House Music
Siam Lotus
931 Spring Garden Street
Thu, 10 p.m.-2 a.m., $15-$20
(215) 769-2031
www.siamlotuscuisine.com
Siam Lotus, nestled on drab Spring Garden Street, is a fine Thai restaurant with cheery, modern decor. Catering to its youthful clientele, Siam Lotus will be hosting a live DJ, spinning progressive House music. But if you think the beats are hot, wait till you try the Kang Leung. It'll put hair on your chest ... and your back ... between your eyebrows ... on your ass cheeks. Damn you, Kang Leung! Does anyone have a pair of tweezers?
Simple Thursdays featuring DJ KC
Red Sky Lounge
224 Market Street
Thursdays, Restaurant 5 p.m.-10 p.m. (Lounge open until 2 a.m.), no cover
(215) 925-8080
www.redskylounge.com
DJ KC spins hip-hop, rock, soul and funk, not (as you might think) the Colonel's Original Recipe Fried Chicken -- that business is left for DJ KFC. Nevertheless, Simple Thursday attendees enjoy a no-cover party, with Red Sky's trademark mixed drinks (like the chocolate-peanut butter martini) and $3 Coronas. The Colonel won't be in attendance, unfortunately, but Red Sky Lounge promises not to disappoint. Plus, the decor is a step or two above those damned booths at KFC.
Evening Lecture on Greek Fire: Biological and Chemical Warfare in the AncientWorld
Harrison Auditorium, Penn Museum
3260 South Street
Thu, 6 p.m., $20
(215) 898-4890
While investigators are still looking for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, archeologists have discovered that our benevolent ancient Greek friends, like Caesar and Aristotle, were massively destroying other empires through biological weapons. Apparently, they would catapult venomous snakes, spread disease and contaminate food and water. Those guys definitely had a few more tricks up their sleeves than philosophy and temples.
Latino Heritage Month: Sergio Troncoso -- "The Nature of the Latino-JewisH AllianCE"
Hillel Steinhardt Hall
215 S. 39th St.
Thu, 6 p.m.-8 p.m., free
(215) 898-7391
dolphin.upenn.edu/~hillel
This might sound somewhat esoteric and inapplicable to the Penn community, but I, myself, can say that I am in fact a blonde, Cuban Jew. Indeed, it is quite a rare breed, and it's about time that people know we do exist. Last year, I didn't make the first cut of SDT rush, and people give me the evil eye when I go to Hillel. If only I could finally fit in ... Viva la Maneschewitz y los plantains!
A Reading by Marjorie Welish and Peter Gizzi
Kelly Writers House
3805 Locust Walk
Thu, 6 p.m., free
(215) 573-WRIT
www.writing.upenn.edu/~wh
We all understand that College students know how to read prettier things than Wharton kids, so the rest of this blurb doesn't apply to them. Anyway, I should also say that this event doesn't even require the effort of reading -- these poets are willing to do it for you. Marjorie Welish and Peter Gizzi are breaking it down this weekend by reading this shizz like its nobody's business at the Kelly Writers House. Yea, I know no one goes there, but imagine Eminem's hot freestyling in 8 Mile intellectualified. Oh yeah. Sounds like a party to me.
Tongue Smell Color
Painted Bride Art Center
230 Vine Street
Thu, 7 p.m., Fri and Sat, 8 p.m., $15-$20
(215) 925-9914
www.paintedbride.org
Tongue Smell Color is an innovative project, mixing two unique disciplines: dance and scholarship. The masterminds behind the project, Hellmut and Brenda Dixon Gottschild, use their own backgrounds, along with the history of post World War II Germany, where Hellmut was brought up, to address complicated issues of gender and race. It's not clear whether or not the production addresses the issue of child naming, but, surely, Hellmut is a name that no person should have to answer to. Poor Hellmut.
ComedySportz Midnight Cabaret Series
Playground at the Adrienne
2030 Sansom Street
First, second and third Saturdays of every month, 12 a.m., $5
(877) 77-LAUGH
Midnight madness! Enjoy comedy troupes -- yes, that means groups of comics; it means twice, three times, four times the laughs -- as they tickle you with their improv and sketch comedy. The "Playground" is the theater on the first floor at the Adrienne, and this (almost) weekly event promises to bring the theater alight. "So what's the deal with sandwiches anyway? They're neither sand nor witches. It doesn't make sense. What's the deal, people?"
