What with Ben and Jerry's going corporate, Sex and the City gone forever and our moron of a president making a mockery of the democratic system, it seems to us that in life, the only remaining trace of reason and stability is found at the bottom of an empty glass. It's a tried-and-true fact: When you (or the United States, as it were) have hit rock bottom, a scotch on the rocks is the ticket to making the world a much nicer place.

More and more, we find ourselves giving the ax to the actual people in our lives in favor of pursuing more functional relationships; namely, the through-thick-and-thin, in-sickness-and-in-health love affair we have with our drinks of choice. Unfortunately, unless you're happy sitting on the couch sipping Bankers and water, the bonding time required to make your relationship that much more fufilling can leave your wallet a little worse for wear.

Luckily for us, Doobie's, the neighborhood dive for Fitler's Square, offers an economically humane environment to nurture your love for lager, or whatever your poison. At $3.50 for mixed drinks and $2.75 for pints of YuengLing, not to mention $8.00 for a half liter of wine, you can drink 'til the cows come home every day of the week. And taking happy hour into consideration ($3.00 mixed drinks, $2.25 pints, $7.00 half liters), it's no small conundrum that people aren't bum-rushing the door.

With accessories like pita pizza ($2.75), crabcakes ($4.75) and a daily quiche, you'll have plenty of options with which to strengthen your stomach while you destroy your liver. But Doobie's real pride and joy is its award-winning jukebox, which is filled with everything from John Coltrane to Cheap Trick to loads and loads of Bowie; rumor has it that the owner was one of the original Philadelphia kids. (Rumor also has it that one of their bartenders is a bearded lady, but that's beside the point.) The decor is dark and cave-like, or womb-ish, even; like Odysseus finally getting his shit together and reaching Ithaca, or two college kids searching far and wide for a drink that doesn't mess around, at Doobie's we found that we'd finally come home.


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