The Super Bowl, the culmination of 20 glorious weeks of professional football, is right around the corner. Although many Philadelphians will not be able to enjoy the clash between the Pats and the Panthers, Eagles fans can rest comfortably this year, expecting commercials ranging from Willie Nelson for H&R Block to the return of Tarry Tate: Office Linebacker. For years, these commercials have been bringing ESPN and Lifetime Network viewers together. This year, that togetherness can be purchased for the small sum of $2.25 million for every 30 seconds -- a fee the advertisers are only too happy to pay. Since Street cannot predict the upcoming commercials -- Al Gore and Tipper talking about Levitra, anyone? -- we've decided to give you the Best and Worst Super Bowl Commercials of all time (Editor's Note: By all time, he actually means in very recent memory, and by best and worst, he actually has no idea what he's talking about).
Best -- The best of the best, the cream of the crop, the only ones I can remember. However you choose to describe it, these are the commercials that have touched our lives and jacked up the price of airtime year after year. Commercials like these encourage us to go to the bathroom during the game. These are what the Super Bowl is all about. And football.
3) Bud-Weis-Er -- I'm not talking about the slew of commercials featuring two lizards arguing over a point that has absolutely nothing to do with beer. I am talking about the original three frogs croaking -- with hilarious consequences.
2) Tabasco Mosquito Zapper -- Who can forget this Super Bowl XXXII commercial, depicting the horrifically brilliant demise of the best bloodsucker since Leslie Nielsen?
1) Tarry Tate: Office Linebacker -- Super Bowl commercials reached new standards with this overly-ambitious co-worker reminding us to put the new cover letter on our TPS Reports.
Worst -- For the worst category, mainly because of terrible memory for those things I hate, I have three strong words for the reader: Dot Com Bowl. Super Bowl XXXIV came around right during the prosperity of the dot-commers. And just as their commercials totally flopped, so did their companies -- refer to Super Bowl XXXV commercial featuring monkey crying over the death of the Dot Com companies. Therefore, the all-time worst Super Bowl commercials are the following:
3) Hotjobs.com -- Samuel L. Jackson as the voice of a hand. We all know where he can stick that hand. "This party's over."
2) Monster.com -- Artsy flick featuring Robert Frost's "The Road Not Taken." That's what you call irony.
1) Oxygen Media Commercial -- Finally, a commercial that isn't Dot Com! Oh wait, instead it's a commercial promoting raging feminism... for an event that every red-blooded male American watches. Who are the ad wizards that came up with this one?