Tomorrow, after a two-and-a-half month journey, the Olympic torch will reach Rice-Eccles stadium and ignite the flame of the XIX Winter Olympiad. Two Utah natives -- who will here be referred to as Tom and Tito -- thought this would be the perfect time to dispel the falsehoods concerning Salt Lake City that have been perpetuated by many at our esteemed institution of learning.
Myth: If someone says they are from Utah, then said person is a polygamist.
Fact: We wish.
Myth: Mormonism is a weird religion.
Fact: As much as it pains us to defend the LDS Church, if you think about it, every religion does some weird shit. On one hand, Mormons send 19-year-olds dressed like cheap encyclopedia salesmen door-to-door to spread their religion, and they consider everyone who is not Mormon to be a gentile. However, stop and think about the following: praying five times a day facing east, reincarnation, burkas, and how ridiculous do yarmulkes look?
Myth: Nothing good has ever come out of Utah.
Fact: Kentucky Fried Chicken. Butch Cassidy. Phil T. Farnsworth (inventor of the television). Touched by an Angel. Anthrax and chemical weapons. Donnie and Marie Osmond. Cold fusion. The faulty o-ring that caused the Challenger space shuttle explosion.
Myth: Salt Lake City is located in the Midwest.
Fact: Perhaps the most ridiculous myth, this was uttered by an individual from New Jersey, (tipping us off to the geographic ignorance of those from the Garden State), who, incidentally, did not know there are mountains in Utah. Utah is actually located west of the continental divide, and approximately 1200 miles from the Midwest.
Myth: Salt Lake is not racially or ethnically diverse.
Fact: Although the "official" census overlooks them, Salt Lake's thriving population of migrant workers add a certain charm to the state's service industry.
Myth: There is nothing fun to do in Utah.
Fact: It all depends on what your definition of the word "do" is. If your idea of fun is taking Daddy's American Express card for a stroll up Fifth Avenue, then, we'll admit, Salt Lake is probably not the place for you. But Utah does offer a variety of fun activities including cow tipping, hiking, BYU football games, the Mormons' family home evenings and, for special occasions, a high-class dinner is always available at the neighborhood Sizzler.
Myth: You cannot get a drink in Utah.
Fact: As stated on the Utah.org Web site: "There are currently 242 clubs, 377 restaurants, 343 on-premise beer outlets and 76 state liquor stores and package agencies in or near the venues for the Games. That's twice as many locations to get a drink than in the former Olympic towns of Lillehammer and Nagano combined." However, our underage and slightly illegal field tests there, which resulted in two misdemeanors and hefty fines, indicate that Billybob would not be successful in the Beehive State.
