Grant Ginder
ARTICLES
What's a Job?
Things were never supposed to be this way. Or maybe, rather, I never expected them to be this way. See, in the second grade, when most kids were dreaming about becoming astronauts, or firemen, or doctors, I was dreaming of becoming nothing.
Ego
I'm not well
Earlier this week I was sitting with some friends when I realized something: I was talking about myself.
Ego
Turning Japanese
Tamagotchi:
Also known as "gigapets," these loveable, friendly keychains were popular with sexually repressed school girls on BOTH sides of the Pacific.
Ego
How to: Be a brandster
Frankly, we don't care who you are. Your personality bores us, as does your pathetic attempts at conversation.
Lowbrow
It's that Special Time of Year
I don't blame us. We're products of an MTV phenomenon; a generation enthralled by glossy magazine covers and the cheapest road to fame.
Ego
How to be: Eurotrash
You don't need to know where St. Tropez is to be hip. I mean, let's face it: it's going to take a lot more than that.
Ego
How to: Be geek chic
Tina Fey. Seth Cohen. Lisa Loeb, Gwen Eudey. Face it: you've got a hard-on for geeks. From the black-rimmed glasses to their witty Friendster profiles, you go nutty for nerds.
Buenos noche
First off: just know we're happy that we never have to go to Monte Carlo again. We salute the maiden voyage of Noche -- the newest player on the Tabard date party block.
Ego
Hipster New Year
January, as a month, is decidedly unhip. It's a time to focus on how to make this year better, while constantly being reminded how you fucked up the last one.
Au revoir les enfants
Phish had a farewell tour. So did Cher. But let's be honest, Grant's cooler (Nickie watches Mermaids far too often). We've helped you with wine, hangovers and happy hours for the bursar dependent.
Grin and beer it
If we weren't alcoholics already, the thought of another four years of "nucular" and pretending to be Canadian while abroad is enough to make us need a drink.
Let's start a revolution
Yes, we know that a vodka tonic is your drink of choice: simple, mundane and completely uninspired. Like an inebriated sheep in a Prada-clad flock, you saddle up to the bar every Saturday, begging for that next uncreative cocktail.
Borderless Boozing
It's happened to all of us: you start drinking on Beige, only to wake up in Budapest the next day, laying naked beside a Latvian prostitute named Katya.
Heads up
Usually singing and dancing children provide cause to vomit. They weren't kidding when they said Youth was wasted on the Young -- in fact, they couldn't have been more dead-on.
Homecoming
What with Ben and Jerry's going corporate, Sex and the City gone forever and our moron of a president making a mockery of the democratic system, it seems to us that in life, the only remaining trace of reason and stability is found at the bottom of an empty glass.
Misery loves company
Yes, we're drinking champions. Yes, our livers are shriveled but strong. Yet, fellow enthusiasts, we too get hung-over.
Beer 101
Ah, beer: that luscious liquid that helps Pi Kapp guys score each weekend. As much as you may want to deny it (we certainly don't), beer has played a formative role in your college career.
Boozing outside the box
In our beloved nation, there are certain occasions that are generally understood to be appropriate for throwing back a drink.
Lifestyles of the rich and the fat
When enumerating the finer things in life, certain items always make the list: Moet Champagne, Caviar, I Love the '90s reruns.
Ode to Franzia
We've been there before: Your reservation at some BYO whose name you can't pronounce is in half an hour.
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