It's happened to all of us: you start drinking on Beige, only to wake up in Budapest the next day, laying naked beside a Latvian prostitute named Katya. Hungover, confused and wondering what a skinned ferret is doing in bed with you and Miss Riga, an inevitable question begins tormenting your desperate mind: how the hell am I going to order my next beer? Yes, enthusiasts, we too have found ourselves in foreign lands, equipped only with a semi-working knowledge of English and a pocket full o' broken dreams. Just like herpes, it happens. And more often than you'd expect.

So once again, allow us to offer some aide to your bourbon-drenched, misguided existence. At some juncture in your so-called-life, we sincerely hope you find yourself stranded in Estonia, smoking your last cigarette while wondering if the nearest pub accepts fellatio for beer. Eastern Europe: It's the passport to adventure. And if you don't, well then quite frankly you need to be drinking more. Much more. That being said, we propose a guide: a phrasebook, if you will. Ranging from Madrid to Moscow, from Padua to Paris, we've got one goal in mind: the boarderless destruction of your liver.


Posso avere un'altra bottiglia di chianti? Non porta le tazze, berr~ dalla bottiglia.

May I have a bottle of Chianti? Do not bring cups, I will drink from the bottle.


Reindeer blod er fantastisk, men jeg foretrekker vodka.

The reindeer blood is fantastic, but I prefer vodka.


Esta paella se parece a su madre. TrØigame mØs sangr'a inmediatamente.

This paella resembles your mother. Bring me more sangria immediately.


Prostite za vash communisticheskiy regime no davaite vyupiem za democratsiu!

I apologize for the fall of your communist regime, but now let us drink to democracy!


All comments eligible for publication in Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. publications.