Ask Miss Cassandra: Confronting Your Demons if You're Sensitive to Semen
Q: Can someone be allergic to semen? I think I am.
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Q: Can someone be allergic to semen? I think I am.
This article was originally published as part of the joke issue on 12.5.2013
So I keep getting ingrown hair and I know it’s ingrown hairs and not an STD, but I’m worried that other people won’t. I just want to get rid of them. Okay so not really a question, but Miss Cassandra has got you covered. Ingrown hairs are pretty natural, you can actually get them anywhere on your body—fun fact. It’s unfortunate to get them down there because while they don’t look like any known STI, drunk-one-time-hook-ups see a red bump and freak out. Shaving can often be the cause of ingrown hairs. You can get them without shaving, but shaving can disrupt the follicle and make it a bigger problem. The easiest way to cut down on them is to simply stop shaving. But I know about the kids today with their bikini lines and manscaping, they think they have to be hairless down there. I get it. Try waxing if it’s so important to look like a naked mole rat. It hurts like a bitch, but it’ll last longer. But if you’re really attached to shaving, there are some ways to reduce ingrown hairs. Make sure you change your razor often. Also, using shaving cream (steal your boyfriend’s, he won’t notice) can really reduce razor burn that leads to in growns. Try shaving with hot water, as well. If you still have a problem, you can get rid of them (or make them go away faster). Try gently exfoliating the area either with a scrub or a glove (be careful with scented products, though). You can also use acne medication with benzoyl peroxide. Some people say to take a needle or tweezers to it (which can work) but applying a warm compress will work just as well and there’s no risk of stabbing yourself. How do threesomes happen? I am first going to tell you how a threesome doesn’t happen. Getting black out at a party and propositioning a hot girl and her sorority sister doesn’t make a Ménage; that gets you a red cup of vodka to the face. Going up to a lesbian couple and saying how hot they both look doesn’t make a 3-way, but instead, a punch in the groin. Secondly, I am assuming you’re the freshman boy type who’s thinking, (German accent) “two ladies and I’m the only man.” You think you’re a sex god. You think that you can’t only handle a threesome but will be some kind of orgasm machine. I want to stop you right there. Threesomes are kind of awkward. Without implicating herself, Cassandra has been around the block a couple of times and sometimes sex is better with just two. Three’s a weird number. Orgies are not an equal opportunity employer. Not everyone gets a chance to roll with the big boys or balls. Sex isn’t porn. But if you’re really going to do this, do it right. Talk to your partners before hand. Communication is key. You probably won’t find group sex leaving a kegger (well maybe at Pilam). Finding people for this is probably the hardest part. Luckily, the world is full of freaky people.
Dear Miss Cassandra, my boyfriend is in London for the semester and I want to try Skype sex. But it just feels really awkward. Any tips for the digital set?
Hi, I’m 23 I gym five days a week, my question to you is it normal if u masturbate the night before but get 9 hours of sleep to not be able to lift as heavy as the day before on account of the sperm loss and lastly if I’m gym in five days a week shouldn’t I be getting morning wood every morning? (sic)
The guy I am hooking up with says that it’s hard for him to get it up when he’s wearing a condom? Is that a thing? I mean he’s had problems with it while we’ve been hooking up, but I don’t know how to solve it, because I’m not comfortable with him not using one.
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year now and everything has always been great in bed. Lately though, he has been hinting that my vagina smells weird, like Caesar salad. I don’t smell anything but he’s getting weirded out. What should I do? Is it normal for my vagina to smell like this?
I’m afraid that I’m bad at oral sex. Any advice?
Dear Miss Cassandra,
So I had anal sex last night and kind of, like, ripped my anus. What do I do?
I know last week you said size doesn't matter, but my boyfriend is on the smaller side. I think it is hurting our sex life. Should I talk to him about it? Do you have any advice?
Street, like our distant cousin the Daily Pennsylvanian, would like to take this opportunity to welcome you to Penn. For those of you who don’t know, I’m Miss Cassandra and I will be your weekly source of advice for anything you may need to navigate through your time here. I might be a bitch, but I’m your bitch. It's time to purge your minds of the DP's letter — I'm here now and I won't share the spotlight. DRL? Football games? Score cards? Sure, if these things interest you then by all means go ahead and toss your toast–loving hearts out, but these quintessentially freshman activities are not the be all and end all of your frosh experience. The point of college is to do whatever the fuck makes you happy, but please stop posting in the Penn 2017 group. You want to SWUG Life it up already and go out every weeknight with your fake ID? Be my guest. You want to spend every Friday in your dorm watching Netflix? You do you. You want to spend your nights waiting to be mentioned on Penn Compliments? You’ll need more friends. Although, I will give each of you this advice: try everything once, especially attending a toga party. The great thing about Penn is that there’s an opportunity for all of you little wierdos. I don’t care what you do. Just do something. But don’t be one of those freshmen that waits outside Commons for it to open. Nobody wants to be that person. I can identify one extracurricular you want to be involved in, though. You want to have sex. Well, you’ve come to the right place. You know I love sex. Not only are you thirsting for knowledge at this fine institution, but you’re also thirsting for some late–night loving. One of the great things about Penn is that you get to play adult for a few years before you actually have to be an adult. Get weird on your Twin XL bed with your equally inexperienced peers. Congrats. But please, I know you’ve heard it from your school nurse, your mom, and “16 and Pregnant,” but I am now telling you to always be safe and always be respectful, you fucks. No one wants to be that betch breastfeeding in econ class. And Penn does not fuck around with non–consent. STIs aside, my advice to you is to take a chance and go outside your comfort zone (read: position); one time, that’s all I’m asking. If you don’t like it, you wasted a night you could have spent doing something else. Like getting wasted. But if you do, you’ve opened up a whole new world of possibilities and friendships. Don’t be that senior wheeling a rolling backpack down Locust wondering how you spent four years in a Van Pelt carrel. Put yourself out there. You’re in for the ride of your lives.
I really want to experiment with girls. Is it ok for straight girls to do that? Like is that ethically ok? It’s on my bucket list to have sex with a lesbian.
How do you get over the fact that a person you’re interested in has an ex that is more attractive than you?
Can you have sex while on your period?
Can spooning naked get you pregnant?
Should I try anal sex? (I am a woman).
When should I start seeing an OB/GYN?
How do lesbians scissor?
I’m very curious about your opinion on losing your virginity, perhaps in a strange place. How about in a MERT room? Would you recommend that?
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