You voted on Under the Button, and here are the results — the top 10 movie quotes we know were meant to impress us, but instead left us scratching our heads.
10. "There's no crying in baseball!" A League of Their Own (1992) Wrong. There's lots of crying in baseball. Guys who look like the Hulk cry when they win, when they lose, when they break limbs. We're willing to bet that Jimmy Dugan cried when he found out he could never play again. So... suck it.
9. "I said brrr, it's cold in here, there must be some Toros in the atmosphere." Bring It On (2000) Don't get us wrong, we think this movie is cheer-tastic. But why does the presence of Toros (or Clovers, for that matter) make it cold? News flash: causing the opposing team to shiver, and maybe put on a few more layers, is a lot less intimidating than you think it is.
8. “More fucked up than I am? You think you know me? I don’t even know me!” The Butterfly Effect (2004) This is the kind of fake profundity that really drives us nuts. It's completely inane, despite its best efforts to be deep and thought provoking. Epic fail.
7. "No, I don't think I will kiss you, although you need kissing, badly. That's what's wrong with you. You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how." Gone With the Wind (1939) Yeah, yeah, so Clark Gable makes us swoon. But you know what's not attractive? Telling a woman, in Hollywood-under-the-Hays-Code-speak, that she needs to get laid. Plus, we doubt that a really good kiss would solve Scarlett's problems. Girl's got issues.
6. "Oh, no! It wasn’t the airplanes. It was Beauty killed the Beast." King Kong (1933) Picture it: a giant gorilla is perched precariously on the top of the Empire State Building, clutching its antenna in one hand and Fay Wray in the other while the Air Force tries to shoot him down. When he falls to his death, it was the 90 lb. woman's fault, right? Yeah. We’re pretty sure it was the airplanes.
5. "Honest to blog!" Juno (2007) Some of the witticisms in Diablo Cody's script are just plain perplexing. We love blogs as much as the next guy, in fact probably more so, but we still don't get why anyone would swear to them. Here's an idea: replace the bibles in courtrooms with blogs. No one will ever commit perjury again.
4."Did your parents have any children that lived?" Full Metal Jacket (1987) Stanley Kubrick's film is full of brilliant insults, but this isn't one of them. Why would anyone ask this painfully stupid question? Here's the answer, drill sergeant: yes, they did. Because you're talking to me. Uh-duh.
3. "Forget it Jake, it’s Chinatown." Chinatown (1974) This is one of the most famous lines in film history, but as far as we can tell, it means absolutely nothing. Presumably it's meant to be a reflection on the chaos of the modern world, but what that has to do with Chinatown (or why this movie is even called Chinatown) is beyond us.
2. "Love means never having to say you’re sorry." Love Story (1970) Actually, geniuses, love means often having to say you're sorry. The audience is supposed to take a tortured gasp when Ryan O'Neal emotes this line, but we just find its faux-poignance irritating. How it could have ranked #13 on AFI's list of the top 100 movie quotes is one of life's great mysteries.
1. The entire screenplay of The Matrix (1999) We admit, we thought this movie was really deep the first time we saw it. But honestly, "there is no spoon?" What does that mean? We defy anyone to explain any of the utterly befuddling lines spoken by these leather-clad karate experts named for mythological figures. We're serious. Please explain them.
