M&T Girl: Do you think I can read my cheat sheet if it’s size 5.5 font?


Aggressive freshman: Let’s MERT the shit out of him.


McDonalds' Employee: I can't do what?

McDonalds' Manager: When she asked you to make a milkshake, you said "go fuck yourself."


Pre–frosh: I’ve never really played pong before.

Current Frosh: It’s a pretty good game, dude.


Sorostitute: My sister–in–law ACTUALLY believes she started the bookbag trend! As if!


APES Bro: Only peasants have iPhone 4s.




All comments eligible for publication in Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. publications.