Dirty as Anything

Old people are dirty, plain and simple. And Wilbur Smith is no different. Many of you know him as "The Dirty Old Man of Smoke's," but I know him as father. I don't actually, but sometimes I wish... How long have you been hanging out at Penn? To tell you the truth, I started hanging out here at the movie house over on Walnut... I worked concessions, then as the doorman fifteen or sixteen years ago. Then I started working here at Smokey's Joes... I worked as maintenance... After that, I moved up as a dishwasher here. Then I started working over at the movie house known as the Campus. I work as a doorman over there. Paul a used to bring their kids over there in the afternoon, and would leave them with me. How did you go from babysitting and working at the movie houses to being the Dirty Old Man of Smokes? Well, I have a shirt -- not this one -- the original one, a short sleeve... and there were two girls from Drexel and they were dj-ing downstairs and one of them said, "Oh Wilbur, I'm gonna make a shirt -- put that on." It was a little short white sleeve shirt. So they took it down to the gallery and had it made up. I wore it for a long time. Then in 2002, I guess, one of the girls from Penn graduated and brought me a shirt and said "OK. Here, change those letters and put it on this one." I don't think they picked up this Dirty Old Man thing out of nowhere... do you have a lot of luck with the women? Like I say, the two girls from Drexel made it up for me. They just call me the Dirty Old Man of Smokey Joe's. So you're really not a dirty old man? Nah, I treat the young ladies around here just as nice as anything. I give them toys and all. Where do the toys come from? Oh, mostly come from McDonald's. So you eat a lot of happy meals? No, I have a little situation I have. [Laughs] You can buy 'em. And I go to the Dollar Store and get some. So, what's a sample of what some lucky lady could get one night at Smoke's? Well, I have a gift for you. Yeah I do. Go over there into the bag and reach in there and get one of those little balls out of there. [Laughs and points to the plastic shopping bag he has sitting on his bar stool.] Nice. Thanks Wilbur. So what about any personal romances? Any women in Wilbur's life? Well I have some... but you know, I don't want to go into that. What kind of advice would you have for the Penn single scene? Learn how to protect yourself at all times... boys and girls. In what way? Use certain things when you have to have...you know, fun. [Laughs] And I usually give the fellas some. They had a promotion here and I used to go around the joint and pass them out to the fellas. And they'd crack up laughing, "OK Wilbur, you've got it." You have to practice safe sex. Some like to have fun, but always practice safe sex. That's the main thing. So you don't have any romantic advice? You're the Dirty Old Man. You've got girls all over you all the time! There are some girls around here... I hook them up. What do you mean, you make pairs? Yeah, a long time ago. You know Tim [one of the employees at Smoke's] and his wife... they got kids now. So two people got married because of you? The didn't necessarily get married but they started going with each other... and next thing you know BOOM. And same goes for another barmaid. I told her, you can find someone around here. How many hours a week would you say you spend here? Sometime I get here around 9:30 and don't leave until 2. Sometimes around 1. I go down to Billybob's. You know how to party Wilbur! The young ladies here keep me young. That's why I just love to go around. One day, the Lord will spare me and I'll make it... ...to the big fat Smoke's in the sky? [Wilbur laughs.] Do you see any parallels between Cheers and Smokes? They still got that going on right now... Cheers...right here at Smokey Joe's. Like I say though, I have my fun, you know what I mean? It's like I say, when I leave here, I go down to Billybob's and sit down and play the machines, drink my beer, and go home...Leave there at quarter to 2, make sure I catch my two o'clock trolley, and catch the No. 13 and go on home. What a life! It's a beautiful life. The good Lord looks out for me. Like I say, I'm 74 years old and still kicking. Are there kids in here that you know? That you see every night? Yeah. Lots of 'em come in here. Look, I don't know their names but they all know me. They all know me. Do have any parting words for Penn kids? Just study. That's the most important thing. Smokey Joe's will be around for a long time. I had a couple girls... and some of the fellas, didn't study and they had to stay and go to summer school. But I tell 'em Smokey Joe's will be here. You can always study and then come back. That's' the main thing. Study and take care of yourself.