In case you missed the sidewalk chalk spam, elections for freshman Class Board and Undergraduate Assembly are officially underway. But we can't work hard unless we play hard first (gotta have priorities in order - seriously, this isn't Caltech), and what better way to kick off the electoral process than the Midnight Breakfast? The notice slipped under my door looked like a frat party flier: get the voting started by "meeting candidates, eating free breakfast food and seeing great performances!" Curious, I headed to Houston Hall to check it out.
Imagine entering a circus where people literally want to party like it's 1999, from the soundtrack to the wardrobe. "Livin' La Vida Loca" was blasting and the best and brightest - our candidates, of course - were all decked out in their finest sparkly spandex and sandwich boards. I ducked, dived and dodged through the mob and zoomed in on the food rush. No sooner had I filled a bowl with cereal, scavenged for a spoon and scored an open table when I was bombarded. A brunette billboard charged to my seat and swore to "make Penn more environmentally friendly." Perched next to the waffle station a guy pledged, "I will dance on demand. Ask me right now. I'll dance." Apparently, nothing says "vote for me" like swapping your dignity for a catch phrase and pseudo-sexual innuendos ("Go with the Urge!" by Danny Urgelles and "Ladies, do you have enough Dong in your life?" from Dong Chen).
That's not to say that there weren't a handful of legit ideas. One potential UA representative, Alec Webley, is running an entirely carbon-neutral campaign, even spending precious dollars of his allotted $50 budget to pay for off-sets of his recycled handouts. But good luck finding seriousness in the madness of free food and over the blasting of the Bloodhound Gang. Yes, that's the "you and me baby ain't nothin but mammals" band.
Maybe these overdressed underclassmen really are innovative, motivated individuals whose passion for improving life at Penn is matched only by their vision for accomplishing their goals. But at Midnight Breakfast, the hype swallowed the whole. It was sort of like the Sundance Film Festival, where Paris Hilton scoring free North Face swag makes headlines while the indie filmmakers are virtually forgotten.
If one is inspired to learn the platforms of our prospective presidents, that information can be found - where else? - on Facebook. And you better do your recon because, Dorothy, we're not in high school anymore. People don't just vote for their friends. They vote for those Wharton kids who tear down other candidates' ads to snag prime poster real estate. I don't know about you, but I want someone who will do whatever it takes. And sometimes, apparently, it takes glitter and spandex. Lots of spandex.
