Can teachers really know what their pupils do outside of class? Do they want to? Do professors have lives outside of office hours? We took two members of the Penn community who share academic interests but are unknown to one another, and asked important and revealing questions about each's counterpart's life both in and out of class--questions like, "Do you ever pull all-nighters?" In separate interviews, College senior Joanna Greener and English Professor Cary Mazer each tackled such questions admirably. The following compares each one's perception of how the other lives to what's really going on. The results might scare you.
On Professor Mazer's life:
What does Mazer have for breakfast?
Greener: Cheerios and about four cups of black coffee. There has to be a reason why English professors are so wired all the time.
Mazer: Orange Juice, Nature's Path Millet Rice Flakes with nonfat soy milk, 18 oz. of fresh-ground coffee (my only caffeine shot of the day).
Does he ever pull all-nighters to finish work?
Greener: Depends on his age. If he still has his youth, he probably has better things to do.... If he is older, he is embittered by the life of teaching and takes it out on his students by languidly tearing apart their papers.
Mazer: No way in hell. Better to keep the students waiting than to lose sleep over grading. Now ask me if I'm ever tempted to pull an all-nighter to make a deadline on a conference paper or a book review.
How long does it take him to mark an essay (8 pages)?
Greener: Eight to 10 minutes... Although he may lie about this length of time and probably say about 15 to 20 minutes.
Mazer: When I've gotten up some momentum, 20 minutes to read and make marginal remarks, at least five minutes to type my final comments on the computer.
What is his favorite place on campus?
Greener: Starbucks. It's closest to Bennett Hall.
Mazer: Room 221, Annenberg Center, where the Theater Arts Program rehearses. It's airless, lightless, in the basement, dirty and mouse-infested. But when I'm in rehearsal with senior Theater Arts majors working on their thesis projects, finding the life in a script, there's no better place on earth.
Does he notice what pupils are wearing in class?
Greener: If he enjoys the company of women, then I would say that his eyes probably would catch the see-through shirt once in a while. If he enjoys the company of men, I would say his eyes probably would catch an overly pronounced Versace logo every now and then.
Mazer: Of course I do. As a theater scholar, I'm professionally interested in the way people craft their personae and present themselves to the world; besides, I'm curious about how out of pace I am with current fashions. Now, ask me if I care.
What does he do on a Friday night?
Greener: Depends... if he is over 40, probably goes to Blockbuster video and rents a movie. If under [40], perhaps he may go see a movie in the cinema, visit the Irish Pub or perhaps cook for a potential lady friend (trying to be the creative, sensitive type).
Mazer: Because I've been out to the theater on average twice a week (more when I was still moonlighting as a theater critic) on weekdays, my wife and I usually stay in on Friday nights: dinner, Jeopardy, maybe the Frasier and Will and Grace episodes taped earlier in the week, maybe board games, maybe reading. If we go to a movie, we'll catch a late afternoon showing at the Ritz.
Why bother fighting weekend crowds at movies or plays when you can go during the week? Of course, all this will change, plus the times we go to sleep and get up in the mornings, if we ever identify the baby out there in the world waiting to be adopted by us, in which case all bets about sleep, schedule, and leisure activities are off.
On Joanna's life:
What does she have for breakfast?
Mazer: A Nutrigrain bar, grande latte from Starbucks.
Greener: Either scrambled eggs or a chicken sandwich happily washed down with tea. It's the most important meal of the day.
Does she ever pull all-nighters to finish work?
Mazer: Occasionally. Believe me, we can tell from the paper when a student has pulled an all-nighter, when he or she has spent 10 hours on a paper and when [the student spent] 20 minutes.
Greener: Nope. Can't do it.
How long does it take her to write an essay (8 pages)?
Mazer: Six hours, spread out over four days, for a course in her major. Two hours in one day for courses outside her major.
Greener: Including research, writing the first draft and a decent edit job, about three days.
What is her favorite place on campus?
Mazer: The Button.
Greener: Lately I've been a coffee house junkie. Gots to say Starbucks. Have to be true to my Seattle roots.
How much time does she take to choose what she's going to wear?
Mazer: Ten minutes. She makes careful decisions about this, but has it down to a science and so can do it relatively quickly, rather than the 45 minutes it took freshman year.
Greener: About 5 minutes. By the time you reach 22 it's not hard to figure out what you look good in.
What does she do on a Friday night?
Mazer: Goes to an a cappella concert that a friend of hers is in. Doesn't everyone have a friend in an a cappella group, and isn't there always an a cappella group giving a concert? Then she goes out for drinks afterwards in West Philly.... Besides, she's still recovering from the party she went to on Thursday night, and gearing up for a big night out on Saturday.
Greener: Recover from Thursday night. Damned hangovers grow increasingly worse the older you get!
