?

The unnecessary judgemental look the waiter gave me when I kept ordering margaritas.

What did you talk about?

A little bit of everything. We talked about Sam and Randi, we talked about our families, we talked about Penn. Randi made Casey ask me about being a NJB [Ed. note: that's a Nice Jewish Boy, if you didn't know.] just to annoy me. And I had to explain the concept to her, so that was surprising.

Tell me one thing you liked about Casey.

I can now add "went on a date with a Tabard girl" to my LinkedIn profile. 

Tell me one thing you disliked about Casey.

I got nothing, she was great!

Did your date have good manners?

Yeah, for sure. Absolutely no food on her face. And she planned what she was going to get before we got there, so she was ready to go. I respect that.

How drunk did you get?

Somewhere in between slightly slurring my speech and waking up to find myself lost the next morning trying to figure out where I got the sombrero and trained monkey named Mike. 

Will you leave your significant other for your date?

No plans to at the moment.

Sam:

How did you feel going into this?

Kind of like how the guys that killed Bin Laden felt. I knew what I was getting myself into. The mission could have been a rousing success or an utter failure. This was no time for mistakes.

Why did you agree to this?

If Christ sacrificed himself for humanity, I would most certainly sacrifice myself for the greater good of Street. More importantly, my girlfriend asked me to, and you never bite the hand that feeds…

Best part of the meal?

Realizing that the DP was about to subsidize my drinking problem.

Worst?

Realizing that the frozen margarita machine still had more to give, but I didn’t.

What did you talk about?

That’s confidential, but don’t worry Evan. Your secret is safe with me (for now). 

Tell me one thing you liked about Randi.

The fact that she liked to eat! It sounds trivial, but in my opinion sharing food with another human being is hands down the most unifying act on this planet, besides of course....

Tell me one thing you disliked about Randi.

That she wears glasses...I mean come on Randi are your eyes even trying?!?

Did your date have good manners?

Impeccable. Easily the best indicator of upbringing, attitude, and the chance we interact again

How drunk did you get?

At the end of the meal, as the margaritas began to permeate through my bloodstream, I understood what Lil Boosie meant when he said he was (and I quote), “Loose as a Goose”. 

Will you leave your significant other for your date?

If Randi dyes her hair blonde, takes up skiing, and can avoid Casey’s unfailing ability to randomly flail some part of her body in a way that causes me pain then sign me up!


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