You're in college, you're busy. What with school and drinking and hanging out and drinking, you don't have time for a lot of peripheral bullshit like being a responsible citizen of this great democracy. Sure, you wanted to watch President Bush's State of the Union Address Tuesday night, but then you'd have had to miss Smallville over on the WB. And we all know that just won't do. In the interest of making you a better, more informed patriot, Street presents: "What you missed during the President's Big Important Speech."
Clapping -- And lots of it, boy howdy. Street hasn't seen that many old men stand up at once since showgirl night at the Good Shepherd Home.
WWII, Part 2 -- Sure, Japan, Germany and Italy are our allies now, but there's a new Axis in town! That'd be the "Axis of Evil," created by Iran, Iraq and North Korea, of course.
Hi Laura! -- Bush gives a shout out to his wife, "for the strength and calm and comfort she brings to our nation." If there's one thing you can count on in this day and age, it's Laura Bush.
New pronunciation for "nuclear" -- Remember, back during the election, when everyone still assumed Gore was going to win? It was OK then to make fun of guys who said "nuke-u-lar," but if you do it now, Street'll have to report you.
Apparently, Bush and Ted Kennedy are friends? -- Bush referred to his "friend, Ted Kennedy." Street was shocked, but then we remembered that Bush is a party guy from back in the day. Teddy and the President have shared more toilet bowls than they've agreed on issues.
Threatens a crackdown on Enron -- Bush took a hard line on the fallen company, by calling for "stricter accounting standards and tougher disclosure requirements" in corporate America. And then he dropped the issue. Ooooh, Ken Lay's pissing himself.
Brevity, brevity, brevity -- An hour-long speech may not sound short, but think about what Clinton would have given us. If Clinton was President in these new, more solemn times, he'd still be up there, biting his lip in empathy and pointing with his thumb.