Jimmy Carter
Free Library
1901 Vine Street
Wed, 7 p.m., free but tickets required
(215) 686-5322
www.library.phila.gov
Jimmy! Jimster! Jimbo! You were lousy in the white house, but you won my heart in other ways: your 2002 Nobel Prize was a good start. And now -- oh Jimmy, how I adore you! -- you've become a fiction writer, a novelist. Truly, you are a man after my own heart. I can't wait to sink my teeth into -- among other things -- your new historical novel about the American South. I always knew you were too good for politics. Indeed, you are too good for a lot of things. But I digress. Keep writing, Jimbo!
Healing Walls
3049 Germantown Ave.
Fri, 4 p.m., free
(215) 685-0750
www.muralarts.org
Philadelphia's murals take pride in being among the best in the country. However, this wall in particular has more to it than just being aesthetically pleasing. Artists Cesar Viveros and Parris Stancell employed the prisoners at SCI Graterford to help paint this masterpiece. This dedication will prove to be intensely moving and a fun-filled event. If you don't feel like hanging out with the inmates, you should seriously just walk around the city and check out its great artwork. It will definitely be worthwhile.
Long Live the Arts
South Street Renaissance Gallery
427 South Street
Sat, 8 p.m. - 2 a.m., $5
(215) 925-2317
Venture out into the kingdom of hippies for cultural enlightenment this weekend. This gallery is hosting an event that will feature local painters, jewelry makers, musicians and poets celebrating the arts. Even if this turns out to not be all that great, you can take a stroll down South Street and admire the folk that hang out down there. Perhaps you will run into a doped out whoopknacker clad in metallic bellbottoms and sporting an afro puff with a radius of three feet. Or maybe, you can hang out with a drugged out Willy Nelson-type of character. The possiblities are endless!
David Boyer reading of Kings and Queens: Queers at the Prom
Giovanni's Room
345 S. 12th St.
Fri, 7:30 p.m.
(215) 923-2960
www.giovannisroom.com
Think back to your high school prom. Ah, memories. Okay, now did you wear a tasteful arrangement of white roses and violets for your corsage that perfectly matched your prom attire and brought out your baby blue eyes? If the answer is yes, then I'm sorry princess, but you took a gay guy to the prom. Incidentally, if you are male and also answered yes to the previous question, there's a pretty good chance that you were the queer at the prom. Both categories can benefit from David Boyer's reading of his new book, a history of gay men who survived this high school rite of passage and decided to tell their story.
The Memory of Water
Allens Lane Theater
Allens Lane and McCallum Street
Fri-Sat 8 p.m., Sun 6 p.m., $15
(215) 248-0546
www.allenslane.org
As three sisters unite after the death of their mother, this play explores their separate stories as they sift through their mother's possessions. Family secrets are exposed while the women revisit the hardships of their lives. At the end of the play, the viewer will get to see how the memories shape the rest of these women's lives.
Philadelphia Home & Design Show
Pennsylvania Convention Center
1101 Arch Street
Sat, 10 a.m.-7 p.m., Sun, 10 a.m.-5 p.m., $12
(800) 546-0265
www.philahomedesignshow.com
For frustrated seniors who are still virgins (see last week's feature to make you feel better): the key to getting laid is to make the atmosphere of your love shack just right. The first step is to take advantage of the Philadelphia Home & Design show and shop for new furniture and decor of varying styles. According to an unofficial survey, the average college kid is most turned on by the Baroque style. So go to this Home & Design show, purchase a Baroque coffee table and get a harpsichord while you're at it. It is guaranteed that you'll be making love to Bach's Invention No.4 that very night.
The Faint with TV on the Radio & Beep Beep
Starlight Ballroom
460 N. 9th St.
Thu, 7:30 p.m, $14
(215) 769-1530
During this cold season, I think back to the awesome days of summer. There was Danny, that rebel with the black leather jacket who I fell in love with. We danced and sang with each other at the beach. Then there was that kick ass dance party a friend of mine held in his garage. He stole a fog machine and blasted The Faint -- perfect ingredients for the perfect goth dance-punk party. Now I can relive this beautiful summer memory at this concert. The only thing left is to wait for that fucker Danny to call me -- you just don't do shit like that after taking my virginty.
