If we weren't alcoholics already, the thought of another four years of "nucular" and pretending to be Canadian while abroad is enough to make us need a drink. Our post-class happy hour routine received a swift kick in the ass, and we've upped the ante accordingly. We don't have the endurance to hold out until happy hour anymore; now we make toasts to the decay of the free world as we know it between classes. Our flasks are monogrammed and from Pottery Barn -- where are yours?

Drinking our faces off doesn't sound like a terribly productive way to deal with the vile political times to come, but we don't underestimate the power of being a bona fide lush, and neither should you. In all this boozing, we at Food&Drink despise Coors, on the grounds that the Coors Corporation funds some of the most ridiculous right-wing propaganda out there. You are what you drink, after all, and being the gay-loving baby-killing progressive hipsters headed straight for hell that we are, we like to buy booze that allows us to sleep/black out guilt-free.

Reasons to Delete Coors from your repertoire:

1. The Coors Corporation donated the funds necessary to establish the Heritage Foundation, a prominent neo-conservative public policy research institute.

2. They also champion the pro-life crew, performing pseudo-studies with names like "Teens who Make Virginity Pledges Have Substantially Improved Life Outcomes."

3. They believe that marriage is a holy institution between a man and a woman, and that "same sex 'marriage'," as they call it, is a threat to liberty.

4. No self-respecting alcoholic drinks Coors. Be honest, the stuff tastes like a shoe.


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