Tamagotchi:

Also known as "gigapets," these loveable, friendly keychains were popular with sexually repressed school girls on BOTH sides of the Pacific. Unlike a real pet, Tamagotchi won't soil your carpet, nor hump your leg. Created by a bored housewife in 1997, these cuddly digi-pals always help to fill empty spaces in a person's life. Just like vibrators.

The Iron Chef:

He slices! He dices! He charges you $3,000 for a spicy tuna roll at Morimoto! Granted, our favorite Japanese cook has become more of a franchise than an individual, but we're not complaining. This guy does things with fresh meat that even Michael Jackson would be jealous of. Allez, cuisine!

The Air-Jet Noodle Cooler:

Some like it hot ... but apparently not the Happy Fun Corporation (no, we're not making these names up). Powered by waterproof, AA batteries, this handy miniature fan attaches to the base of your chopsticks and blows cooling air on to your noodles. Note: this invention is helpful for everyone involved, save the guy sitting next to you. You know, the one with SCORCHING HOT NOODLE BROTH ON HIS FACE.

The Nose Paper:

We've all been there before: it's 3 a.m. at Zetes, everybody's been celebrating the "white Christmas," and -- uh oh! --someone's got rusty pipes! Party with nose paper, and these all-too-frequent embarrassments can become a thing of the past. A standard elastic band fixes the roll of nose paper (which, may we add, is triple ply) atop your head, making for both a stylish and functional addition to your Saturday night wardrobe. Look out, Colombia!

The Water-Shower Umbrella (Mark III):

Jimmy Choos weren't made to get wet, and neither was your nappy ass weave. While bursurable umbrellas are convenient, they're about as protective as an eight-year-old condom. Thankfully, the Water-Shower Umbrella turns you into a veritable bubble boy, guarding you from rain, wind and really annoying people.

Sailor Moon:

She fought evil by moonlight, won love by daylight and helped 12-year-old boys discover themselves by flashlight. Leave it to Japanimation to throw a prepubescent girl in a three inch skirt, give her a baton and call her a superhero. No seriously though, did anyone see the one where she and Sailor Mercury, like, really got to know each other?


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