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Film: Assholes deserve what they get

For me, watching Jackass: The Movie was like watching two slightly sub-par episodes of Jackass back to back — but with more pee-pee and more bag-like testicle containers (what's that word I'm looking for... oh yeah, scrota. Ben: 1, English: 0). It's gross and at times not at all funny. It made me think of that modern-mom-mantra "I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed." Because I wasn't mad, I was just disappointed. And, as we all know, that disappointed thing really stings. Up yours, Mom!

Something About Mary showed a guy with his own cum on his ear, and Kingpin showed a guy drinking bull cum — both with hilarious consequences. But then Freddy Got Fingered took it too far and showed Tom Green's hand pumping an erect horse weenie — consequently jerking the comedy out of gross-out comedy. Now there's this: Jackass: The Movie, where a guy drinks his own pee. Meh. And correct me if I am wrong, but a guy eating his own poop or pee just doesn't pack the same punch anymore, ever since that white devil Tom Green took it too far. Up yours, Green!

Of course, the movie is similar to the TV show (which I love), and so there are moments of brilliant comedy. But, when it's over, you walk out and feel like it's just lacking something... perhaps more poop, perhaps not. However, one great thing about Jackass, which holds true for the movie, is that it's constantly entertaining because it has no plot and just moves from one short segment to the next.

The main advantage of the movie's shocking content is that the voyeurism of the theater experience extends off the screen. I liked the kids sitting behind me. They had mohawks and skater clothes and piercings. Hardcore. They were the type of kids to be like, "Whoooooooa dude! I can't believe he did that shit! He's gonna do that shit again!" They were so into it. Then, during one particularly gross segment, I heard one of them say, "That's not funny... that's just gross." Bit off a little more than you could chew, huh, punk? You got toughed-out by a skinny, lanky Ivy-Leaguer, you alternative pussy! That's how I got back on top. And that is how I rationalized the price of my ticket.


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