Art After 5
Rebecca Parris
Philadelphia Museum of Art
26th Street & Benjamin Franklin Parkway
Fri, 5 p.m., $7
(215) 763-8100
Art after five? Whoever decided 5 p.m. was so special? What, like jazz and Latin music are purely nocturnal stylings? And for that matter, is art after five the only kind that is considered "good?" In this brainwashed generation of drugs, sex and rock and roll, we need to go back to the heyday of noon and one-ish when decent hours were held in the highest esteem. So you just have to ask yourself, Rebecca Parris, do I want my music to have a five o'clock shadow?
Minimal: A Group Expedition
The Clay Studio
139 N. 2nd St.
Tue-Sun, 12 p.m. - 6 p.m., free
(215) 925-3453
Is there really anything more beautiful than a clay pot shaped like a bed pan? I think not. The symmetry and curvilinear lines of this figure at the Minimal exhibit truly invoke a sense of balance and stability. Actually, they paid me to say that. All that piece invoked was my desire to pee in it. But I also consider a night on the town riding my sixteen-speed down Highway 35 in New Jersey to the local Denny's, so you'll just have to check it out for yourself.
Accumulated Vision: The Work of Barry Le Va
Institute of Contemporary Art
118 S. 36th St.
Wed- Fri, 12 p.m. - 8 p.m., Sat -Sun, 11 a.m. - 5 p.m., free
(215) 898-7108
www.icaphila.org
The first major U.S. exhibition of Le Va's work in over 10 years is being held right here under your very noses. The large-scale sculptures and drawings which made him famous are on display right now at the ICA. Le Va is generally classified as part of the post-modernist movement and was an influential figure for many contemporary artists. The works shown date from the '60s to the present. I once heard from my friend's mom that those who remember the sixties were not really there. That's how little Rachel was born.
PASSERBY
Vox Populi
1315 Cherry Street, 4th Floor
Wed-Sun, 12 p.m.-6 p.m.
(215) 568-5513
www.voxpopuligallery.org
This exhibition seeks to explore everyday items of the urban environment, including the graffiti and garbage we barely notice. Several artists display their work in a variety of media including photography, paint and visual installation. One even uses the New Jersey Turnpike as inspiration. And you thought art would never come to that godforsaken place. Get out of the classroom, and go forth.
The Americas
Esther M. Klein Art Gallery
3600 Market Street
through Feb. 25
(215) 966-6188
www.kleinartgallery.com
The Klein Art Gallery's website says that the exhibition "approaches women's contemporary art production in relation to the geo-politic distribution of the American continent." To be perfectly honest, I haven't a clue what the hell that means. It sounds like a bunch of angry women who haven't shaved their armpits being pissy. Well guess what! Nobody gives a fuck about you. I mean there are people who are in some serious trouble with this tsunami thing and you're busy bitching about how America sucks. Wait, that is what you're doing ... right?
Old Cell Phone Collection
Graduate Student Center
3615 Locust Walk
throughFri
http://www.gsc.upenn.edu/programs/community_service/index.htm#oldcell\
You know you want to help people. You've spent all of your college years getting wasted, hooking up with ugly people in a beer goggle frenzy, and trying to lose that freshman fifteen. For once, get off your fat ass and drop all those old cell phones into a bin, because dammit, it could really make a difference. True, some of you have lost all of your old cell phones and don't have any used ones to donate. But I say, go ahead and tell mommy and daddy you lost your old cell phone, make them buy you a newer and high-tech one, donate the old one and everyone goes away happy.
Dodging Doomsday: From Tsunamis to Dead Zones
Academy of Natural Sciences
1900 Benjamin Franklin Pkwy
Thu, 6:30 p.m.- 7:30 p.m., free
(215) 299-1000
http://www.acnatsci.org/townsquare/
If all this doomsday talk is scaring the crap out of you, it's probably best not to watch Fox News. Do something worthwhile about it and head out to the lecture, hosted by James Baker, the President and CEO of the Academy of Natural Sciences. No, not Jim Baker, in case you were fretting. Not Tammy Faye either. The discussion will address topics such as predicting and preventing disasters in the world's oceans. How the heck can we control the ocean if we can't even control what kids watch on television!
