Meryl Street's like really important and stuff in like Hollywood and stuff, not that that's a big deal to us or anything, so we sent out some texts to everyone on Ari Gold's cell soliciting some A-lister shoutouts. Below, the best. Note: For some reason, famous actors aren't very creative. It's almost as if they were rushed for time because one of their writers bailed on them. Luckily the Screen Actors Guild came to the rescue.
To the two-time Oscar winner I fucked (two times!) during the 1995 Golden Globes: Let's fuck again, this time with six degrees of separation between us. And by degrees, I mean naked people.
To the two-time Oscar winner I couldn't fuck in Africa: I'm fucking Robert Redford, what the shit is wrong with you?
To the two-time Oscar winner I fucked (two times!) during the filming of Sophie's Choice: In the sequel Sophie won't have a choice.
To the two-time Oscar winner I fucked (two times!) during NSO: Nice Pradas, wanna fuck?
To the two-time Oscar winner I fucked (two times!) during the 1980 Oscars: Nice Pradas, wanna fuck?
To the two-time Oscar winner I fucked (two times!) during the filming of Adaptation: You probably don't remember cuz you were zonked out on crazy flower, but I stole one of your Golden Globes! Suck it, you swampy poet hooker!
To the two-time Oscar winner I made love to (two times!) in Madison County: I took photos of your cootch. Love, Clint.
To the two-time Oscar winner I watched as a child: I go for women of your "experience." Call me, love Ashton.
To the two-time Oscar winner I fucked (two times!) during The Manchurian Candidate: Once you black, you never turn back. Please go back!!
To.the two-time.Oscar winner I fucked.(two times!) during.The Deer Hunter: My name.is.Christopher Walken
To the two-time Oscar winner I fucked (two times!) to the Music of the Heart soundtrack: I only got hard becase I heard Justin's sweet angel voice in the background. You turned me off women for life. Love, Lance.
