Girl on phone: She wore leopard print to a wake? What the hell is wrong with her?
Sorority girl: Can’t a girl get some decent peanut butter in the Republic?!
Junior girl: I’ll Venmo you a blowjob.
Guy: I just don’t know what to do.
Fratstar: Go take a poopy!
MBA: People without iPhones are ruining my life.
4:29 pm: JetBlue pilot announces our descent into JFK. He advises us to buckle up tightly because, due to the approaching nor’easter, it might get a little bumpy.
4:31 pm: Flight anxiety, which is already at a level 7, increases to level 8.
Dear Couples,
I get it. And if I were in your position I would probably be behaving the same way, but I’m not, which is the whole point of this bitter diatribe.
Happy Anna Howard Shaw Day, you little suffragettes! Like most of you, Highbrow’s been ignoring the Hallmark holiday of Valentine’s Day and focusing on things that MATTER.