Philadelphia Home Show
Pennsylvania Convention Center
1101 Arch Street
Thu-Tue, $9
(800)756-5692
www.phillyhomeshow.com
Hundreds of exhibits of home decor will be on display at the convention center. The show is intended to provide its viewers with ideas about how to easily incorporate these designs into their own living spaces. Most dorm rooms I've seen need serious help. Plus, gay superhero Carson Kressley of Queer Eye makes a special guest appearance on Saturday. If for no other reason, attend and find out what crazy outfit he will be wearing.
Sexuality and Social Justice
Irvine Auditorium
3401 Spruce St.
Fri, 6 p.m.- 8 p.m., free but tickets required from Annenberg box office
(215) 898-3900
http://www.vpul.upenn.edu/ohe/FORMS/mlk/mlk-calendar.php
This lecture is hosted by Professor Angela Davis of UC Santa Cruz and Professor Mary Francis Berry, chairperson of the U.S. Civil Rights Commission. Every day I grow more and more impressed with Penn's ability to hook us up with high powered people. The Ivy League rocks! The two smarties will lead a discussion on sexuality, but get there early, as seating is limited. Irvine is pretty big though- one time I went there for some Jewish holiday (not sure exactly which one since there are so damn many of them, yet combined they are still not as fun as Christmas) and it was jam packed. Besides, sexuality is always a fun topic, some people get so "touchy" about it. Haha, at least I crack myself up.
What's Up with Love?
International House
3701 Chestnut Street
Fri, 7 p.m., $5
(215) 387-5125
www.ihousephilly.org
Ada apa dengan cinta? (a.k.a. What's Up with Love?) may not be the first teen love flick you've ever seen. At first glance, when popular and confident high-school student Cinta (Dian Sastrowardoyo) falls for Rangaa (Nicholas Saputra), the guy with the bad rap, it seems like any other unlikely but really predictable match, only now with subtitles. Yet this movie has a twist -- Rangaa's bad attitude is gradually explained by political reasons. Like when I voted for Kerry and my boyfriend voted for Bush ...
24th Annual Chinese New Year Celebration
University of Pennsylvania Museum of Archaeology and Anthropology
3260 South Street
Sat, 11 a.m.-4 p.m., free
(215) 898-4000
www.museum.upenn.edu
Behold, it is now the Year of the Cock! With free music, games, and food, only crazies (or lazies) would miss this shindig. And the Pan-Asian Dance Troup is making an appearance. Is this not reason enough to get out of bed on a Saturday? And origami -- those paper fold things that seem impossible to make. Maybe now as members of the Ivy League we'll be able to figure it out.
Kinky Friedman: Proud to be an Ass from El Paso
Gershman Y
Broad and Pine streets
Sat, 8 p.m., Sun, 2 p.m., Mon, 7 p.m., $10-$12
(215) 446-3033
www.gershmany.org
This is not a joke. Mr. Friedman is 100% Jewish, 100% Texan, and 100% certifiably insane. The film follows his band, the Texas Jewboys, who introduced a new kind of music to the folks of the good ol' United States. Satirist and author/musician Friedman will appear as a guest speaker on Saturday and Sunday, schedule permitting. Other films that will be screened during the festival include No.17, a documentary of a bus bombing in Israel and Wondrous Oblivion, about immigrant families in London.
Mark Nizer
Gordon Theater
311 N. 3rd St.
Sun, 4 p.m., $11
(856) 225-6648
rcca.rutgers.Camden.edu
Life is a juggling act. Work, grades, parties, the opposite sex -- they can all be a hassle. But it could be worse. You could be trying to catch chainsaws. Since winning the International Juggling Championships, Mark Nizer has mixed his juggling talent with a ready wit to develop a show that he has performed in venues worldwide. So if bowling balls, propane torches, chainsaws, and lasers are your thing, head to the Gordon Theater for Mark Nizer's juggling act.
