Lowbrow
Helpful Hostess
When you host a pre-gaming function, your guests will expect the chance to play one to three games of Beer Pong, depending upon team performance and number of party attendees.
Pledging Allegiance Hard
I started off rushing for the free food and alcohol, but after a night of brotherly bonding at Atlantis Gentleman’s Club, I realized that fraternity life has a lot to offer.
Ask An Alum
My roommate has been using the same towel all year and has never washed it. She says it’s okay because if she only uses it to dry her body once it’s clean, but still, right? —Mopey About Mold If your story were a movie I was adapting, the main conflict would be between you and your roommate.
I Must Not Die
Lately, the Penn Video Network has been playing the 2006 teen comedy, John Tucker Must Die. For obvious reasons, I’m not thrilled about it.
Ask Ashley!!!
Hey guys! All That's Ashley here (that's me!) to answer this week’s tweens pressing issues.
Shoutouts Fall 2009
To the girl who kept insisting “she never does this” as she went down on me: You didn't have to keep stopping and telling me.
Lowbrow's Londerful Levaluation
People value our opinion here at The Street, (we added a 'the' for legitimacy/increased street cred… get it?
Blank is the New Blank: 10.29.09
Samhain is the new Farrah Fawcet Overshadowed by its creepy counterpart, but just as deserving of an E!
Locust Lexicon: Samhain
Samhain sa?mh'in [Ed. note: Yes, that's right. It's pronounced Sah-ween.] n. A modern festival in various currents of Neopaganism that is based on, or inspired by, Gaelic traditions.
Drink of the Week: Samhain Cocktail
Traditionally consumed as a means of divination, the Samhain cocktail is a melting pot of the holiday’s centuries-old rituals.
Happy Samhain
Guide To: A Joyous Samhain Bonfire The last year has been rough: Mischa Barton never made her comeback (we’ll love you always and forever Coop), handjobs are slutty again and your fixie’s spokes are all busted.
Vampiropoly: Carmilla Goes to Penn
In a forgotten time, in a land far away, Carmilla — the fair maiden of this tale — lived in a schloss.
The Intern: Part 3
A Summer of Experience A Semi-autobiographical Account of My Life By Rachel Stern-Stein After months spent cruising through the coiling canals of corporate America — spreadsheets, progress reports, photocopies, filing cabinets and arch nemeses named Chastity — Rachel had seemingly successfully reached her ultimate destination: the oh-so-crucial final PowerPoint presentation and Intern Evals.
The Intern: Part Two
Although busy with her demanding 60-hour workweek, Rachel S-S manages to find time to bring you all the drama. Tuesday morning 11:00 AM: Sitting in her cubicle like an essentially worthless worker bee confined to its honey-comb, forced to perform its widget-like duties all for the benefit of the Queen, Rachel monotonously enters data into her Excel spreadsheet.
The Intern: A Summer Experience
Rachel Stern-Stein is the typical Penn student, living the life and spending the summer interning at a top-notch investment bank.
Shoutouts: Spring 2009
To the avant-garde transfer: So, you’re bipolar. Too bad both of your personalities suck. To my roommate who never showers: I spray you with Febreze while you’re asleep. To all of you who start your sentences with, “I’m not gonna lie”: You guys should get together with those kids who start their questions with “I have a question…” Then you could go around stating obvious truths until you were comfortable with your intellectual abilities. To the drunk baseball player: Asking me if I know “Candace” and then saying “Candace dick fit in your mouth?” was not the best way to get me into bed. To Penn Fashion Week: Man leggings?
It’s a Penndemic!
The average unaffiliated freshperson, basically insecure due to some long frustration, will react with psychosomatic symptoms to this most treacherous of afflictions: PENNital Herpes.
Go Go Power Rangers!
After a good run as Angel Grove’s top martial arts fighting squad, they hung up their Zords in favor of “normal” teenage lives.
The Worst of Penn 2009
Acronym for a (CHILDREN'S) Hospital: CHOP Exploitation of the Penn Name: Pennacle What are you?
