Wannabe, but unpublished, Critic: “I love how people will write one story for 34th Street and suddenly think they’re journalists.”

Out of the Loop: "I don't get it, is 'winter' a character or a season? Why would it have taken two years to come?"

Flung Hardo: "I just blacked back in from Thursday."

Selfless Philanthropist: “You know, it was such a great decision on my behalf to be dumped by that guy.”

Gym Bro at Pottruck: “Yeah, he says his ass is tight? I swear my ass is at least, like, 5 times tighter than his.”

Corporate Snake who loves his snake: “Once, I masturbated in a GSR.”