Emily Rubin: It’s the Nursing version of Hexagon and Lanterns, which is fun. It’s new. It’s different. I’m the social chair, so I plan mixers. The best mixer we ever had was Doctors without Borders, Nurses without Boundaries.
Street: What’s the ratio of girls to boys in Nightingales?
ER: I feel like there are two or three boys, and like 28 girls. But in Nursing, the boys are the best. We’ve all known them since freshman year, and they’re just our brothers. They’re the boys! They’re just the best. We call them “murses,” they’re the best.
Street: Does Nightingales have a mascot?
ER: The new mascot of the gales would be a goose! A grey goose! Why the fuck not? [Ed note: yes, that’s a vodka joke.]
Street: What’s Nursing like as a senior?
ER: I am doing clinicals at CHOP twice a week. I’m on a pediatric surgical floor. So I see a lot of different kids who have had their tonsils out, had their appendix out, a lot of things like that. And then a lot more serious cases, and I’m just like, I just help out for eight hours.
Street: And you’re a pediatric nurse?
ER: Oh, yeah, because I’m literally a child at heart. I only want to work with kids. I love the children, they laugh at all my jokes. So it’s like, new friends, you know?
Street: What’s one sentence to convince everyone that you’re a good nurse?
ER: Okay, the answer that’s more intellectual is that you know how to handle dealing with someone’s emotional state and someone’s physical state, and you take care of it all. But the funny answer is that “We know how to handle shit.” Like, literally and figuratively.
Street: What’s the craziest job you’ve ever had?
ER: I used to work at Bar and Bat Mitzvahs. Like a motivational dancer. I got paid $25 an hour, it was the most fun job I’ve ever had.
Street: From Bar Mitzvahs to your own TV show?
ER: Yes! I have a show. It’s very new, I interview people. Everyone who meets me is, like, you should have your own reality show. But I don’t want to be some Bravo, empty housewife. I feel like I’m a mixture of “Chelsea Lately”...and others! It’s a mixture of making people feel really awkward and uncomfortable and asking them questions that they’re just like, “what the…?” It starts usually with, like, “What do you do on campus?” And then it evolves into, “Play with this toy!” “How do you feel about this rubiks cube?” It’s funny. It’s random. Also, every single person I interview comes through under the button, like through the hole.
Street: Do you have any nicknames?
ER: Pubin. Bubin. Rim job rubin. Eighth grade rumors, just rumors. Out of nowhere. Jewbin. Rubetube. Yeah.
Street: Which is your favorite?
ER: None of those! Are you kidding?
Street: Do you Tinder?
ER: I kill it on Tinder. I’m literally the coolest girl on Tinder. Yeah, my About me is “Looking for love or lust or guacamole.” Do you ever text random people on Tinder, and say, “Come over haha?”
Street: Do we ever! Wait, what?
ER: I do, and just see what they say. And they’re like, “Where do you live? Where do you live, where do you live?” Just like...ha ha, no.
Street: So is that your guilty pleasure?
ER: Here’s the problem. I’ll buy a new thing of medium salsa, and a new thing of multigrain Tostitos scoops. So you finish the salsa, mostly. There are three in the fridge that just have, one layer of salsa. My guilty pleasure is buying a new jar of salsa every single time.
Street: There are two types of people at Penn…
ER: People that have sex under the button, and people who host a TV show under it.
Street: Describe yourself in three words.
ER: I think Sour Patch Kids. Sour. Patch. Kids.
Street: Which Spice Girl are you?
ER: Baby Spice. Any excuse to wear blonde pigtails, I’m there. Like, example, Zenon. I wear blonde pigtails anytime I can. I am Baby.
Street: If you are what you eat, what would you be?
ER: Steak Tartar. From Parc.
Street: If you could have a drink with anyone in history, who would it be and why?
ER: I think Miley Cyrus. I want to pick her brain with her...decision...you know, what she’s doing. I want to pick her brain.
Street: Favorite Disney Channel Original Movie?
ER: AHH DCOMs! I’m obsessed with DCOMs. I was Zenon for a party. I’m Zenon, I’m Cadet Kelly. They’re my favorite, but I also relate to them in so many ways. I also love, it’s so underrated, “Eddie’s Million Dollar Cook–Off.” He just wanted to be a chef! Like let Eddie do Eddie! Also “Double Teamed,” also “Luck of the Irish.” The list goes on. This is why there should be an annual DCOM themed party at Penn.
Street: My PennCard looks like…
ER: It’s a senior year glamour shot, from high school. Like, *glamour.* This is like fourth or fifth. My first PennCard is stuck in the deck in AEPi... 00 is stuck at AEPi.
Street: First AIM screen name?
ER: One of my first ones was watermelon8276. It has no meaning. I was also litlmizzbl0nde. Like, L–I–T–L. Could I spell?
Street: Tell us about your first kiss.
ER: Um, camp. The song, “God Must Have Spent A Little More Time on You” by N*SYNC. A dance. It was magical, honestly, if every kiss was just like that, it would just be awesome.