THOSE WHO SURVIVED
Name: Chadwick Faircroft IV
Profile: The silver spoon strategically placed up his ass resulted in impeccable posture that was admired by brothers across all fraternities. He spent most of the St. A's rush talking about how his father was a former brother, known for his fine cigars and large endowment which he used to fund the fraternity's new set of titanium billiard balls. Hates women. Wears salmon. Is wealthy.
Name: Tony Blair
Profile: Tony agreed with most things the brothers said and stood for. He especially thought ZBT's idea of recapitulating the Stouffer Annex to be a splendid motion. Tony got a lot of attention when he started showing the brothers how to tie a perfect Windsor knot. And when that trick didn't work, he showed them the sweet keg stand he learned at Oxford.
Name: Neolithic Caveman
Profile: Enough said.
THOSE WHO DIDN'T
Name: Rayne
Profile: Rayne almost didn't make it into rush, having been mistaken for a girl. Rayne started to cry when the prostitute offered him a lap dance at Pike, but stopped when she agreed to hold his head against her bosom, just for awhile. He enjoyed the prospect of anal sex, but didn't like the brotherhood ("YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME!"). The real kicker was when he offended the brothers: he just wanted to pet the puppies on the Polo pants, he swears. He would have rushed Pi Lam, but the hallucinogenics would have interfered with his antidepressants. And he didn't live by Waking Life.
Name: Ayatollah
Profile: The Ayatollah had a rocky time during rush. He gained positive attention when he tried to throw a veil over the stripper's face ("Yea, man! What a butterface!"), but later drew skepticism when he refused beer due to "religious reasons." It was downhill from there: the constant ticking from his torso threw off the brothers' beirut rhythm, and his cries against the infidels were deemed unfratty. Better luck next life, Ayatollah.
Name: Ape
Profile: Ape flung shit around, refused to wear clothing, fondled his genitalia in front of freshman girls and grunted. Clearly, he was up for bids from multiple fraternities. Everything was going well... that is, until he let slip that he was on financial aid.
