To my bootycall: Buy me a drink and see what I'll do for you ;)

To my smelly roommate: Fuck you, fuck what your life, and fuck your shoes.

To 234 for hanging out with the freshmen on Shabbat: Thanks for taking care of them –Penn Parents.

To the total girl at that frat party who I kissed on the mouth: You have very nice kissing.

To the hedgehog: Your owner -"

To Jane Goodall: Thanks for coming to Penn.

To the guy who wanted to be just friends after telling me he loved me and making me love him: Fuck you, you a–hole.

To the ZBT senior who came in his pants: Is that a side effect of fasting for Yom Kippur?

To that guy in Sig Chi who threw a diaper across the Penn Princeton darty.