Girly Freak Show
Ulana's Restaurant
205 Bainbridge Street
Call for Details
(215) 922-4152
For all those who felt that grinding it on the box with trannys at Shampoo last week was a little too tame, we think you'll really appreciate this pick. Undoubtedly any event that involves Slymenstra Hyman of Gwar fame setting records for fire breathing distance and duration and enduring massive amounts of electricity pulsating through her body is worthy of our praise. Also, in an effort to have the audience truly enjoy its meal, Slymensta is known to regularly munch on live crickets and spit them into the crowd, and her fellow performer Zamora often demonstrates the beauty of self-piercing (also known as sticking spokes through one's forearm, engaging in self-injurious behavior, and what we at Street like to call being a psychopath). If this is just what girly freaks do, we'd be a little apprehensive to discover what would find itself into a true hardcore freak's repertoire. But we know you have a hankering for some steamy freak action. So check out the scene at Ulana's to see just how useless all these years of studying really are when you could just turn your penchant for slicing salami on your bare chest into a full-time career. Life is full of limitless possibilities; don't miss out on your calling.
First Friday
Old City
5-9 p.m., Free
(215) 625-9200
http://www.oldcity.org/ocaanew/group.html
Oooo... Wine and beer! Bohemia! Well, not quite, but it's the best that Philly can do. Pretty pathetic since it's in Old City, which is more yuppie than bohemian. And, OK, so the art galleries don't quite serve beer. But some have wine and sparkling water. And cheese. You can't forget the cheese.
Action Figure Party
North Star Bar
27th and Poplar streets
$15 / 21+
(215) 922-LIVE
To your left Cheetara is wearing a skimpy little outfit that accentuates her sumptuous curves as she saunters across the floor looking to chat it up with Skeletor. He-Man and She-Ra, the consummate couple, can be seen necking by the fruit punch as Murdock looks on jealously. G.I. Joe just doesn't feel at home in this crowd; he's never been one to advocate such reckless abandon and he's just not fond of that Optimus Prime. The women swoon as Captain America arrives, simply unable to resist the pure eroticism of his Vibranium shield. It's just another night for these freaks of nature, but you know you've been truly privileged to be in their company. You come to realize that your yearning for action each and every waking moment leads you on a quest noble enough for Wolverine, and that's good enough for you.
They Might Be Giants
Electric Factory
7th and Willow streets
8:30 p.m., $20/ $22 day of show
(215) 627-1332
Who might be giants? You might be giants? They might be giants? Their balls might be giants. Survivors of that post-Nirvana pre-Goo Goo Dolls era of alternative music, They Might Be Giants might be happy to play at Electric Factory. You might be happy to hear some tunes that you forgot about when goddamn TRL took over the music scene. You might even have enough fun to forget about how much the Electric Factory blows. Hell, it might be cool. It might even be giant. All right, enough.
