Street: If someone were giving a tour, and you were a stop on the tour, what would they say? Monica Schechter: Probably something like, “And here you can see the typical overcommitted Penn student in her natural habitat: standing on Locust flyering for some event.”

 

Street: How would you host the perfect party? MS: The perfect party starts with the perfect party playlist. My roommate made a playlist for my 21st called “Ass Wigglers.”

 

Street: Fuck, marry or kill: Benjamin Franklin. MS: Marry. I think that he’s very, very smart, and I would love to spend the rest of my life with someone that smart. Although apparently he abandoned his wife.

 

Street: What’s your guilty pleasure? MS: Puns. I love puns. As somebody who’s into comedy, I should like higher forms of comedy, but I just really can’t get enough.

 

Street: What’s your best one? MS: Okay, so my roommate and I came up with a whole list of cat names that are puns of dictators. We got Catamir Putin, Kitty Jong–Il, Pussilini. Chairman Meow is the classic; it started us off. But we’re just going to turn into cat ladies. We’re going to keep getting cats so we can give them pun names.

 

Street: What’s your secret talent? MS: I’m really good at making balloon animals. My favorite is making turtles. I have, like, 22 turtle balloon animals in my apartment. If you ever want to hire me for a kid’s birthday party, I can apparently entertain them.

 

Street: If you could create your own country, what would it be called, and what would it be like? MS: It would definitely be located somewhere warm, where there’s beaches, but also a really tall mountain in the middle so you could go skiing if you wanted to. But people would need to speak in correct grammar. I’m a bit of a grammar nazi. Maybe there would literally be grammar nazis roaming around. And what would it be called? Um… I’m trying to come up with a pun, but I can’t.

 

Street: Your leadership style is akin to what famous leader? MS: Maybe someone like Ben Franklin, actually. I think he was accepting of all types of people.

 

Street: There are two types of people at Penn… MS: People who miss Don Memo’s and freshmen.

 

Street: What’s your signature drink? MS: I love Blue Moon. I think it’s just because I love eating the orange at the end.

 

Street: Who’s your alter ego? MS: Sometimes I think I’m like Bruce Banner in that I’m, like, normal Monica when I’m Bruce Banner, and if I get super stressed out I turn into the hulk version of Monica who’s just someone who wears sweatpants outdoors.

 

Street: What’s your spirit animal? MS: Gordon Ramsay. I think that on the inside I’m nice and whatever, but on the outside I’m yelling at people. But on the inside of that I have a heart of gold, just like Gordon. There’s lots of layers—it’s like a parfait.

 

Street: What’s a piece of advice you would give to freshmen that you wouldn’t say on tours? MS: I think some advice that I got as a freshman was to say “yes” to everything. Especially in your first couple weeks here at Penn. Like, to a limit, yes, but you’ll find so many new people and so many new things that if someone asks you to do something you’ve never done before, don’t stay in your comfort zone. Say “yes” to everything. Do new things. Meet new people. You’ll never get a chance to do that again.


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