Thursday Jazz Night
L2
2201 South Street
Thursdays, 5:30 p.m.-10 p.m., bar open until 2 a.m., dinner prices vary
(215) 732-7878
L2 hosts live jazz on Thursday nights. Performers vary from week to week, but it is usually a duo format. To go along with the vibe, L2 serves up standard cuisine -- emphasizing seafood and pastas -- in hearty portions. Imagine fish and jazz together at last. You eat the fish, hear the sax. Or you hear the fish, eat the sax. Or you hear the fish playing the sax, and you remain hungry. I am not a substance abuser, folks. These are my real, sober thoughts. Sad.
The Helio Sequence
The First Unitarian Church
2125 Chestnut Street
Thu, 7:30 p.m., $8
(800) 594-TIXX
www.r5productions.com
The Helio Sequence is the project of guitarist/vocalist Brandon Summers and Benjamin Weikel, both of Portland, Oregon. Oft compared to My Bloody Valentine, these post-punk tripsters are simply enamored with electronics: keyboards, heavily processed guitars and a myriad of other technology-based sounds. But the unifying principle of The Helio Sequence is melody; they have it where My Bloody Valentine sometimes falls short. At The First Unitarian Church, their sound will surely resound in the heavens. Let me hear an Amen!
Galactic and Ozomatli with Brazilian Girls
Electric Factory
421 N. 7th St.
Fri, 8:30 p.m., $20
www.electricfactory.com
Galactic emerged in the '90s as a forerunner of the New Orleans funk revival. The group's drummer, Stanton Moore, heralded a broader interest in the unique grooves of New Orleans, bringing the Mouth of the Mississippi to the jam band scene at large. Ozomatli too is interested in the fusion of ethnic musics, bringing Latin grooves together with jazz and hip-hop. This show is truly a jambalaya -- don't forget your Pepcid AC.
Latif Bolat Turkish Music Ensemble
International House
3701 Chestnut Street
Fri, 8 p.m., $10 for students
(215) 387-5125
www.ihousephilly.org
Start lining up around the block because the turnout to see Latif Bolat could rival the recent John Kerry rally. What 18-22 year old doesn't appreciate the melodious sound of baglama folk makmas (long-necked flute scales)? In all honesty, Mr. Bolat is a well respected and admired world musician. So step outside the box, hop over to 37th and Chestnut, and immerse yourself in that "different culture" you so vociferously talked about in your application essay.
Opera Company of Philadelphia: Don Pasquale
Academy of Music
240 S. Broad Street
Fri, 8 p.m., $5-$110
(215) 893-3600
www.academyofmusic.org
The Opera Company of Philadelphia presents this legendary opera, which treats the themes of marriage and deception, reality and illusion. Like the Clinton Administration, there are fake marriages, love affairs, deceptions. And like Slick Willy, this homely stud woos his women with music -- Willy with his sax, this protagonist with his voice. Let this production take you back, even before there was morality in the White House.
The Figgs
with Beretta 76, Kurt Vile's Ensemble, Rockets and Cars
The Khyber
56 S. 2nd St.
Fri, 9 p.m., $8, 21+
(215) 238-5888
www.thekhyber.com
The Figgs have happily played under the radar for 17 years. A band that's seen better days, they've given up on stardom and charted an Yber-indie course. Having leapt from label to label in the past, their upcoming album will be self-produced. Famed (as they are) for pub fare, they serve up easygoing chords that are pleasing, if lackluster. Drink up.
Julia Othmer
with Nora Whittaker
Tin Angel at Serrano
20 S. 2nd St.
Sat, 7 p.m., $8
(215) 928-0770
www.tinangel.com
Bright-eyed Othmer once opened at Tin Angel; she returns now as the main event. She sings golden-voiced while her fingers wander the ivories, with banjos and soft drums for support. Critics have compared her to Tori Amos, although Othmer has humbly declined their praise. For the worldly and wise performer who plays nationwide, Tin Angel is the perfect spot to alight: enjoy the ethnic cuisines of Asia, the Mediterranean and Europe at a sensible price at Serrano before heading upstairs for the serenade.
