Stop It: Converse Sneakers
At first they were touted as an athletic shoe but the cardboard-like soles didn't last 'til halftime. Then their flimsy-ness was embraced by punks, '80s geeks and other assorted girly-men since they made it impossible to succeed in masculine sports. But now that Nike bought out the Chuck Taylor brand they've been committing all sorts of blasphemy. Converses are supposed be in that perfect black that eventually regresses into that puke grey brought on by years of neglect. What's going on with all these Froot Loop colors? Now, they're are as mainstream as butt plugs. Converses should be in vibrant pastel colors that remind one of marshmallow Peeps. They should always be the shoe of moody bastards everywhere.
Rock It: Round Toed Shoes
When those pointy-toed shoes first came out we all thought we had truly functional footwear. Who needs mace when you can ram your Steve Maddens up the backside of any potential assailant? But then there were downsides. Since they made your feet look twice as long, the delicate line between Penn fashionista and Philly drag queen was further blurred. That damn Sex and the City had us thinking we could throw on anything and be fashionable. And if the show was on, I'm certain we would see a certain neurotic columnist covering her tootsies with round Manolos. We all need peer pressure to function and since Carrie's gone, I'm now mandating that rounded shoes are the new thing. Go and shop.
