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So, you’re gonna act all uninformed at first, like, “Oh—DJ Three–Lau, who the hell is that?” And trick your friends into thinking that you don’t know how to say his (her? LOL another good joke!) name by dropping “DJ Bee–Lau”on them. You’ll seem so informed because at first you faked them out like you didn’t know stuff, but now you do know stuff. Comedy!
Here are a few that have worked in the past: “Ping Pong? More like fling flong,” “Give me some immodium, because I have a terrible case of flingarrhea,” and “My parents don’t love me but at least fling does!”
Because sometimes puns and pop culture references get old.
$20—Cover charge at fling downtown
The acceptance rate for the Penn Class of 2020 was a jaw dropping 9.4%. As a current high school junior it might feel like your dream of being a Quaker will never come true...and well, for 90.6% of you, you’re probably right. But there are a few things you can do to give yourself an edge.
For those who are still somehow making it to classes nowadays, you’ve probably been harassed once or
twice by a flyerer on Locust. To alleviate your stresses,
Highbrow’s dishing out something you’ll actually
want to read. Before you commit yourself to seeing
five performing arts shows this weekend, we need to
aca–tell–ya all things brunch and all–around bold. In
case you need a little more than some aural fixation,
the Round Up is here to satisfy your gossip cravings.
1st Floor: You’re here to jog and
be seen, and don’t mind running into
everyone you know.
What better way to welcome your baby Quaker to Penn than to introduce them to the number one leading cause of falling down the stairs into their vomit–soaked fracket, peeing on a wall adjacent to the bathroom for no apparent reason and drunk texting their ex who they haven’t talked to for a solid three years? Luckily, it also seems to cause selective amnesia.
6:37 am: I realize I don’t have to meet my host for another three hours. I wait patiently, staring at the clock and checking to see if college Yik Yak is truly as great as they say.
You cannot trust that goddamn transfer student that Residential Services assigned to live with you in your high–rise quad sophomore year when your fourth roommate decided to "live in her sorority house" for the "full sisterhood experience." Fuck you, Rachel. I don't have any bananas because of you.
Some lucky Quakers spent this weekend hunting for eggs full of candy and chocolate bunnies;
Highbrow’s here to assure you that our Easter basket caught all the sweet gossip. The absurdity might
come as a shock, like the the strangely flavored jelly
beans you accidentally inhaled, but we’re not April
Judgmental girl in
Huntsman: That is such a
Girl: Because you fuck up.
Do you ever argue with your friends about which is better, food or sex? Do you ever wake up for a little morning nookie—but find yourself torn between sex and breakfast? And, honestly, do you ever just wish you could make sweet, sweet love to your favorite culinary delight? Well, Street's all about making dreams come true. So, in honor of our Spring Dining Guide, we asked several couples to take gastronomy to the bedroom.
Tip #1: For the SABS rookie, the first thing you need to
know is location is everything. If you’re looking for the best
place to post up with a squad, try outside of Frontera or College Green. Reserve Capogiro for that job interview so you
can flaunt your pre–professionalism to all the plebes on Walnut. If you want a less conspicuous SABS spot (do those even
really exist?), the tables across from Phi Delt are your go–to.
Disney princesses have fallen on some hard times. In a post–recession global economy, it’s no longer feasible to spend all day whimsically singing and dancing around 22 bedroom/13–and–a–half bathroom castle in rural France. So some of Disney’s princesses have chosen to heed Rihanna’s advice and interview for jobs so they can “work, work, work, work, work, asdlfjaoadafo, work, work, work, work, work.”
Photos of Princess Tiana and Prince–Navee–as–a-frog making out surface. Tiana is sentenced to sex addiction rehab for her supposed bestiality problem. During her time in rehab, Tiana, with the aid of Belle from Beauty and the Beast, helps her fellow rehabbers realize that sex with animals is only cool if the animals will eventually turn into humans. Also, Prince Naveen drowns in gumbo.
This week, Street took the time to sit down with the under–appreciated characters of Disney: the sidekicks. Here's what they believed happened in the stories we think we know so well.
And each was better than the last.
Listen up, lads and lassies, because we’re letting you know the Irish jig is up. They say that at the end of every rainbow there’s a pot of gold, and here at Highbrow, we like that gold to be gossip. From your backlot blunders to your mishaps at DeckHaus, we can’t even be–Guiness to tell you about all the crazy *shit* that happened. On second thought, you might want that extra shot of whiskey in your Bailey’s. This week’s Round Up won’t go down nearly as smooth.
Ten consequences of the questionable mixed drink you downed on St. Fratty's Day.