Lowbrow

I hereby proclaim myself King of the Colorless -- sovereign over all those with Casper-quality complexions -- for I am the whitest of all.
September 23, 2004 at 12:00 am

Dear Penn A Cappella Groups, Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Rebecca Stein, and my son Jacob is currently a freshman in the Wharton School of Business.
September 23, 2004 at 12:00 am

Whatever happened to actually accomplishing something before reaching celebrity status? Whatever happened to the milkman, the paperboy, evening TV?
September 16, 2004 at 12:00 am

Ah, that first taste of warm, flat Beast. Like the smells of a cookout on Memorial Day, that first turning leaf or the first snowfall, it's the herald of a new season.
September 16, 2004 at 12:00 am

Before you tear up this letter, please hear me out. If you give me a half chance to explain you'll see that this is just one big misunderstanding. Here's what happened.
April 22, 2004 at 12:00 am

I hate to say it but this is my last column. I'd like to offer some formal au revoirs to special elements of my undergrad experience.
April 22, 2004 at 12:00 am

I wanted to be Hulk Hogan. It's true. Every Saturday morning, I would get up at the crack of dawn, grab my box of Kix and plop my seven-year old posterior into the living room chair and watch nothing but cartoons.
April 22, 2004 at 12:00 am

People who work for Street have a reputation for being too cool for school. We're typecast, really, as people who will listen only to the indiest of indie rock and read every new Dave Eggers book. For the most part, that's not true, or at least not for me.
April 22, 2004 at 12:00 am

I'm just going to come right out and say it: I've had enough. I don't want any more. I've had enough Greek Lady and Hemo's, because every time I eat something there, I feel like I am going to boot it back up.
April 22, 2004 at 12:00 am

Nothing stays; everything will change. And I really miss my toilet. I wanted to dislike college. I spent so much energy trying to escape all of you in my own private hideaway.
April 22, 2004 at 12:00 am

-Alex
April 15, 2004 at 12:00 am

My parents have failed me. Sure, they spoiled me in all of the usual ways; school lunches from Le Bernadin, yachts, cocaine binges on Friday nights when we were bored, an endless stream of ponies boarded at Claremont until I graduated to thoroughbreds.
April 15, 2004 at 12:00 am

Penn has taught me a lot about being rejected. First, though, we need a story about rabies. So one morning last year my mom wakes up to get ready for work only to find that there is a bat flying around my house.
April 8, 2004 at 12:00 am

Lately, I've been reconnecting with the heroes of my past: mythical legends from a time long, long ago and a galaxy far, far away.
April 8, 2004 at 12:00 am

Did you know that April 1st is called April Fish Day in France? Actually, les French prefer to call it poisson d'Avril ... good thing we're in America where we don't speak French or, as George W.
April 8, 2004 at 12:00 am

To the Mexican from your Jew - After mucho petting and taco-flavored kisses, we're going to do the horizontal salsa and make babies named Latke, Gefilte Fish and Cheech & Chong. Hey I saw you two Saturdays ago at a Phi Delt party.
April 8, 2004 at 12:00 am

The other night I was drunkenly messaging people on Facebook, listening to some Pixies and wildly vomiting into my trash can, when it suddenly occurred to me that I don't get the term 'hipster.' Does anybody really know what this word means?
April 1, 2004 at 12:00 am

Media can be used as an instrument for change.The very week we print our incendiary critique of the arguably insufficient "Four or Fewer" campaign in the March 18th issue of Street, the Office of Health Education changes its message to "Take Your Time," as seen in its ubiquitous advertising printed in our parent paper, The Daily Pennsylvanian. Did the OHE sense the growing awareness of a newly informed student body?
April 1, 2004 at 12:00 am

All my friends are leaving me. Now, I don't just mean the ones who are graduating in a few weeks, though that's happening.
April 1, 2004 at 12:00 am

I have, in recent years, come to terms with my addictive personality. And I don't mean in the sense that people are addicted to my personality, though that happens too.
March 25, 2004 at 12:00 am