OVERHEARDS 09.01.16
Girl in Geology #1: How was your summer?
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Girl in Geology #1: How was your summer?
Did you get NSOoo wasted last weekend? Even if you didn’t, Highbrow’s here to welcome you back to Penn with this week’s reckless Round Up. For all those freshmen that posted in the Penn 2020 group about embodying the “work hard, play hard” mentality, here’s a little insight into what that really means.
You're welcome.
Things we're not looking forward to:
DO: Knock on all doors. Take this both literally and figuratively. College is your chance to try new things and meet new people. Now is the time to determine whether you made it into a cool hall or if you have the RA that will cite you on your first night of NSO (not speaking from experience or anything).
You know her. We all do. Her family has been going to Penn for generations. You don’t think she had to even write a personal statement on the common app. She just wrote her last name with a winky face next to it and they sent her an acceptance letter. Her blood is rooted in Locust Walk. No, actually. The other day she tripped at the compass, shed some red, and continued to explain its superstitions.
The night is young so
9:00 a.m. Drive in from Westchester with a dream and an over–anxious mother.
So there weren’t any Jews in Hicksville, Iowa yet you somehow ended up at the Jewniversity of Pennsylvania, the place with the highest concentration of Jews between Brooklyn and Boca. Here are some fast facts so you’re not schvitzing when your friends bring you to Hillel.
Is your bubbe worried about her baby going hungry in college? Fear not, bubbe! Penn offers an array of dining options. It’s never going to be good but it’s always going to be risky!
Nominate your overachieving friend for Ego of the Week. Or nominate yourself, we'll never know.
Screw New Year's Resolutions; new Penn year resolutions are much more important. We asked the staff of Summer Street what their goals were for the upcoming year – or, at least, what they kept telling themselves they'd quit. Here's what they said:
Maybe it was from the moment you laid eyes on the three dingy walls (read: cubicle) that would enclose you for 40 hours a week. Or maybe it was when you had to reorganize excel sheets for the 100th time. But it's official, you hate your internship. Don’t worry, you aren’t the only one. According to Career Services, internships only sound beneficial though just take up your time and give the company free labor.* At the most, you may learn what you DON'T want to do in the future. Hoping you will achieve at least that, here are 10 more ways to ensure you learn everything you are not supposed to do professionally. If your work is going to waste, it might as well get you fired.
Penn can be shitty sometimes. A lot of the time, actually, and we're not shy about drawing attention to the darker sides of Dear Ol' Penn. But for every 2 am trip to Huntsman, every "Oh my god, are we really supposed to pay hundreds of dollars for a freaking pool party" moment, there are times– many times, really– when Penn lives up to the admissions brochure glory. Penn has its own particular magic. And it's summer, dammit– we miss our friends, we're bored at work, we've got at least six solid weeks until we're reunited with Wawa quesadillas. Welcome to our love letter to college, the collected pieces of Penn our staff misses over the summer.
You are not supposed to matter. It’s hard to summarize Penn’s collective attitudes towards the people we casually hook up with, but many of us get socialized, from NSO onward, to live by that statement. Push down our feelings. Only text after midnight. We are not supposed to “catch feelings”, we’re not supposed to get attached, and we’re certainly not supposed to let any trace of emotion linger past move-out and last into summer.
We all like to pretend that our random DFMOs, side baes, booty calls and other boo thangs don’t matter to us. On the outside, we might succeed in creating this “I’m so over it” facade. Yet, when it comes down to it, we are all guilty of stalking our past hookups on at least one form of social media.
Picking up this application was the best decision you’ve made in your life. Or, at minimum, the best decision you’ve made in the last hour. Welcome to 34th Street, Penn’s premiere Arts and Culture Magazine. We’re not trying to brag, but we’ve been described as, “the Dom Perignon waterfall of Penn,” “too rowdy to ever come back to Banana Leaf, now get out before we call the cops, I’m serious” and “a magazine.”
They hold the door open for us when they pick us up from the airport. They help unload the suitcases you won’t unpack all summer and wheel your rolling backpack into your childhood room. They say they’re so excited to have you home again—for a week before you go to New York, a month before you head back to Philly, maybe even the whole summer. And then, they— parents, siblings, the people you call your family— ask you about Penn. You sure as hell don’t tell the truth.
Did Fling BLAU (3LAU? Who gives a shit) by for you? Because it did for us. As we all come down from our weekend highs and start to gear up for finals, Highbrow wants to give you one last treat for your VP reprieve. If this semester has taught us anything it’s 1) Don’t kiss and tell, and 2) Definitely don’t piss and tell. But rather than learn from these mistakes, Highbrow’s totally cool with you continuing to make them. The show must go on, right Chance?
It probably seemed like a good idea at the time. You were gin drunk and just knew that if you didn’t have a sleepover at Barney the Dog’s house you would literally die. Things look different in the cold light of morning. You slept with your contacts in and are wearing a leopard trimmed cocktail dress. Yes you chose this little number post pre–game but still, why do you own it in the first place? Do you escape barefoot or slip back into your stilettos that were already out for blood last night? Where are those heels, anyhow? What time is it? 9:50a.m. Friday morning. “The only way out is through,” you remind yourself as you stare down the front door. Locust Walk looks like a Los Angeles highway and you, the newest Cheetah Girl, make a mad dash through it, saying silent prayers until you reach the Quad. In the process, you run into your Spanish partner who you told you were deathly ill, your Econ TA you have a crush on and even the DP guy who you accept a paper from as penance. Don’t try this one at home, kids.
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