Humor

Did you know that April 1st is called April Fish Day in France? Actually, les French prefer to call it poisson d'Avril ... good thing we're in America where we don't speak French or, as George W.
April 8, 2004 at 12:00 am

To the Mexican from your Jew - After mucho petting and taco-flavored kisses, we're going to do the horizontal salsa and make babies named Latke, Gefilte Fish and Cheech & Chong. Hey I saw you two Saturdays ago at a Phi Delt party.
April 8, 2004 at 12:00 am

The other night I was drunkenly messaging people on Facebook, listening to some Pixies and wildly vomiting into my trash can, when it suddenly occurred to me that I don't get the term 'hipster.' Does anybody really know what this word means?
April 1, 2004 at 12:00 am

Media can be used as an instrument for change.The very week we print our incendiary critique of the arguably insufficient "Four or Fewer" campaign in the March 18th issue of Street, the Office of Health Education changes its message to "Take Your Time," as seen in its ubiquitous advertising printed in our parent paper, The Daily Pennsylvanian. Did the OHE sense the growing awareness of a newly informed student body?
April 1, 2004 at 12:00 am

All my friends are leaving me. Now, I don't just mean the ones who are graduating in a few weeks, though that's happening.
April 1, 2004 at 12:00 am

I have, in recent years, come to terms with my addictive personality. And I don't mean in the sense that people are addicted to my personality, though that happens too.
March 25, 2004 at 12:00 am

Did everybody get a red sticker? Great. OK, before we start the tour I just want to say that you should feel free to ask any questions at any time.
March 25, 2004 at 12:00 am

Well here it is. I've spent the last four years of my life writing that same A-/B+ paper over and over again to finally obtain that coveted Ivy League diploma, or what my therapist calls a "passport." These four boring years of exploiting our society's legitimate (and very expensive) means of social uplift have been at a considerable cost to my ego and my erstwhile career as a teenage pop idol back in Baltimore.
March 25, 2004 at 12:00 am

Is it ethical for a man with a bionic eye to play baseball? This is the question I was asked approximately 45,000 times from Thursday to Saturday by CBS in a promo for some new show which, despite repeated admonishments to watch, I never caught the name of. While I doubt that by the year 2030 there will be some sort of bionic eye debate in baseball, such a debate would be interesting.
March 25, 2004 at 12:00 am

I'm back. I know, I know, you probably didn't realize I was gone. But seriously, I was. I was in Costa Rica, in fact, for a cousin's wedding.
March 18, 2004 at 12:00 am

I quit smoking at least 15 times a day. On good days, my abstinence lasts two hours; on bad days, two minutes.
March 18, 2004 at 12:00 am

George W. Bush and I are pen pals. We've been sending cards and drawings back and forth for almost seven months now.
March 18, 2004 at 12:00 am

I am a goy. It's true, so I might as well confess. As an Episcopalian hailing from the great state of North Carolina, my prior knowledge of Judaism came mostly from the Old Testament.
February 26, 2004 at 12:00 am

I've never been so frustrated in my life. And that is saying a lot -- I once threw salt in my best friend's eyes because I was confused about a riddle he was telling me.
February 26, 2004 at 12:00 am

The other day my friend Ariel and I hosted a negativity party. This sounds bad, but it was not. I am bored, so parties excite me. There are times in my life when I am just ready to get where I am going.
February 26, 2004 at 12:00 am

In high school all of my friends got into the whole AIM thing fairly early on. They would say to me, "When are you going to get AIM?" "AIM is awesome," or, "The other day I was talking to ____ on AIM and he/she said _____!
February 26, 2004 at 12:00 am

I am not the cool person you may have thought me to be. In fact, I used to be a dork. Even today, some of my coolness is a put-on.
February 19, 2004 at 12:00 am

Bye bye. Love you. Eat blue sheep poop." Sometimes it's different. Sometimes it's, "Bye bye. Love you.
February 19, 2004 at 12:00 am

1. Your cell phone goes off in class. You: a. Wait. This would never happen. You always turn it off before class. b.
February 19, 2004 at 12:00 am

Kalen Lister. Prettiest smile. Lucy Gallun. Well, it's just a side view-profile shot, but she looks really attractive.
February 19, 2004 at 12:00 am