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Word on the Street

The Long Walk Home

If, like me, you are silly and female, then you most likely walk home alone in the dead of the West Philadelphian night.

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Because Who Doesn’t Want a Corsage?

When I think of Homecoming, I don’t necessarily think of football games or seeing old friends. I don’t think about tailgating or special alumni receptions or anything related to Penn, really. I think of high school dances. You know what I’m talking about.

by PAUL RICHARDS

Fuck Opportunities

Remember R. Kelly’s soulful jam “I Believe I Can Fly”? It was really big circa 1996. 1996, now that was a good year.

by REBECCA GREENFIELD

Hell Yes, Man

I have several nicknames — none of them good — that I would like to share with you: Negative Nancy, Pessimistic Polly, Debbie Downer and Fatty McLovehandles.

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Pencils Down

Last Friday night, a mere 12 hours before I would sit for the impending doom that is also referred to as the LSATs, I called my mom for the requisite night-before-the-exam confidence booster.

by ARIEL COLANGELO

Not Your Fifth Grade Fundraiser

When I was in elementary school, one of my favorite parts of the year was pre-Christmas fundraiser season.

by PAUL RICHARDS

NSOverrated?

New Student Orientation: the best week of the academic year. Giant parties, free (albeit watered-down) booze and no nagging schoolwork to ruin all of your fun.

by REBECCA GREENFIELD

Everything I Wanted To Know About Internships I Learned In Sex Ed

When I was in middle school, folks from the local Christian college came into my English class to convince us not to have sex until we were married.

by PAUL RICHARDS

The New Sincerity

April is my favorite month of the year. Another bleak winter is washed away by daytime showers. All of us who hibernate through the winter come out, and you are able to witness campus waking up from a deep sleep.

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Fling's Most Wanted

I rarely got in trouble as a kid. Sure, I received the occasional detention for talking in class, but those ended shortly after I began copying lines from the blackboard.

by JULIE STEINBERG

Smack That

What’s wrong with kids today? It’s a question that has followed us from our jelly shoe-clad childhoods, to our MTV/TRL/TGIF loving adolescence, to our Not-Penn-State and definitely Not-Berkeley-circa-1960 University of Pennsylvania.

by CHARLOTTE BORGEN

If You Build It, Will They Come?

I went to Mecca last year. I skipped out on a couple of Friday classes, packed a backpack with a change of clothes, and hopped on a train to New York.

by WILL BASKIN-GERWITZ

Sharing is Caring

I recently asked a friend if she knew a guy I’d met. “I think so,” she said confusedly. “Oh wait, no.

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To Live and Let Lie

I discovered at the tender age of five that I was in possession of a very vivid imagination. I never hung upside down on a jungle gym, but rather from a tight rope in the middle of a floating circus in the sky.

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Spring Breaking Up

For students who develop a Big Three inferiority complex as soon as acceptance letters roll in, the desire to perpetuate a “Work hard, play harder” Social Ivy image seems contradictory.

by CHARLOTTE BORGEN

This February Funk

As I write this, there are several other things I could, or rather should, be doing. I should, for example, be writing my 10-page paper (D-Day minus 2), doing my 200 pages of reading (D-Day minus 1) or studying for my midterm (D-Day minus 4). What I should not be doing is watching reruns of Full House or taking multiple naps.

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College is for Kids

Freshman year was a simpler time. Your room was the size of a closet, heat was free and, most importantly, Mom and Dad couldn’t yell at you to pick up your shit.

by KRISTEN FRANKE

Why Feb Club's Fab

Oh Feb Club, you have returned once again to bring a mix of joy and social awkwardness to the lives of Penn seniors.

by ADAM DRICI

Our Screen-Printed President

What makes us choose Chipotle over Qdoba? iPods over Zunes? Christianity over Judaism? Marketing. You can try to convince yourself of the benefits of one product over another, but rest assured that a well-crafted marketing campaign had a lot to do with your ultimate decision.

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Cool Runnings

Weather.com informed me that last Friday afternoon would be “18 degrees, feels like 1.” So I bundled up in six layers and proceeded to class in College Hall, where I removed four of them in response to Facilities’ overzealousness with the classroom heaters.

by JULIE STEINBERG

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