Dear wannabes,
You know, I was one of you not long ago. Dropping resumes left and right, dropping acid at fling and dropping science classes to keep my GPA artificially high. I may seem like a high–up recruiter, but I still know Penn like the front of the computer monitor I stare at for 14 hours a day. So I see right through your firm handshake and smile. I know you just want a job. You don’t have to pretend to be my friend, or even like me. Don’t you remember how you pretended not to know me at all those parties last year? Because you can bet I remember when I TA’d your MGMT100 class, and I sure as hell remember how your group hated you.
But please, for the love of Jamie Dimon, cool it on the ass–kissing. My life may seem like one big Martin Scorsese black(out) comedy, but it’s not all models and quaaludes. In reality, it’s a lot of late night Seamless orders and paying for the associates' bar tabs. This recruiting trip is my vacation. So no, I don’t want to grab coffee to “catch up” and “tell you about my experience.” And no, I don’t want to connect with you on LinkedIn. I’m already at 500+.
Ask not what I can do for you, but what you can do for me. Just keep in mind that karma can be one pantsuit–wearing bitch. As J.T. once said, “what goes around, goes around, goes around, comes all the way back around.”
Peace, Love and I–Banking,
John M. Stokeson
Junior Analyst, Goldman Stanley Merrill Suisse New York, NY john.m.stokeson@goldmanstanleymerrillsuisse.biz 666-666-6666
