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Word on the Street

Word on the Street: What's my Age Again?

“Are you a freshman?” I slurred through a vodka cranberry haze as I flirted with the first hot guy I met during NSO this semester.

by ARIELA OSUNA

Word on the Street: Your 2014 New Year's Resolutions

Eat something for lunch other than a bagel from Mark’s/ No more sex in cabs/ Finally get with the boys on the Radian 14th floor/ Tell my thesis advisor what I really think of her/ Have sex in the bathroom of all four campus bars/ Stop farting in public/ Understand foreskin/ Stop hooking up with guys I can’t stand/ Stop pretending not to know people on Locust/ Be less bitchy to my mother/ Stop apologizing so much/ Use one weight machine at Pottruck without embarrassing and injuring myself (or others)/ Actually remember all the fun I have when I wake up the next morning/ Skinny dip in the Schuylkill/ Learn how to walk in heels/ Do something for someone else every day/ Know what is going on in the world beyond Penn/ Go to an Elmo naked party...naked this time/ Start working out during the mornings/ Stop walking from Starbucks to Van Pelt to Williams back to Starbucks looking for a place to study/ Stop walking around aimlessly in general/ Stop trying to run into that single person on Locust/ Cook more meals at home/ TEAR DOWN THE PATRIARCHY/Make THEOS irrelevant/ Ensure that the Wizard of Farts graduates so his power never sees Locust Walk again/ Stop only dating Jewish boys/ Stop hooking up with boys in the same lineage/ Stop reading CollegiateACB/ Get fucked in the ass more (or is that not highbrow enough?)/ Be fucking happy/ Have sex with a TA/ Learn that pizza isn’t a reliable friend/ Find someone to treat my tender boy pussy the right way/ Stop saying “You too” to the woman at Commons who tells me to have a good dinner/ Get gayer #nohetero/ Tell him my favorite part of the night is when he hugs me goodbye/ Get APES kicked off campus... oh wait/ Pee on Ben Franklin and not get arrested/ Take a full piss without hitting the rim or floor once/ NO MORE INSOMNIA COOKIES/ Wear my Greek letters more often/ Finally get with the boy I’ve liked since NSO freshman year/ Destroy more egos by not faking orgasms anymore/ Stop using people as social experiments/ Get head every time I give head/ Enjoy being able-bodied and young/ Read one book per week/ Eat more green things/ Don’t get ice cream after EVERY run/ Stop accidentally sending dick snapchats to my aunt/ Not pay for cheats on Candy Crush/ Cut down on my Tinder use/ Never set foot in Pike again/ Make out with a closeted frat guy at Smokes’/ Develop a consistent morning routine/ Have something that at least resembles a real relationship/ Smoke less pot and snort less cocaine/ Learn to not determine my self–worth in relation to other people/ Not accidentally make out with a 55-year-old again/ Give less fucks/ Floss.

by 34TH STREET

Word on the Street: Everybody Has a Story

The other day, I was reading in Van Pelt when a girl in my sorority walked by. I waved hello as she passed and she came back to chat.

by RANDI KRAMER

Word on the Street: Victoria's Secret

“That’s it?” My first and only boyfriend stared with dismay at my pale, exposed 32A boobs. That was the first time I let a boy take off my bra.

by ALEXANDRA STERNLICHT

Word on the Street: Things You Can't Black Out

“Mommy’s on the floor and she won’t get up.” Normally, I’d be mad at my sister for interrupting my homework, but on an otherwise regular Wednesday night of my junior year of high school, I knew that her tear–stained cheeks and panicked words overrode the importance of my A.P.

by 34TH STREET

Word on the Street: Taunted, Not Teased

At some point during my freshman year, I found myself alone with a guy I’d just met. He had dark hair and eyes, I think, and his name was a generic one I soon forgot.

by MARLEY COYNE

Word On The Street: Sisters (Should Be) Doin’ It For Themselves

This was written as a response to a previous Word on the Street, which can be found here.  Yes, America is changing its thoughts on marijuana.

by 34TH STREET

Word on the Street: In Defense of Potheads

Admittedly, I started on this train of thought while I was high. The eating–Doritos–in–bed–alone, binge–watching–"Family Guy"–on–Netflix type of high [ed note: is there another kind?]. The fact that a lot of my peer group (basically my entire peer group) smokes weed is not news.

by 34TH STREET

Word on the Street: Blame it on the Adderall

Coming to Penn, we were curious about three things: Sex, alcohol and drugs—mainly, Adderall.  The sex part was obvious.

by JACK SAVVY

Word on the Street: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Swipe Right

Tap photo: mutual friends, mutual interests—swipe right. Tap photo: no friends, no interests—swipe left.

by ALEX HOSENBALL

Word on the Street: iPhone–solation

This past summer, I was just one of a thousand eager Penn students interning in New York. Four trains—and an hour and a half of smelling body odor—later, I commuted to the Brooklyn–based office from my boring Jersey suburb to gain “experience” and seize “opportunity.” I learned the ropes of tri–state area public transportation, hustled through the corporate crowds of Wall Street and hopped across the East River to be among the hipsters of Park Slope.

by GINA DECAGNA

Overheard at Penn: 9.12.2013

Sad girl: I might have slept with two Penn Illusionists.

by 34TH STREET

Word on the Street: Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner



by JULIA LIEBERGALL

Word on the Street: Gone But Not Forgotten

In the late spring of my freshman year, while poring over my Math 114 notes in one of those tiny "study rooms" in the Quad, a senior from my Italian class came parading down the hall.

by EMILY BRILL

Word on the Street: An English Major Walks into a Bar…

Two summers ago, I found myself at a soccer game with a high school friend, her friend from college, who I’d never met, and his father.

by KILEY BENSE

Word on the Street: Please Don't Touch That Art

“OMG! What is that!?” is a question I hear too often in dimly lit bars and frat house living rooms.

by ROSA ESCANDON

Word on the Street: Who Run the Fling (Girls)

There are many fields that men continue to dominate, even after years of progress for feminism and equal pay for women.

by BEN LERNER

Word on the Street: Red Fish, Blue Fish, Me Fish, You Fish

At the end of every day, I frantically hop into bed. The next day, I’m likely to repeat this routine.

by MICHAEL SHOSTEK

Word on the Street: Tough Love

So there’s this guy.

by SAM HILL

Word on the Street: I Think I Know You From Somewhere

Welcome to Penn, where students overlap in webs more complicated than that gross hook–up diagram from "Jersey Shore." Forget six degrees of separation.

by ABIGAIL KOFFLER

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