Things were never supposed to be this way. Or maybe, rather, I never expected them to be this way. See, in the second grade, when most kids were dreaming about becoming astronauts, or firemen, or doctors, I was dreaming of becoming nothing.
Yes, we know that a vodka tonic is your drink of choice: simple, mundane and completely uninspired. Like an inebriated sheep in a Prada-clad flock, you saddle up to the bar every Saturday, begging for that next uncreative cocktail.
What with Ben and Jerry's going corporate, Sex and the City gone forever and our moron of a president making a mockery of the democratic system, it seems to us that in life, the only remaining trace of reason and stability is found at the bottom of an empty glass.