Humor
The R. Kelly Writers House
For those of you who never open your emails from President Gutmann, you missed some HUGE news this past week.
Everyday Etiquette
With so many tricky social situations, it can be tough to maintain proper decorum. Here are two experts from opposite ends of the earth (one goes to Drexel and one goes to Penn) to give you their advice on everything from dating to dinner parties.
Facist Foodies
In an effort to demystify some of history’s most notous dictators, we’ve decided to reveal the most relatable quality of one formidable fascist every week: his love of everyone’s favorite junk foods!
Letters to Lowbrow
Dear Lowbrow, Freshman year at Penn has been much more fun than my native Singapore! I love particularly my apartment in Stouffer College House.
Shoutouts Spring 2010
It's that time of the semester again. The time when we take your meanest, crudest, cringe-worthiest thoughts and put them in print for the whole world to read.
Listen Dudes, Let's Make This The Best 4/20 Ever
by Your Stoned Roommate Yesterday when you asked me what time it was, it just so happened to be 4:20.
Take It From A Real Foodie, The Best Flavor Is Always Red
During the cab ride back from the new Roger Theroneux restaurant, Zwopflop (don’t miss the pan seared celery stalks with wheat grass reduction; skip the truffled California duck heart), my friends and I returned to a well-worn subject of debate — what flavors currently excite our refined, sophisticated palates? Geraldine turned from her place in the passenger seat to describe to us in vivid detail the savory, meaty taste known as umami.
Worst Of Penn 2010
Worst Food Truck That beat up white AstroVan, you know? With the shirtless guy who slows down and rolls down his window just enough to hand you a whole wheat pita full of Smarties.
My Life As A Married Undergrad
by Mrs Victoria Erwing The conversation usually starts when someone sees the ring. “Are you really both a full-time student and a full-time wife?” they ask.
Caption Contest: Friends Edition
Week in and week out, you readers send us the most gut-busting captions. But this week you should just bust out your favorite magnifying glass so you can send us a caption for this exclusive Friends-tastic photo!
The One Where You Stop Running Your Mouth While I'm Watching Syndicated Episodes Of Friends
By The Roommate Who Will Not Always Be There For You Every Tuesday, when you have your friends over to watch Lost, I do as I’m told and sit quietly in my room.
Rev-You
Christina Corletta Freshman, CAS 2.5 Stars Since her release in August of 1991, Christina Corletta has demonstrated curiosity, a love of horses and, as her mom pointed out many times between 2005 and 2008, a crippling “boy-craziness.” There were always a handful of Christina superfans, including Pop-Pop Corletta and Aunt Helen, but mainstream audiences missed many of the successes of her early years.
A Post Spring Break Message
Dear ladies, I hope you had a lovely Spring Break. R&B go-getter Bobby V. approves of this yearly pilgrimage to the sexiest, sweatiest party locales south of the border.
Wait, Hahahaha, Make That Face Again
Oh my god, that was so crazy. No, seriously, when you do that with your nose you look exactly like a ferret.
Caption Contest
Every week we showcase a photo that didn’t quite make it into the magazine and give YOU the chance to impress your most easily impressed friends.
REPORT: Freshman Cares About Intramural Basketball
In a surprise to all at Pottruck last night, Engineering freshman Tom Lunario expressed emotion on the basketball court in a manner unseen on campus since the December firing of Men’s Basketball coach Glen Miller. Lunario, who became captain of the co-ed Stouffer team after collecting nine signatures from interested hallmates before winter break, made sure his team wore the red pinnies against Hill Team B. Recalls Lunario: “I yelled at the ref as soon as I got there for the red ones.
Ask An Alum
Jean Nichols (C’05) Tour Guide At The Ronald Reagan Library As someone who graduated recently, what advice can you give to someone looking for a job in the midst of today’s turbulent economy?
My Roommate Is A Dog
When I returned from my semester abroad to see that Housing Services had placed me with a dog as my roommate, you could imagine how excited I was to go on a series of wacky adventures with my new canine friend.
REPORT: Critical Soft-Serve Shortage Shocks Late-Night McDonald’s Patrons
As in the hours before many such tragedies, everything about Wednesday night seemed utterly ordinary.