Andrew Coopersmith reading
Penn Bookstore
3601 Walnut Street
Mon, 5 p.m., free
(215) 898-7595
This Penn grad talks about his book Fighting Words: An Illustrated History on Newspaper Accounts of the Civil War. Jesus. I mean with a long and boring title like that, I don't care if you're a Penn alum or that dude that accosts me outside of Fresh Grocer, no one will want to come hear about your new book. At least you included pictures, without which, I'm sure your book would be a complete failure.
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day Symposium: Before King's Dream
Hall of Flags, Houstan Hall
3417 Spruce Street
Tue, 5 p.m., free
(215) 573-8280
humanities.sas.upenn.edu
Slavery and freedom. Not too sure what to say about that, which brings up an important question: how long after an event occurs can you make fun of it? 100 years? 200? And is it less if you are making fun of your own race? A very influential show of our time, Family Guy makes fun of Hitler all the time but that's not even 75 years ago! Comedy has always been sharp-edged but how much is too much? Only one way to find out I guess...
Spanish Language Chat
Graduate Student Center
3615 Locust Walk
Tue, 5:30 p.m., free
http://www.gsc.upenn.edu/programs/language_chat.htm
The Penn directory promises that going to this Spanish Language Chat is a great way to meet new people and practice Spanish. OK, let's be honest here, folks. We go to Penn, the Greek Ivy, where students are constantly trying to take the easiest classes they can find (Math 170 anyone?), and have no interest in "chatting" or perfecting their Spanish-speaking skills. Anyway, this is Penn -- who wants to learn Spanish? Take Hebrew.
Arias, Ensembles & Chorus
Philadelphia Arts Bank
601 S. Broad Street
Thu, 4:00 p.m., $5 with Student I.D.
(215) 545-0590
This concert featuring some very talented people will occur at the Philadelphia Art Bank, which suspiciously sounds to me a little like some kind of bank. How exactly are these singing groups deposited? Are they shoved into some vault somewhere where they spend their days and nights practicing until concert time? So many questions, yet so few answers. Why hasn't the city tried to investigate this terrible atrocity? I think someone should think a little about that.
The Pietasters
Trocadero
1003 Arch Street
Fri, 7 p.m., $12
(215) 922-6888
Apparently this band plays popular "pull-yourself-up-by-your-braces ska music" according to the nationally acclaimed column "Skinny" by City Search Review. Well, no offense to the Skinny, but I'm not so sure a column that advocates negative body image would know anything about a band that means "fatass" in British slang. But then again, that's just one person's opinion. I guess the only way to know for sure is to go and see if you can give your braces the ride of their lives.
Tempesta Di Mare
St. Mark's Church
1625 Locust Street
Sat, 8 p.m., free
(215) 735-1416
Tempesta Di Mare is an evening of Vivaldi music. Commonly known as the badass of baroque music, this guy could honestly give Kid Rock a run for his money. From the "Four Seasons" to "The Tiger," Vivaldi's tunes can be enjoyed by all! Don't be afraid if after listening to them you feel the need to get a tattoo. Or a mullet. It will bring out the classical rock star in everyone.
Cream Your Jeans
The Khyber
56 S. 2nd St.
Fri, 9 p.m., free
(215) 238-5888
www.thekhyber.com
If creaming your jeans over calculus problem sets has suddenly gotten old, how does "sleezy cheesy ass shake" music and six local beers on tap sound? Upstairs, The Khyber hosts a DJ party guaranteed to moisten your knickers, and with a beer selection including Hoegaarden and Kwak Pauwel, who's surprised?
