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Remember to tweet before you fling.
April 9, 2014 at 12:13 pm

Dear LaLa, Last week I was blowing this guy after my date night and everything was going pretty well.
April 3, 2014 at 9:37 am

JAP: How does Ernest Owens have a boyfriend and I don’t? (Ed. Note: Ernest also was selected for EOTW and you weren't.) Guy on Locust: They couldn’t get actual drugs, so she took a horse tranquilizer. Pledge: My Tinder standards are, like, not as low as my real standards. Hipster: Once I realized they were in Pikapp I was like “WTF” because I thought they went to Drexel.
April 3, 2014 at 9:19 am

Here's how much of it we'd shell out to see each of these things go down.
April 3, 2014 at 9:05 am

Last Thursday, Penn released its regular admission decisions for the class of 2018. Only 9.9% of the 35,868 applicants were accepted.
April 3, 2014 at 8:21 am

Highbrow’s starting a new senior society. You want in? Sorry, we’re not looking for Greek “leaders” or overhyped athletes.
April 3, 2014 at 8:12 am

Vote for the spring's best tweet!
April 1, 2014 at 5:36 pm

Unlike the orgasm you faked last night, I'm real.
March 27, 2014 at 9:49 am

Penn breeds Winners. Every hour of every day, we’re Achieving and becoming Leaders. And it never stops. 6–8 a.m., we’re competing for the title of “Woke Up Earliest to Do Homework.” 9–11 a.m., the game is on for “Has Too Much Class to Eat Breakfast.” 12–3 p.m., “Spent the Longest Amount of Time at Pottruck.” 4–6 p.m., “Too Much Volunteering to Eat Dinner.” 7–9 p.m., “Finished Lab Report Before Pregame.” 10–12 a.m., “Took Most Shots Without Blacking Out.” 1–3 a.m., “Stayed Out the Latest, No FOMO.” 4–6 a.m., “Slept the Least.” We just can’t stop competing, against our friends and ourselves.
March 27, 2014 at 8:51 am

The new list of what's in and what's out.
March 27, 2014 at 8:39 am

Pikapp pledge: We need, like, some more wholesome Protestants. We have a fair amount of Catholics, but they’re basically Jews.
March 27, 2014 at 8:32 am

Dear little Brownie Bites, did you have a nice weekend? Did you enjoy the sunshine while throwing back Guinness and Bailey’s?
March 27, 2014 at 8:27 am

[poll id="204"]
March 25, 2014 at 1:37 pm

Theos boy: I’m kind of trendy right now.
March 20, 2014 at 9:30 am

1. Mall movie theaters 2. Early morning flights 3. Continental Breakfasts 4. Florida 5. PV FOMO 6.
March 20, 2014 at 9:30 am

Introducing LaLa: Hi.
March 20, 2014 at 9:15 am

We didn’t ask for this to be easy. We didn’t come to Penn looking for a relaxing four–year spring break.
March 20, 2014 at 9:00 am

(857): I watch more porn than I watch movies.   (714): God I would jam you so hard   (714): U know I’m hot as fuck   (714): I don’t jerk to ppl who think I’m ugly   (714): Dude ur totes buying condoms at the mall   (510): Spring breakers is actually pretty accurate cause I wanna kill like everyone in Miami right now   (510): Fuck I literally accidently texted my ex instead of you asking him “where he at in this gay club”   (646): I don’t think I’m alive anymore...I just puked 5 times before 1pm   (773): My burn finally turned to tan!! Just in time to peel off...it now looks likes splotty third nipple   (508): My strep rash cleared just in time to get sunburnt   (734): You’d think we’d get drunk and do something fun but we just got drunk and played monopoly   (215): Damn mtha fackacs   (516): She had a nipple piercing and a tramp stamp but told me not to worry because she got both when she 15.
March 20, 2014 at 8:45 am

Week two of Highbrow's immersion into the complicated world of dating apps.
March 20, 2014 at 8:40 am

Welcome back to Penn–adise, muchachos. Sorry you have to trade your bikinis for winter parkas. While the weather may be cold and cloudy, Highbrow is here to bring the sunshine back into your lives.
March 20, 2014 at 8:10 am