Street has once again deployed its award-winning team of investigative journalists deep into irrelevant territory. This time, our famed peripheral focus has shifted to the twisted managerial recesses of the Penn Bookstore, where ink-stained receipts are counted with unparalleled ferocity and menacing stacks of books nervously await their pricing. What we uncovered will neither move nor disturb you.
Most Popular Magazines
Vogue. This month's must have: Embossed black leather coke tray, stainless steel razor, sharkskin snort tube and monogrammed silk-hanky for unsightly nose messes. Gucci. $5741
Most Popular Books:
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. Boy travels to wizard school, learns spells, magically bangs Sabrina.
The Vagina Monologues. At the register, you were all sweaty palms, red faced and stuttering. And then you found out there were no talking vaginas. Those bastards.
The Taliban: War and Religion in Afghanistan. Special Rebate Offer: Send in proof of purchase, be instantly transported to Paradise of Perpetual Pussy.
The White Dog Cafe Cookbook:. This book was a bestseller until chefs at Beijing discovered it contained no insights into turning Fifi into General Tso's.
Captain Underpants and the Wrath of the Wicked Wedgie Woman. Plot synopsis: Provost by day, Captain Underpants by night.
Zagat Survey: Philadelphia. Penn student lobbying succeeded in getting the "Newark-esque Ambiance" score added to the list of prerequisite categories.