The Libertines
with Radio 4
Theater of Living Arts
334 South Street
Sun, 8 p.m., $12.50
(215) 922-1011
www.theateroflivingarts.net
Rock 'n' roll, sex and drugs -- synonymous with the Libertines. Their guitarist is a heroin junkie, their singer is a sex-crazed fanatic, their drummer's dead and the bass player is, well, just there. See them beat the notorious sophomore slump as they turn it up to 11, promoting their self-titled second album on a tour fit for a king, or a Yankee. After Sunday's show, you'll be singing, "Ben Franklin Bridge is falling down, falling down..." If loving the Libertines because they're cliche is wrong, then I don't want to be right. Give me Libertines or give me death!
Open Blues Jam
Warmdaddy's
4-6 S. Market St.
Tuesdays, 5 p.m., free
(215)627-8400
www.warmdaddys.com
Georgie Bonds and Randy Lippincott run this jam, open to all of Philadelphia's burgeoning blues musicians. Amateurs and pros alike take the stage in a beautiful musical discourse, where young stars develop, and in some cases, break into the musical community at large. Appetizers are half price at the bar, and from 5 p.m. to 7 p.m., patrons save a dollar off their drinks. Get a taste of the Mississippi Delta -- rock out at Warmdaddy's.
Fright Factory Haunted House
Fright Factory
2200 S. Swanson St.
Sun-Thurs, 7:30 p.m.-11 p.m., Fri- Sat, 7:30 p.m.-midnight, thru Oct. 31, $20.
(215) 33-GHOST
www.frightfactory.tv/index.htm
In junior high, I remember, the Haunted House was the place to get frisky in October. The gals would pretend to be scared white, and I'd be like, "It's alright, baby. Let me hold you." Then I'd make my move, the kiss. Invariably, the girl would always run screaming from the building -- it must've been the guy dressed as Jack the Ripper. The Fright Factory is one of Philly's scariest Houses, with realistic makeup and scenery. So go get some! I know I'll be there.
Harvest Festival
Reading Terminal Market
12th and Arch streets
Sat, 10 a.m. - 4 p.m., free
(215) 922-2317
www.readingterminalmarket.org
The Harvest Festival will showcase foods of the Pennsylvania harvest. There will be, among other things, a very, very large pumpkin patch, pumpkin painting, bluegrass music and -- yep, you guessed it -- cooking demonstrations. There will be hayrides around the market and the usual delicacies will be on hand. So mosey, shuffle or saunter down to the Reading Terminal Market, farmer. Find some apples, some pumpkins; makes some pies. It's harvest time, baby!
Birding Trip to Cape May
Schulkill Center for Environmental Education
8480 Hagy's Mill Road
Sat, 7 a.m.-5 p.m., $25-$35 reservations required
(215) 482-7300 ext. 110
www.schuylkillcenter.org
First off, who doesn't adore birds? I mean, could anything honestly make you happier than strolling down Locust Walk on a warm spring day wallowing the midst of the canaries and blue jays breaking it down? Yea, I didn't think so. That just gives you all the more reason to jet out of the Illadelph for a day and take a bus to jam it up with the birds. Imagine prancing in the forest with the little old lady you call your tour guide and admiring the wilderness around. Quite swell, indeed. If you can whistle, it would make it all the more fun.
In the Master's Ghastly Grip
Edgar Allan Poe National Historic Site
7th and Spring Garden streets
Saturdays and Sundays, through Oct. 30, 3 p.m., free, reservations required
(215) 597-8780
You are walking through this house. It is historic. As you creep down the old, creaky staircase into the cellar, you feel your heart beating. Beat. Beat. Beat. Man, that kind of hurts. Anyways, so, there's this raven quoting stuff. He's just breaking it down. Iambic pentameter style. You know the shiz. Beat. Beat. Beat. This walking tour can be yours if you just hike over to Spring Garden. It doesn't cost a dime, friends and ravens. Beat. Beat. Beat. Nice bird.