Katie Melua
Theatre of Living Arts
334 South Street
Fri, 9 p.m., $17
(215) 922-1011
Call off the search -- you've found her. Katie Melua has replaced Nora Jones and Dido in the UK and achieved "top chart ratings" in South Africa. Which makes her music more critically acclaimed than David Hasselhoff's latest record but not by much. She must be really be amazing because David Hasselhoff comes second only to God in Germany.
Time for Three
Trinity Center
2212 Spruce Street
Sun, 3 p.m., $5
(215) 735-6999
This ordinary string trio is taking it to a whole new level this weekend by collaborating with harpist Bridget Kibbey. I'm pretty sure that she's some type of supernatural being, because only angels and leprechauns play the harp. God, I hope she's a leprechaun. That would be so sweet.
Strictly Sail Philadelphia
Pennsylvania Convention Center
1101 Arch Street
Thu-Sat, 11 a.m.-7 p.m., Sun 10 a.m.-5 p.m., $12
(215) 418-4700
http://www.paconvention.com/
Get out your yellow khakis and Sperry loafers! It's that time of year again -- time for Philadelphia's annual all-sail boat show! I can't really think of anything better to do on a Friday night than go to a boat show...especially if you're willing to drop a couple G's on the latest yachting technology. You don't want to be the only kid at Penn without a hot new navigation system. That would be like not owning an iPod. What? You don't own an iPod?! I spit on you.
Philadelphia Kixx v. St. Louis Steamers
Wachovia Spectrum
3601 S. Broad Street
Sat, 7:05 p.m., $16-$25
(215) 336-3600
"Are you ready for some football?" Since there is not a snowball's chance in hell of scoring tickets to an Eagles game this semester (unless you want to take a major hit to the trust fund), why not try out some European-style football? Philadelphia and St. Louis have a long standing rivalry dating back to the early days of the game. So deep is their hatred for one another that ESPN 8, The Ocho, likened it to Peter La Fleur's long term rivalry with White Goodman.
Catalpa
St. Stephen's Theater
Between 10th and Ludlow streets
Wed-Sat, 8 p.m., Sundays 2 p.m., $12-$27
(215) 829-9002
www.lanterntheater.org
It doesn't matter that the name of this play makes little or no sense. What matters here is that it's a one-man show starring one of Philadelphia's "favorite" actors, Anthony Lawton. I don't know who decided that this guy is one of the city's favorite actors, but whoever did definitely didn't ask me. Let me tell you who one of my favorite actors is: that guy on the subway the other day who was preaching about fighting in Vietnam. Now he had talent.
Caveman
North Star Bar
2639 Poplar Street
Thu, 9 p.m., $7-$16
(215) 684-0808
This is one of those modern shows where they try to make everyday, mundane crap really funny. Yes, I know what you're thinking ... but seriously, aside from the fact that I heard they are actually pretty funny, the actors eat mini pizza bagels during the whole play. Any show with mini pizza bagels in it is gold -- solid gold. It has to be. God, I love mini pizza bagels.
I Sing!
Studio 5, Walnut Street Theater
825 Walnut Street
Thu-Sat, 8 p.m., $20
(267) 987-3353
Hipsters, what could be better than an off-Broadway musical about college grads that are super cool but still immature and searching for meaningful relationships? Pry yourselves away from the Friends DVD, put down the latte and, for $20, you can see the newest installment of the tragically hip, twenty-something crowd at the Walnut Street Theater.
All Wear Bowlers
Mum Puppettheater
115 Arch Street
Thu-Sat, 8 p.m., $10-$30
(215) 592- 9560
www.1812productions.org
In a modern-day vaudeville event, two silent clowns take a wrong turn and find themselves trapped in a haunted house. After praise at the Live Arts and Philadelphia Fringe festivals, this play now reaches the main stage as part of the Independence Cabaret Series. The show was written and performed by the starring clowns -- Trey Lyford and Geoff Sobelle. Bowler hats are funny looking, mimes are bizarre, and misbehaving gravity is cause enough for a few laughs.
