"When I was a senior in high school I thought that I’d rather die than go to college a virgin,” reminisced one female senior. “You think everyone’s doing it, or has at least done it by graduation.

“Then I got to school, and of my six close friends at the time, half of them were virgins. It would have been great to know this beforehand. Like, I didn’t have to rush my ‘first time,’” she admits and blushes just a bit.

Now able to look back and let out a chuckle, she reflects a popular sentiment among young people, heavily exacerbated by popular movies — see our film section this week — and media reports of hypersexual teens losing their virginity at the not–so–ripe age of 12 and 13. Not only is it about actually having sex, and merely losing one’s virginity, she explains, but many feel that they need to have sexual experience or will otherwise be behind the curve, the sexual curve.

Here at Penn, we all subscribe to the paradigm of a pervasive hookup culture, driven by alcohol, loud music and frat parties. Not to say that this doesn’t go on — it does — but it’s not everyone. It might be the case that our perception of the sexual curve is a less accurate representation of reality than the BIOL–121 curve. Though in both, someone always gets fucked.

So, bring yourself back to freshman year — or, if you’re a freshman, revel in the fact that you’re only beginning — and think of your hall. Maybe you had two really nerdy kids that lived next door who were always playing “video games,” and you wondered how much they were tugging on the joystick. Or maybe you had a screamer, that girl who wanted the entire Quad to know that she was engaged in the best. intercourse. ever. Until the next time, when you heard it all over again. And every freshman hears of the unfortunate soul constantly “sexiled,” wandering aimlessly and looking for amusement until his/her roommate finishes a routine romp.

This week we put your rumors to rest, and start a whole bunch of new ones.

We sent out a comprehensive survey to a random sample of 1,500 anonymous undergraduates and received over 500 responses. Some of the results are expected (over 50 percent of freshmen are still virgins), and some are shocking (there are at least 28 Penn student sex tapes out there). We’ve broken the results down by school, class, gender, sexual orientation and more, leading us to some conclusions that range from mild to wild — we’re looking at you, masturbation–obsessed engineers and freaky junior class. So flip the page to uncover exactly how stimulating this raw data is.

Although some of these results busted down established stereotypes, we must admit that some statistics were entirely predictable. It’s clear that engineering students are using their computers for a little more than their computer science homework, as they report the highest masturbation frequency of any school (60% masturbate more than 3–5 times per week). It should also be no surprise that Whartonites’ healthy confidence extends to the bedroom. They report the longest stamina, with over 50% claiming to last 16 minutes or more. Finally, there’s a clear gender divide related to favorite sexual position. Nearly half of all ladies like it missionary (45.7%), while over a third of dudes (34.3%) prefer doggy style.

True Stories From Students Like You: I took someone’s virginity on a Hill washing machine on my 18th birthday. The song “Birthday Sex” may or may not have been involved and the washing machine was absolutely on. —Female, Junior, Greek, Engineering

True Stories From Students Like You: We basically built a fort in one of the common rooms on our floor in the Quad with the chairs, couches, a sheet and some pillows. We had sex all night and slept well. It only became awkward when some kids came in to study the next morning and we were lying there naked… —Female, Senior, Greek

True Stories From Students Like You: I've used Craigslist and I usually just send emails back and forth. Naked pictures, dirty words, etc. I have a fake email account because if it’s someone that I know, I wouldn’t want them to tell all their friends. One time, I was really drunk and horny and put a hook up together in a matter of hours. We sent a few pics, then exchanged numbers, and three texts later, I was swiping into a highrise and we were wildly making out.—Male, Junior, Unaffiliated, College

True Stories From Students Like You: “Let’s play Truth or Dare. I dare you to kiss each other.” We laughed in his face. So that’s how a threesome starts. It felt so inorganic. He took our clothes off, but we still held back. As excited as we were by the idea of hooking up with this bronzed, Mediterranean god, we were too mortified to hook up with each other. So what did we do? We shared him, rotating in and out of the room, taking turns with him and playing into his every fantasy. —Female, Senior, Greek, Wharton

So much for the rampant hook–up culture on college campuses that pundits and sociology professors are always yammering about. Looks like Penn students are actually quite conservative when it comes to bedroom habits, reporting fewer sexual partners than one might assume.

Where would we be without our smart-phones? Over one-third of Penn students have used technology to capture and captivate their sex lives in some way. We hope you’re all being careful with those sex tapes…


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