A waste of 2.2 million bucks

Lately, it seems that more people have been tuning in to the Super Bowl for multi-million dollar advertising than for football. Some Super Bowl ads are universally considered funny and clever; others never make it past the cutting room floor, including (unfortunately) an alternate version of the Levi's ad in which buffalo stampede two models. Street has obtained the scripts to a few of those ads. Ad #1: Harmless Bush (Open with shot of Bush and Cheney at Bush's desk in the Oval Office. Cheney is rolling a joint, he licks it, pulls out a lighter, runs the flame up and down the joint, then sticks it in his mouth.) Bush: Are you hungry? I'm hungry. (Cheney blows smoke into Bush's face. Fade to black, fade back up on same scene. This time, Bush holds six foot bong. Cheney bends down to light the bowl and smoke fills the chamber as Bush inhales then takes his hit. He exhales, coughing.) Bush: Dude, we should totally nuke the Swiss. (Cheney laughs, takes a puff off his joint. Fade out, fade back up on same scene.) Bush: Those neutral fucks! (Points to button that reads "Auf Wiedersehen, Swiss. Do Not Press.") Cheney: Isn't that dangerous? (Takes a hit.) Bush: No, it's not loaded. (Bush presses button. Fade to black, fade back to pleasant village in the Alps containing lots of wood houses, mooing cows and happy, blonde Swiss children. Suddenly, screen goes bright white. Cut to image of Luxembourg countryside as chocolate, Swiss Army watches and severed, blackened, children's heads (still blonde) fall from the sky. Fade to black. Fade up. "Harmless?" logo displayed on screen. End.) Ad #2: Sweaty Beer (The camera pans across a gym; sweat is pouring off a group of hot, sweaty hard-bodies. Pink's "Get This Party Started" plays in the background.) Voiceover: No, they're not exercising -- they're fucking. And drinking Michelob Ultra -- the beer with only 95 calories -- at the same time. As any of your anorexic, alcoholic friends can tell you, Michelob Ultra is the best thing to come along since laxatives. So, forget about purging after you binge, 'cause now you can do it all. Grab a Michelob Ultra and "Lose the Carbs, Not the Taste." Sort of like sucking and not swallowing. (Blue screen, with Michelob Ultra logo above it.) Voiceover: Forget about exercising before you go out, now the party's at the gym. Ad #3: The Playoffs (Fade in. Don Cheadle stands in an empty football stadium. The words "Respected Actor" flash below him.) Don Cheadle: Hi. I'm Don Cheadle. Iused to be a respected actor. I was in Ocean's Eleven. Iwas in Traffic. But now, thanks to the NFL and the playoffs, I'm out here talking like a crazy man. Now people care less about my respectability than their dogs. Iblabble about things like Dwight Clark and Joe just because of the playoffs. That's what the playoffs can do. They took a respected actor who won a Best Supporting Actor award from the Los Angeles Film Critics and turned him into a babbling maniac who cares nothing but the playoffs. The playoffs! That's crazy! (The words "Respected Actor" flash at the bottom of the screen. Fade to NFLlogo.)