Mascagni's L'Amico Fritz
Perelman Theater, Kimmel Center
1920 Spruce Street
Thu and Fri, 7:30 p.m., $25-$60
(215) 735-1685
www.avaopera.org
Guys, is that special girl tired of watching you play beirut on Friday nights? Show her that you are more cultured than the average Penn student and check out Mascagni's L'Amico Fritz. A nice dinner followed by an Italian opera will let her know that you are not just another party boy. Trust me, the beer pong table will always be there tomorrow.
Flamenco Show
St. Marion's Hall
1013 Ellsworth Street
Sat, 8 p.m., free
(215) 985-1772
http://www.flamencobuzz.com
Flamenco dancers take the stage in Philadelphia to the music of Tito Rubio and his group Flamenco del Encuentro. Bring your glasses to watch but also pack your dancing shoes -- open sevillanas dancing occurs between the sets. The second set closes with a jam session. I love watching dancers do it right and then trying to imitate them, while looking like a total asshole. The trick is, I've discovered, to go with a guy that knows how to dance and the rest is smooth sailing.
The Importance of Being Earnest
Playground at the Adrienne
2030 Sansom Street
Sun, 7 p.m., $5
(215) 563-4330
Oh Oscar Wilde, you are just so witty. Your plays on words (Ernest is also the main character's name) make me all tingly inside. Penn students claim to love Oscar Wilde -- even though all they've really read is The Picture of Dorian Gray, which is just not what most of his work is like. Kind of like the common misconception that David Hasselhoff Sings America represents the actor/singer's best work. Dammit people, didn't you watch Knight Rider?
Holes
Academy of Music
240 S. Broad Street
Sun, 2 p.m., $5-$32.50
(215) 893-1999
www.academyofmusic.org
No, Shia LaBeouf will not be there, so don't bring any copies of the Disney movie or any memorabilia for him to sign. And yes, this play is based on the 2003 movie. So take your Penn-Pal, girlfriend/boyfriend, or grandmother and check it out.
The Syringa Tree
Arden Theater Co.
20 N. 2nd St.
Tue, 7 p.m., $24-$40,
(215) 922-9800
This is a serious play about growing up in apartheid-era South Africa, and the relationship between a black family and a white one. The play involves 24 characters, all of which are played by one woman. So it's sort of like being lectured by your mom in a really creative way. The Syringa tree is probably symbolic for something like love, or overcoming obstacles. You know, like The Giving Tree, or A Tree Grows in Brooklyn or One Tree Hill. Also, that huge tree in the Lion King. It's like the circle of life. And Africa. And one woman's struggle.
DanceBoom! 2005: African Threads
Wilma Theatre
265 S. Broad Street
Tue-Fri, 8 p.m., Sat and Sun, 2 p.m., 8 p.m., $22
(215) 546-7824
www.wilmatheatre.org
This is not your regular shuffle-alongside-friends-and-hope-you-don't-look-too-white. That's right, this is a dance BOOM! Don't worry though -- you don't have to do anything but sit back and watch the talent, creativity and skills of those on stage. Though influenced by African dance, the choreographers have gone beyond tradition and added their own unique blend of moves. Besides, Strictly Funk only performs once in a while and this is a whole new kind of funk for those in search of a good time.
WHORES
Inter Act Theatre Company
2030 Sansom Street
Tue-Wed, 7 p.m., Thur-Sat, 8 p.m., Sun, 2 p.m., $22-$25
(215) 568-8079
www.InterActTheatre.org
No, this is not still the Joke Issue. I am serious. WHORES is actually much more complex than a night out with your typical sorority. A retired army general is on trial for the murder of four nuns. Gasp! It gets better. The play is actually an expose of the downside of the media, military, and U.S. foreign policy. Whether or not you agree with the W, everyone and their mother has something to say about foreign policy. Why not give an award-winning author a few hours to strut his stuff?
